Wikipedia:Peer review/Mary Astor/archive1

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Mary Astor[edit]

After seeing a few more of her movies recently and looking at her page on wikipedia, I noticed there weren't many citations, not too many pictures, and no discussion about Mary Astor's article. I was hoping with this peer review some of the experts on this site could help improve the article Mary Astor and hopefully it could become a featured article some day, maybe even going on the Main Page, bringing some well-deserved attention to this great actress. Ilampsurvivor5 19:34, 30 March 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for working on this article about a wonderful actress. I love her movies but knew little about her, so reading this was interesting.

Like many similar articles, there is a general absence of footnotes and citations that would enable the reader to know where a particular statement is coming from. I assume much of it is from her book, etc., but it would be helpful if major points at least were footnoted by specific page references. For article maintenance, if someone comes along and adds a random fact, how can we tell if that fact is supported?

I think the article is a bit overlong due to inclusion of some trivial details that slow down the read. You may want to do a copyedit simply for length, with a goal of cutting 20% of the words (you can pick the words). For example:

  • Why do we need to know about the "safe deposit box at Security-First National Bank at Hollywood Boulevard and Highland Avenue in Hollywood" instead of just a "safe deposit box"?
  • The reference to "Peter the hermit" is unclear. I would delete the phrase unless it is important. (Their lawyer responded that a daughter could not dictate to her parents where they could or could not live as if they were "Peter the hermit.")
  • Is it important that the Langhankes then moved to San Fernando from San Mateo?

Regarding page layout, take a look at Myrna Loy for alternatives on how to show the filmography in a quick-reference format.

Hope these suggestions are helpful. Buddhipriya 18:20, 3 April 2007 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you very much for your feedback, it is much appreciated! I just went through the entire article trying to improve it using your suggestions. If there's anything else that can be done to improve it please tell. I also had a question. Can I save a picture that I found on another website and use it under fair use rationale if it is a screenshot? Or is it still some kind of copyright infringement of that website?

Also I'm sure you are right about most of it being from the book but I don't have a copy and don't know how to create citations/references. If there is anyone out there who could help with this issue it would be greatly appreciated if you could help.

And I will try to do the filmography later. Thank you again for all your suggestions! Ilampsurvivor5 19:32, 4 April 2007 (UTC)[reply]

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