Wikipedia:Peer review/São Paulo Futebol Clube/archive1

São Paulo Futebol Clube[edit]

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for September 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because this was a featured article in Portuguese wikipedia, and I would like it to become a A+ quality article here in English wikipedia also.

Thanks, Garavello (talk) 21:36, 12 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

I'll endeavour to have a thorough look at the article later, but the most glaringly obvious problem is that there are only three references in the entire article...... -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 12:33, 16 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Further to my comment above, I think the article could do with a thorough copyedit from a native English speaker, as phrases like "São Paulo FC is, join to Juventus and Liverpool, the sixth club in the world....", "The club was already born very popular" and "for this reason, few players were hired by the club, most of them inexpressive ones" just aren't good English at all...... -- ChrisTheDude (talk) 09:18, 19 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

References need to be placed per WP:CITE i.e. immediately following punctuation where possible.
What do you mean by "traditional " football team?
"2 as ..." etc - numbers below 10 should be written out so "two as...".
Year ranges should use the en-dash per WP:DASH instead of the hyphen.
Headings should not have citations.
A lot of redlinks.
"In 1900, the Clube Atlético Paulistano is founded[6]. " - two issues here - this is an encyclopedic article so it should "was founded" and the citation is in the wrong place.
"playfield " - is this a pitch, a stadium? I'm not sure I understand what you mean.
"Due to many mistakes made by the club's board" references required - you need to substantiate this kind of thing.
What does "Steam Roller" mean as a heading - it's not clear.
"As it was already a major club, São Paulo brought other great players, " full of POV. Try making the language more factual and less fan-like.
You definitely need a load more references - check other featured football club articles like Ipswich Town F.C. to see what I mean. Also consider forking the masses of info on the history out to a sub-article and provide a good, succinct summary here.
Scorelines should also use the en-dash rather than the hyphen per WP:DASH.
Work on merging some of the many very short paragraphs to improve the appearance and readability of the article.
Colours and badge section needs referencing.
"Current squad Sub-20" is this the under-20s squad? If so it's not particularly relevant.
What makes the famous matches famous? This is WP:OR at best.
I would expect maybe two or three external links, not nine or ten. Plus something in English would be useful as this is English Wikipedia.

The Rambling Man (talk) 08:53, 19 September 2008 (UTC)[reply]