Wikipedia:Peer review/Lazare Ponticelli/archive1

Lazare Ponticelli

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because while it seems pretty short at the moment, most of the important aspectects of said person's life have been covered and it is very well sourced. I want to see what I can do to the article to make it a GA or FA (my first!)

Thanks, Editorofthewiki 20:25, 19 March 2008 (UTC)

Good luck with it and all the best. Extremely sexy (talk) 21:40, 20 March 2008 (UTC)

Comments from The Rambling Man (talk · contribs)

Hello, nice article, a few comments to help it on its way to GA at least.

• "the last surviving documented French" - I think it'd be better as "the last documented surviving French..." Done
• Wikilink French Army. And perhaps Italian Army as well. Done
• Be consistent and stick with First World War, don't slip into "World War I"... Iwanted to add a bit of variety to the article and not make it sound choppy, so I think they should stay. Feel free to remove them, however.
• "which partook in the World War II effort " - "took part in the Second World War..." - and in what way? Explained further down in the work section.
• existance should be existence. Done
• You should add in the first paragraph that he was Italian... Done
• Ducale or Docale - be consistent. Done
• Link paper boy. Done
• Second para of early life/military career is choppy, lots of very short sentences. I think I fixed it up to good enough qualit, but feel please tell me if I missed something and I'll be on it.
• the Austrians links to Austria - could link it to their Army? Done
• Awards in the infobox shouldn't just refer to the section of the article. Removed awards section and placed in infobox. Done
• "he returned northwards and began working with the resistance.[2] Ponticelli continued managing the company until 1960" - these two sentences don't flow together well. How about this:
  • Ponticelli continued managing the company there until his retirement in 1960?
• "Ponticelli lived with his daughter in Le Kremlin-Bicêtre, France" - provide a temporal context for this. I'm sorry, what is a temporal context?
• "second-to-last soldier" - "penultimate French veteran of the First World War"
• " WWI" - never use this! Stick with First World War. Done
• "though information on other survivors is not known." - could get confusing - no other members of his family I guess this means? How about:
  • though information on other surviving relatives is not known?
• Fix the redlink to Le Monde. Done
• Can you cite his awards? Done

Hope those comments help. Give me a shout if anything's unclear. All the best The Rambling Man (talk) 10:25, 24 March 2008 (UTC)

• • I have responded to each individually. Editorofthewiki 23:47, 25 March 2008 (UTC)

UPDATE This is now a good article. Editorofthewiki 00:13, 31 March 2008 (UTC)