Wikipedia:Peer review/James Goodnight/archive1

James Goodnight

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I helped develop a first draft of the article with a WP:COI, which brought it up to C class. I would like to work on a second draft that would be ready for a GA review and felt getting feedback from an impartial editor would really help feed the process. CorporateM (Talk) 01:53, 19 January 2013 (UTC)

Comments

• Lead is too short, at least two paras are required per WP:LEAD.
• Image caption shouldn't have a full stop nor should it repeat Goodnight's first name.
• Still looking a little bit fan-like, with "now a multi-billion dollar company, have been widely studied".... for instance. Perhaps state something like "a company with a turnover of x billion", and reduce "widely studied" to just "studied" or similar?
• Non-US readers may not have a clue what NC means.
• "Software Engineer" no need to capitalise Engineer.
• Inventor is mentioned in the infobox but nowhere else.
• "he got a job" reads clumsily to me.
• Don't link individual years (e.g. 2002).
• Consider linking "Master's".
• "As owner of two-thirds of one of the world’s largest software companies" unnecessary. Really is fancruft. Just state the facts in a neutral tone, i.e. He is the 43rd richest American.
• "There is some speculation about Goodnight’s retirement and succession plan. In 2008, Goodnight said he was not considering retirement.[17][24]" pretty pointless pair of sentences.
• Most of the See also links can be woven into the article.
• Publisher of ref 6?
• Access dates for all the online refs?

The Rambling Man (talk) 18:27, 29 January 2013 (UTC)