Wikipedia:Peer review/Djibril Cissé/archive1

Djibril Cissé

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for September 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want to get some comments on how I can improve the article further. Thanks. Sunderland06 (talk) 19:58, 16 September 2008 (UTC)

Comments from Jimbo online (talk · contribs)

Nice work on the article. I haven't reviewed an article before so here it goes...

• Squad number infobox shouldn't be italic Done - Removed italics.
• "Towards the end of his Liverpool career he spent a loan spell at Marseille scoring eight goals in 21 appearances, he then made the deal permanent" - Spent seems a bit out of place. Change to either, "...he spent time on loan at Marseille..." or "...he had a loan spell at..." Done - Opted for latter.
• "Djibril was born to Mangue and Karidjata Cissé, who divorced soon after his birth, were from the Ivory Coast" - Needs rearranging/rewording, it doesn't flow when reading. Done - Reworded.
• "His parents moved from the Ivory Coast to France in 1974," - end sentance Done
• The guests to his wedding isn't definate in the reference - only speculation over Henry and Zidane. Is there a more definative source? Done - Removed those two.
• "Liverpool had pursued Cissé for a long time, and it was an open secret that the then Liverpool manager Gérard Houllier admired Cissé's qualities." - How long is a long time? Reference needed regarding Houllier's admiration of Cissé. Done - A year, and referenced.
• "ice cool penalty" - Subjective/POV Done - Just said penalty. :)
• "From the summer of 2005 ," - spacing after 2005. Done - Removed space.
• Continuity with dates throughout article. They seem to be set out differently - stick to one. E.g. 20 October 2006 or October 20, 2006. Done
• "However, by April, with only four goals in..." - needs rewording to something like "With only four goals by April, Cissé's..." Done
• "...an estimated fee of 8 million Euros" - in previous transfer deal you have put £14 million, should this transfer fee be written as €8 million? Done
• Sunderland AFC - needs piping Done - Piped.
• "...Liverpool debut, Djibril scored the winning header..." Change Djbril to Cissé - over familiarisation Done - Changed to Cissé.
• "...make it 2Extra time1 to..." - is this suppose to be 2–1? Done
• "Before he played for the senior France national football team he also played for the Under-19's and Under-21's sides" - remove "also" and change to "he had previously" - I think it reads slightly better. Done - Changed.
• "French coach Roger Lemerre included Cissé in his 23 man squad for the 2002 FIFA World Cup, [49] he played in all of the group matches against Senegal,[50] Uruguay,[51] and Denmark ,[52] coming on as a substitute in all three games." Split into two sentances. Done - Split.
• Cissé was part of the 2003 FIFA Confederations Cup winning French team, he scored one goal in the tournement against Columbia coming from the penalty spot on 18 June 2003 where France won 1–0.[54]" Split into two again. Reword last part about his goal to something along the lines of "He scored his only goal of the tournament from the penalty spot in France's 1–0 win against Columbia, on 18 June 2003." Done

Hope this is helpful. Cheers, --Jimbo^[online] 09:49, 17 September 2008 (UTC)

Very helpful thanks, I hope you become a regular. ;) Sunderland06 (talk) 15:15, 17 September 2008 (UTC)