Wikipedia:Peer review/Sinistar: Unleashed/archive1

Sinistar: Unleashed

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I want a final polish before renominating at FAC.

Thanks, — ΛΧΣ21™ 23:17, 5 October 2012 (UTC)

Comments from ajmint

Lead

• I would drop the second "was" in the second sentence
• "originally titled Out of the Void": "envisioned as" is unclear
• I would drop "aforementioned"
• Link Midway Games?
• Would drop the comma before "and calling the game"
• Would drop "the" before "similarities", since they aren't mentioned previously.

Gameplay

• "Like its predecessor"
• I would say "giving the player the ability to maneuver"
• "making a total of 29 levels"
• I would put a paragraph break before "The player is given a starship"
• "and they are tasked with powering"
• The serial comma makes "white, pink, and red" sound a bit clunky
• I would split up "onto" as the "on" is part of the verb phrase "to move on"
• "from which to choose", with two 'o's, although I would use "to choose from"

Development

• I would reword the final sentence to "In their book Computer Gamer's Bible, Mark L. Chambers and Rob Smith noted..."

Release

• I would link THQ in its first prose appearance
• Comma after "general manager of GameFX"
• Perhaps clarify what "gone gold" means?

Reception

• "complimented its graphics and the addition of": I don't think "as well as" warrants a comma

References

• All of the references use a British date format; consider reformatting them to put the month first, as in the Release section, because this is an American game
• The -- in ref 4 and the - in ref 9 need to be replaced with an en dash (–)

I also gave the article a run through AWB; for future reference, you don't need to italicise the work in {{cite web}} and {{cite news}} as the templates do it for you.

ajmint (talk•edits) 00:36, 7 October 2012 (UTC)