Wikipedia:Peer review/Starkiller/archive1

Starkiller[edit]

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I've listed this article for peer review because I am interested in getting this article to A-class (and hopefully eventually FA-class, but we'll see). This article as had a previous peer review by the video games WikiProject (see here). As a start, I'll mention that I believe the Joystiq sources are reliable as Randy Nelson used to work for IGN (a reliable source) and apparently Alexander Sliwinski has a degree in journalism. However, I may be wrong and, if so, please tell me. Also, I am unsure whether the video game portal should be used in the see also section. While he is a character primarily from a video game, the game has been adapted into both (admittedly less big) a novel and comic, which also applies to the sequel he appears in, and unlike Mario or Link he's recieved some attention outside of being a video game character.

Thanks, Harry Blue5 (talk • contribs) 20:08, 26 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

I see Force (Star Wars) is only linked once; in the lead. It should probably be linked in the last paragraph of the "Concept and Creation" section.("a new Force wielder") As a start, I think you should make sure that all subjects that need clarification are either clarified or linked to, where a person completely oblivious to the Star Wars universe can understand everything. _Blake ^{(Talk·Edits)} 21:28, 26 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
- Done I agree. It's hard to accept, but there are people who don't know what the Force is. Harry Blue5 (talk • contribs) 21:38, 26 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I think I might hopefully be able to squeeze some more characterization from the TFU book. – Harry Blue5 (talk • contribs) 19:32, 30 May 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Image review, by Keraunoscopia

Quick note, according to PR guidelines, you shouldn't use the {{done}} template, but use the {{done-t}} template instead. : )

File:Starkiller.png — Image file description needs cleaning. The {{information}} is listed under "Licensing", but should be moved beneath "Summary". The source link doesn't lead anywhere. We need to see where the image came from.
File:Sam Witwer (2007).jpg — For archival reasons, the original version of this image needs to be uploaded to Commons. There's two ways of doing this. The original image can be uploaded over the same file, with the comment (or edit summary) "upload original image for archival purposes"—then the image history can be reverted back to the crop—or the original image should be uploaded under a separate name, but then you need to note that the crop is a derivative of the original. Either way should be fine. The image can also do with a little lightening, maybe even a touch of sharpening. You can do this yourself, or you can make a request at Wikipedia:Graphic_Lab/Photography_workshop.
File:GalenStalkerArmor.jpg — I know you're trying to abide by fair-use rules, but this image is seriously tiny. Go back to the original size, resize it as 300 px wide, and upload. You'll still be within fair-use requirements. (People like me have their preferences set for images to be viewed at 300px as well, so it makes articles prettier.) Once you've done that, the original size image should not remain on Wikipedia (besides, the source link links to it), so please tag the page with {{subst:furd}}. Typo in "Portion" section: "Image shown in it's entirety" should read "its entirety".
Also, simply as a courtesy, you should change the {{Reflist|3}} to {{Reflist|30em}} so columns can be decided by browser size, not forced into three tiny columns, which can be very difficult to sift through for people with narrow screens.

– Kerαunoςcopia^◁_galaxies 12:09, 9 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

- Done... well almost. I haven't lightened/sharpened the Sam Witwer image, but I've requested it on the workshop place. Everything else is all done. – Harry Blue5 (talk • contribs) 18:47, 11 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: Thanks for your work on this interesting article, here are some suggestions for improvement.

