Wikipedia:Peer review/Not One Less/archive1

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Not One Less[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch • Watch peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've done some work improving this page and given how much information is out there about this, I think it's a topic that is FA-worthy—it just needs some love. I have no experience working in-depth on film articles, so would appreciate a review from someone familiar with the film guidelines to make sure this complies with everything. And as always, copyediting and language cleanup is always welcome—extra sets of eyes never hurt.

Thanks, rʨanaɢ talk/contribs 18:42, 24 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Ealdgyth (talk · contribs)

  • You said you wanted to know what to work on before taking to FAC, so I looked at the sourcing and referencing with that in mind. I reviewed the article's sources as I would at FAC.
  • What makes the following reliable sources?
Hope this helps. Please note that I don't watchlist Peer Reviews I've done. If you have a question about something, you'll have to drop a note on my talk page to get my attention. (My watchlist is already WAY too long, adding peer reviews would make things much worse.) 21:00, 28 September 2009 (UTC)
That's just a source to verify an award nomination or win, not for critical commentary or anything; it's the same sort of thing that could also be sourced with IMDB, I imagine. rʨanaɢ talk/contribs 21:31, 28 September 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: This is quite interesting and generally well-written. I think it would have little trouble making GA, although my understanding of the film guidelines comes mostly from observation and osmosis. FA is a reasonable goal for the near future. I made a few minor proofing changes as I went, and I note a few other prose issues below. Here are my suggestions for improvement.

Alt text

  • The existing alt text wouldn't be of much help to someone who can't see the images. For example, what would a blind person learn from "Not One Less DVD cover", the alt text for the infobox image? Better would be something like "A DVD cover is divided into three panels. The first depicts a serious-looking young Chinese woman with long, dark, braided hair; standing, she is surrounded by seated children whose faces are indistinct. The second panel shows a group of laughing children, all looking forward. The third panel shows a seated laughing boy, surrounded by the words, Not One Less. Other writing on the cover says, 'From Zhang Yimou, award-winning director of Raise the Red Lantern' ". Or something like that. These are not always especially easy to write; some require much more thought than others, and it's entirely possible that my stab at it is too long. I'm sure the other two alt texts in the article could be improved by imagining what a blind person would learn from hearing a machine read the alt text aloud. WP:ALT has more details, and you can see ongoing discussions of alt text at WP:FAC.

Lead

  • "The film went on to win the Venice Film Festival's Golden Lion and several others, and Zhang won the award for best director at the Golden Rooster Awards." - Replace "several others" with "several other awards"? Otherwise it literally means "several other Golden Lions".

Production and cast

  • "For this film, he cast only amateur actors who had never appeared in any films before, and whose real-life names and jobs were similar to the roles they would play in the film... " - Since names aren't roles, it might be better to re-cast this slightly. Suggestion: "For this film, he cast only amateur actors who had never appeared in any films before and whose names and occupations resembled those of characters they would play in the film."
  • "The movie is filmed in a documentary-like, "neorealist"[11] style, with Zhang using hidden cameras and natural lighting." - "With" might not be the best connector. Suggestion: "The movie is filmed in a documentary-like, "neorealist"[11] style involving hidden cameras and natural lighting."
  • "After putting the lesson on the board, Wei usually sits outside, guarding the door and to make sure no one leaves until they have finished their work." - "One" is singular, but "they" is plural. Suggestion: "After putting the lesson on the board, Wei usually sits outside, guards the door, and makes sure students do not leave until they have finished their work."
  • I find the cast table you've prepared and added to the talk page interesting. It might work well at the bottom of this section.

Plot

  • "how many bricks they need to move and how much time it will take, etc." - Delete "etc."?
  • "After being reunited, the station manager arranges to have Wei and Zhang driven back to Shuixian village, along with a truckload of school supplies and donations that viewers had sent in." - Dangling modifier; the station manager isn't reunited. Suggestion: "After Wei and Zhang are reunited, the station manager arranges to have them.... ".

Themes

  • "Wei discovers that only someone with money or connections can gain access to a television station, but once someone is on camera they are part of an 'invisible media hegemony'... " - "Someone" is singular, but "they" is plural. Perhaps here "she or he" could replace "someone". Or, if that seems awkward, perhaps "... but someone on camera becomes part of... ".
  • "While she lacks money and power, however, Wei overcomes her obstacles through sheer obstinacy and persistent ignorance... " - "Sheer obstinancy" makes sense, but overcoming obstacles through "persistent ignorance" does not. Suggestion: "While she lacks money and power and is ignorant of many things, Wei overcomes her obstacles through sheer obstinacy... ".
  • "Zhu Ying points out the prominence of movie creates a conflict between traditional Confucian values... " - I'm not sure what is meant here. The phrase "prominence of movie" does not make sense.
    • Oops! Word vomit...that was supposed to be "prominence of money in the movie", my fingers must have gotten ahead of my brain. rʨanaɢ talk/contribs 12:05, 4 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Critical

  • "Overall, critics were impressed with the performances of the amateur actors,[19][25] with Jean-Michel Frodon of Le Monde calling it the film's greatest success... " - I'd suggest re-casting this sentence to avoid using "with" as a conjunction.
  • "Wei Minzhi's character received mixed reactions, with Scott describing her as "heroic" and demonstrating how obstinacy can be a virtue,... " - Ditto for this sentence.
  • I'd suggest merging the Rotten Tomatoes sentence with the paragraph above. Ditto for the one-sentence orphan paragraph at the end of the "Box office" section.

Box office

  • Should something about Sony Pictures Classics, Columbia Tristar, and DVD releases appear here too since they are mentioned in the lead and infobox?

Awards

  • "Other awards and nominations the film received are listed below." - Would it be useful to say which were awards and which were nominations?
  • Would the awards and nominations look better in a table?

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 02:43, 4 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you for the suggestions and for the great copyediting (usually my articles don't have so many careless mistakes at this point! but with this one I skipped the GA review). I have tried to implement all your suggestions above, although I still need to search for more information on the DVD releases. Best, rʨanaɢ talk/contribs 12:09, 4 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
You are most welcome. The comb is a nice touch and made me laugh. Finetooth (talk) 17:04, 4 October 2009 (UTC)[reply]
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