Wikipedia:Peer review/Matthew Jarvis/archive1

Matthew Jarvis

• A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for August 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'm looking to get it to GA status and would like to know if there's any tweaks that need to be made.

Thanks, ChrisTheDude (talk) 13:27, 12 August 2008 (UTC)

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Hi there, I'll be reviewing this article. Just the article - nothing personal - so please don't be offended by anything I write as its not a personal criticism of your work. I'll list things dispassionately. Please address these points by inserting '''DONE''' where necessary.

1. who plays for Wolverhampton Wanderers - consider "currently playing for Wolv.."
2. After an unsuccessful spell as a youth team player for Millwall - cite reference please
3. he began his professional career with Gillingham, making his Football League debut for the Kent team at the age of 17. - consider "he began his professional career at Gillingham, aged 17 years." - the link to the club will tell the reader it is in Kent.
4. for the "Gills" and became - consider removing "Gills", if that slang isn't addressed in the Gillingham article then you could perhaps add it.
5. he has gone on to establish himself - change to "he has established himself" as you have already said "After" in the same sentence/
6. but was released by the club, - remove the comma, no need for a pause
7. On 4 November 2003, at the age - remove the comma, and consider changing to "aged" instead of "at the age".
8. He came on as a 76th minute - assume the reader does not understand football, and reword to explain. Perhaps "started the match", or "was substituted for", etc.
9. but later claimed via his agent - I'm not sure what this means - did his agent say something, did the player instruct the agent to say something, or did the player issue a statement through his agent? Clarify, also, who is his agent? It should be easy to find out.
10. but Jarvis instead chose to join Wolverhampton Wanderers of the Championship - what is the Championship? Is it part of the club's name, or a separate league? Clarify.
11. He finally made his debut - WP:peacock
12. Personal Life section - I'm not sure this should be at this point in the article - perhaps integrate the information here into the player's biog, after the lead section?
13. wikilinked dates - No need to wikilink dates any more, as per WP:Dates

Overall its a very good article, I think it could possibly do with a little more biography before his football career, perhaps some information about his education, training before being signed (academy training perhaps?), brothers and sisters, etc. I see no reason why it shouldn't progress to GA once these points have been addressed. Good luck! Parrot of Doom (talk) 22:24, 18 August 2008 (UTC)