Wikipedia:Peer review/La Masia/archive2

La Masia

Previous peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
The fabled academy of Barcelona. I took it from this to it's current state, and I belive it's really good, but it needs some help from a native Englishman.

Thanks, Sandman888 (talk) ^{Latest PR} 19:42, 19 August 2010 (UTC)

Comments by Jappalang

History

• Jose Guardiola

  Why do we suddenly jump from Tort to Guardiola? How is coaching Barca's first team relevant to the youth academy? The chronology of his involvement seems scattered to me; why are we going into his first team details and such here?

• How is Hernández supposed to "fill" Guardiolas role when they are playing together? Was he a substitute or understudy to Guardiolas or what?

• "... Cryuff's management ..."

  Manager of what (team or academy)? When did this happen?

• History seems a bit too detailed; some information should probably be moved to other sections.

• It also seems to be victim to recentism, there is no mention or details of the academy from 1979 to 2007.

Organisation

• What is the point of Xavi's quote?

Philosophy

• This is like a bunch of quotes; I am not really certain what concrete second-hand interpretation is presented here if any. In other words, is there any evidence or agreement by outside parties (not involved with Barca) that these philosophies are in force at La Masia?

Impact

• What is the Ballon d'Or or its significance? Make this clear to readers (through a brief explanation); do not expect them to click a link just to find out.

• The source provided for the record, http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/sport/2010/0709/1224274347554.html, only backs up Iniesta and Pedro as La Masia's graduates; where is the source for the others?
  • This is the only information I checked the source to verify against, so other reviewers might like to check the other sources.
    • I believe it is stated further down in the article.

Alumni

• I am not going to get embroiled into the whole flag things again, so be prepared to defend why you should have flags here (especially why each club should have a flag) if you are going to bring this to higher levels of evaluation.
  • Removed

Images

• File:Catalonia location map.svg

  The base map File:CatalunyaLoc.svg is incredibly detailed to be just described as "own work" by an editor; what source of data or map did he make this map from?

  • I do not know, but I trust the editor is honest. Sandman888 (talk) 12:26, 2 September 2010 (UTC)

The article seems quite bare bones, lacking the first 28 years of its history. It seems to me the points are not well-organised (scattered) or not fleshed out. That aside, it could be that the article needs a heavy rewrite to bring its idea across (from the copyright and peer review request) and I was not intuitive enough to capture the gist of the messages. I did what I could, but someone could very likely do a better job. Jappalang (talk) 01:33, 29 August 2010 (UTC)

• Thanks for the review, I'll goI've worked on it, hopefully it's a lot better now Sandman888 (talk) 06:12, 30 August 2010 (UTC)