Wikipedia:Peer review/George Kay/archive1

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George Kay[edit]

I've listed this article for peer review because I would like to see if it's possible to bring an article about a relatively unknown figure from before the present era up to G.A. standard.

Thanks,

Daemonic Kangaroo 17:56, 7 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]

The following suggestions were generated by a semi-automatic javascript program, and might not be applicable for the article in question.

  • Please expand the lead to conform with guidelines at Wikipedia:Lead. The article should have an appropriate number of paragraphs as is shown on WP:LEAD, and should adequately summarize the article.[?]
 Done Daemonic Kangaroo 12:17, 8 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Daemonic Kangaroo 07:04, 8 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]
 Done Daemonic Kangaroo 07:04, 8 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • As done in WP:FOOTNOTE, footnotes usually are located right after a punctuation mark (as recommended by the CMS, but not mandatory), such that there is no space in between. For example, the sun is larger than the moon [2]. is usually written as the sun is larger than the moon.[2][?]
 Done Daemonic Kangaroo 07:04, 8 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]

You may wish to browse through User:AndyZ/Suggestions for further ideas. Thanks, APR t 19:02, 7 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Various comments in no particular order:

  • A lot of paragraphs are very short, consisting of one or two sentences.
  • Division Two, not Division 2.
  • Parentheses are overused, something I'm often guilty of myself.
  • On occasion, the section about management drifts into writing about the club instead of Kay, going several lines without mentioning Kay or his actions.
  • Was the Southampton junior team definitely known as the "nursery" team, not the modern term "youth team"? It might help to give a quick clarifier as to what the nursery team is when it is first introduced.
  • Presumably this is related to the source material available, but some parts of his career are covered in far more depth than others. In particular, more might be expected about his West Ham career given that he made more than 200 appearances.
  • If there is little material about his time at Luton Town, merge it with the section below instead of having a two sentence subsection.
  • Saints managed a miserly total of only 46 goals - given that they will have wanted to score goals, "miserly" isn't appropriate here.
  • It seems odd to have a table for his West Ham appearances but nothing similar for his other clubs.
  • By now, Kay was clearly not a well man - how so? If it was clear then it should be possible to give some more explanation.
  • The lead is a little thin.
  • he retired from active playing - is there such a thing as inactive playing?
  • Saints equalled the record of 15 home victories - club record, league record or national record?
  • Using "Saints" to refer to Southampton might confuse a reader unaware that Southampton are nicknamed "the Saints".

Hope this helps. Oldelpaso 12:51, 13 October 2007 (UTC)[reply]

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