Wikipedia:Peer review/List of Bradford City A.F.C. managers/archive1

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List of Bradford City A.F.C. managers[edit]

I've listed this article for peer review because I've managed to add at least stubs to all the club's managers and want to further the article further possible towards a FLC. I want to know what else should be done to improve the article particularly towards references and the lead section. I reckon the article may also need a picture.


Thanks,

Peanut4 19:28, 4 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]

  • A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style. If you would find such a review helpful, please click here. Thanks, APR t 12:56, 8 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
One quick point - I would add in a photograph of one of the managers. Everlast1910 16:08, 11 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Yeah I agree. There's only currently two to pick from so I've gone for the more appropriate one. Peanut4 16:34, 11 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • Quick comment before I have to dash off to a meeting - this sentence makes no sense grammatically: "Bradford City's first manager was Robert Campbell, who was succeeded upon the club's election into the league in 1903." ChrisTheDude 09:58, 14 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
    • Changed to appointed. Peanut4 21:51, 14 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
Comments from The Rambling Man (talk · contribs)

Hi, some comments.

  • "Two years later he was succeeded the club's most " - is there a "by" missing?
  • In general, prose is a bit choppy, too many short sentences. Perhaps a copyedit?
    • Sorry, you're right - it's a side-effect of the job creeping in. I've given it a good copy-edit hopefully it's better now? -- Peanut4 (talk) 22:44, 16 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • "...a record-breaking season." - in what sense?
    • Altered the wording and added reference. Peanut4 (talk) 22:59, 16 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • I believe there's a wikilink available for "player-manager".
  • "...winding-up order..." bit jargon, reduces accessability to non-experts.
    • changed to official liquidation. May try to find a wikilink and if it exists will add that too. -- Peanut4 (talk) 22:44, 16 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • "... to land a trophy ..." a bit colloquial.
  • "star players" - POV.
    • Added reference which calls them "star players". Peanut4 (talk) 22:53, 18 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • "were expected to bounce back ..." - Original research unless you cite it.
    • Wow. Found a reference for it. Changed the wording to go with reference. Peanut4 (talk) 23:45, 18 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • " superb run " - POV again.
    • Removed superb run and changed to more factual. Peanut4 (talk) 23:45, 18 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Success in the final saw City and Luton Town swap places." - are you referring to Luton getting relegated and City getting promoted? I get it, others may not.
    • changed to swap divisions Peanut4 21:51, 14 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He then built his reputation " - OR again.
    • Changed to "defied critics" and added suitable reference. Peanut4 (talk) 23:37, 18 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • " his boyhood club " - did he play for them or support them as a boy?
  • "...sensationally ..." - POV.
    • changed to shock as per reference and added other references to back up whole sentence. Peanut4 (talk) 23:12, 18 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • "splashing out money on a series of stars " - colloquial and POV.
    • Amended wording and added suitable references. Peanut4 (talk) 23:03, 18 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • "But the money Hutchings was given still has repercussions on the club's league position and finances." - original research.
    • Added reference - though not necessarily a great one. Peanut4 (talk) 01:59, 17 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • "...City legend Stuart McCall was lured from..." bit peacock.
    • Lol. Read peacock and I think "bit" is an understatement. I've amended this to a factual reference. Peanut4 (talk) 22:54, 16 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
  • I like the history section in principle but I suggest you add a number of citations to clear up the problems with original research throughout.
  • Would recommend making articles, albethem stubs, for Jim McAnearney & Tom Hallett.
  • Soccerbase is notoriously poor for pre-late-1990s stats. Can you independently verify the stats for early managers?

Hope that helps. Let me know if I can be of any more use. The Rambling Man 11:33, 14 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]

    • General reply. Thanks very much for the reply. I will try add some references to back up POVs and ORs or change the text itself. I'm in the process of adding stubs for Jim McAnearney & Tom Hallett but wanted to get the rest of the managers done first. And I agree about Soccerbase. I don't know the exact dates the managers changed so I can't corroborate the manager stats. I also have doubts about a lack of caretaker between George Mulhall and Roy McFarland but can't find any supporting evidence anywhere to say there was one. Peanut4 21:51, 14 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
      • Wow. I've managed to find references for them all. I will add stubs for Jim Mc and Tom Hallett too and I think I've addressed all the other comments. Though I need to go thru the stats to check Soccerbase, though at least I've referenced the stats to a verifiable source. Peanut4 (talk) 23:45, 18 November 2007 (UTC)[reply]
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