Wikipedia:Peer review/History of Singapore/archive1

History of Singapore[edit]

Requesting feedback and scrunity so it can be improved/problems retrified for eventual Featured article candidate. :) - Mailer Diablo 15:12, 14 December 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Lack of pictures in the earliest history. Perhaps get some photos in the museums? -- Jerry Crimson Mann 15:21, 14 December 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Should have more pictures at the top. Well written article though. --MateoP 15:35, 14 December 2005 (UTC)[reply]

Nice work, for the most part. I hesitate to say that you need some pictures; after all, it's not a requirement to reach featured article status. It does look a bit plain, though; there's not even a bolded title in the lead. However, there are a few issues I ran into while quickly skimming through. Good luck!

"Daughter" or "Fork" Pages: I don't understand why "The Straits Settlements" and "Singapore as a Crown colony" link to fork articles when they don't even exist. On the other hand, "Republic of Singapore" is pushing the limit of how long a section should be, and could really use a fork - but none exists.
Paragraphs: You have numerous one-line paragraphs. Many of the sentences aren't even that important to merit standing alone; it simply harms the flow and look of the article.
Weak Language: There's gratuitous use of "apparently," "might," "tended to," and so on. Without inline citations to back up the fact that these are controversial statements, the sentences just seem weak, and possibly even as violations of keeping a neutral point of view. You have no conviction of the truth behind your facts. If it happened, say so - directly. In addition, passive-feeling statements like, "Reformation of the justice system and law occurred," simply sound dull and lifeless.
Grammar: This article needs a set of eyes to carefully read through and make corrections. There are numerous points where sentences tend to get a little long and rambling. -Rebelguys2 19:18, 14 December 2005 (UTC)[reply]