Wikipedia:Peer review/Mary Kom (film)/archive2

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Mary Kom (film)[edit]

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I've listed this article for peer review because I feel this article has potential to be a featured article. Plus, the subject of the film is very inspiring. Based on Mary Kom, this Priyanka Chopra starrer biographical sports drama deserves to be a featured article. Looking forward to improve it further with help of your comments.

Thanks, Krish | Talk To Me 14:23, 13 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Media review from SNUGGUMS

With no audio clips used, the media review is now complete. SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 14:53, 14 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

SNUGGUMS Added link to the first one but what do you want me to do with the rest? I thought verified uploads on commons don't need further examinations. And, fyi, whole Bollywood Hungama photo links have changed so how it's possible to re-add those links? In fact, a lot of images from Bollywood Hungama are gone. Now coming to the Manali picture, it's simply used to show Manali where it was shot. Is it not the correct way?Krish | Talk To Me 20:03, 14 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
I don't believe the Manali pic is as useful as the others used. Regarding URLs, try to repair them with archived links displaying the images if possible (which I sadly don't know how to create or would've done so myself). The problem with non-working links is that they make it harder to verify whether images are properly licensed. SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 21:19, 14 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
But, all these photos are already verified on commons by experienced reviewers. They don't need to be verified again; doesn't matter the current links work or not. Those links are necessary when the photos are uploaded and during the process of verification. If the links were wrong, these photos would have been deleted on that very day. Also, the filming section needs a picture so what do you suggest? Removal of the photo? Several FAs use these types of photos to show the filming locations.Krish | Talk To Me 21:59, 14 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Apologies for interrupting the discussion, but I must admit that I am also uncertain of the Manali image. Unless scenes were specifically filmed in the spot shown in the image, I think its inclusion should be somewhat misleading. I have seen other articles with photos of filming locations, but they are of more specific areas (like how the Ghostbusters II article includes images of New York locations that are featured in the film). However, if the river shown in the image is not part of the film in any way, I think it would be best to remove it. Aoba47 (talk) 03:41, 16 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
SNUGGUMS and Aoba47 An exact location is featured in the training montage song of the film. What should I do?Krish | Talk To Me 15:19, 16 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
If any location shots, I would use specific ones included in the film in a similar vein to what Aoba47 mentioned. SNUGGUMS (talk / edits) 15:22, 16 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
Would Manipur airport count? It's featured in the film, but I don't know if its photos are on commons.Krish | Talk To Me 15:26, 16 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
If you are going to include a picture of a filming location, I think it would be best to choose one that is already named in the prose. Since the airport is not already named in the prose, it may be a little too random to include a picture of it. Just my thoughts though. Aoba47 (talk) 02:41, 17 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
The Dharamshala church was one of the filming locations I believe. VedantTalk 16:12, 17 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Aoba47[edit]

  • For this part, depicts Kom's journey of becoming a boxer to her victory at the 2008 World Boxing Championships in Ningbo, it should be "from becoming..." instead of "of becoming...".
  • In this part, who provided her vocals for a song named "Chaoro" (a lullaby), I do not think it is necessary to specify that the song is a lullaby
  • For this part, Kumar met Kom to ask her permission for the film, before her bronze medal victory at the 2012 Summer Olympics, I do not think the comma between "film" and "before" is necessary.
  • I think you could make this part, and learned the sport and Kom's distinct boxing style, more concise by just saying "and learned Kom's distant boxing style".
  • I am uncertain about the word "dropped" in this context, were dropped due to safety concerns, and in the article in general. It seems a little informal for me. I would recommend something like cancelled instead.
  • I am not sure if the female-led link really works in this context. I am not sure this film would really be considered a "woman's film" in the traditional meaning of the phrase.

These are my comments just for the lead. You have done a great job so far, and I will look through the rest of the article by the end of next week. I look forward to seeing it put up as a FAC again. I cannot believe the first one was done back in 2017. Time really does fly by. Aoba47 (talk) 02:38, 17 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  • I would link Kangathi in the "Plot" section.
  • I would avoid having "coach" twice in this part: the coach of the gym, Narjit Singh, was also the coach of the Asian champion Dingko Singh. You can avoid by saying instead: had also trained the Asian champion Dingko Singh.
  • For this part, the Asian champion Dingko Singh, I would clarify that he is the champion of the Asian Games, because when I first read this, I thought the Asian part was referencing Singh's ethnicity not a specific sporting event.
  • The following sentence is grammatically incorrect: After winning the state-level championship, her father confronts her for keeping her involvement in the sport from him. It reads that the father was the one who won the state-level championship not Kom. If you want to keep the beginning phrase, you have to start the sentence with Kom.
  • For this part, she refuses the position of a police constable, I believe it should be "a position as a police constable" instead. It could be an Indian style of English vs. an American style of English though, but the current wording does not sound right to me.
  • For this sentence, Her coach is still upset about her decision to marry, but Kom makes a comeback in the National Boxing Championship., I would use the coach's name instead to make it clear to the reader who is being discussed.
  • I think it is a little odd that you use Narjit Singh's full name in this sentence, Kom then convinces Narjit Singh to train her, as she thinks that he is the one who can get the best out of her., when he was already introduced in the first paragraph. Aoba47 (talk) 00:57, 18 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
  • For this part, Historical personalities such as Rani Laxmi Bai and Queen Elizabeth I of England came up for discussion, I would use the phrase "Historical figures" instead. Something about the word "personalities" seems off to me.
  • These two sentences, (Quadras, who was interested in sports, started writing the screenplay for the film in 2011, which took two years to complete.) and (Quadras arranged a meeting with Kom via her manager in the year he started writing the script.), start the same, and I would revise this to avoid having this repetition. I would replace the second instance of "Quadras" with "He".
  • Manipur is linked multiple times in the article.
  • For the Mary Kom image in the "Development" subsection, the caption should have a period since it is a full sentence.
  • In the "Filming" subsection, I would start a new paragraph with this sentence "Sports coordinator Robert Miller was hired to choreograph the fight sequences.". The first paragraph is rather long and this is a natural break in the topics as the second paragraph would focus on the filming of the boxing scenes. Aoba47 (talk) 02:45, 19 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]
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