Seems odd to me that the article name Starkiller does not appear until the third sentence. Seems like it should be in the first sentence of the lead.
- Done – Harry Blue5 (talk • contribs) 19:07, 11 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I am not familiar with the Force Unleashed - the word "prject" threw me off. Perhaps include a bit of explanation - so something like Galen Marek, also known as the Apprentice and Starkiller, is the main character of the Star Wars: The Force Unleashed project (including a video game, novel, and comics), who first appeared in the game Soulcalibur IV. (I do not think that mentioning Vader and Yoda were also in the game has to be in the lead, or at least not in the first sentence of the lead.)
- Done – Harry Blue5 (talk • contribs) 19:07, 11 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Problem sentences - avoid needless repetition dying and sacrificing himself can be combined, and no need to repeat the cloned or resurrected bit in

After supposedly dying in Star Wars: The Force Unleashed after sacrificing himself, Starkiller is either resurrected or cloned by Darth Vader in order to be his secret apprentice again. After either being cloned or resurrected, Starkiller escapes from the cloning facility. At the end of The Force Unleashed II Starkiller captures and imprisons Darth Vader. So this could be tightened to something like

After Starkiller's supposed sacrificial death in Star Wars: The Force Unleashed, he is either resurrected or cloned by Darth Vader in order to be his secret apprentice again. Starkiller escapes from the cloning facility, and at the end of The Force Unleashed II he captures and imprisons Darth Vader. (and why isn't the sequel game linked?)

- Done As for the sequel not being linked, probably because no one noticed it. – Harry Blue5 (talk • contribs) 19:07, 11 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Make sure the article is written from an out of universe perspective. So Starkiller is named after Luke Skywalker's original name, Annikin Starkiller,[4][5] and is a designed to be a photo-negative of him.[3][6] could be clearer that The character's name is taken from Star Wars creator George Lucas' working name for Luke Skywalker, "Annikin Starkiller"; the character is designed to be a photo-negative of Skywalker. (not sure what the phot-negative part means - should that be in quotes?) See WP:IN-U
The MOS says to refer to people by their last name once they have been introduced using their full name (unless there are two or more people with the same name in an artice or someone goes by just one name). So once Sam Witwer is introduced in the lead, for the rest of the lead he should be referred to as just Witwer. Sitto in the body of the article - full name on first use then just Witwer
- Done – Harry Blue5 (talk • contribs) 19:07, 11 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]
In Concept and creation, I think it would help to give some more background / context. What year was the game development started? I also think that this section should make it clearer that the TFU project is set in the time period between the two movie trilogies. See WP:PCR
WP:MOSIMAGE says that images of people should face into the page, drawing the reader's eyes into the text and not out of it. This means the photo of Witwer should be right justified so his gaze looks into the page.
- ✗ Not done Not because you're wrong, but because I have no idea how to do that. – Harry Blue5 (talk • contribs) 19:07, 11 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  - I did it for you - feel free to revert if you don't like it. Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 00:33, 12 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]
    - Ah, that's what you meant. – Harry Blue5 (talk • contribs) 15:45, 14 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I do not know what this sentence is trying to say According to Blackman, the staff were very hard in casting Sam Witwer as Starkiller, ... Ditto with the Developers tried to make The Force Unleashed more personal to Starkiller,[16][17]...
Since the game is his first appearance, why is Soulcalibur IV not mentioned in the Concept and creation section? The Appearances section could be written with some out of universe perspective too. I am making this up, but something like "Lucas and the TFU development team decided to allow the character to appear in Soulcaliber IV as away of publicizing the upcoming TFU project...
- Doing... Just need to find some sources an' all that jazz. – Harry Blue5 (talk • contribs) 15:45, 14 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]
As a bit of a Star Wars geek, I wondered why his being a secret apprentice was not explained in the article that I saw. My recollection is that the Sith were allowed one apprentice at a time, and I assume the apprentice (Vader) was not allowed his own apprentice.
Please make sure that the existing text includes no copyright violations, plagiarism, or close paraphrasing. For more information on this please see Wikipedia:Wikipedia_Signpost/2009-04-13/Dispatches. (This is a general warning given in all peer reviews, in view of previous problems that have risen over copyvios.)
- Done As far as I'm aware. – Harry Blue5 (talk • contribs) 19:08, 11 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). I do not watch peer reviews, so if you have questions or comments, please contact me on my talk page. Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 05:07, 11 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the comments. In the process of doing now. – Harry Blue5 (talk • contribs) 18:20, 11 June 2011 (UTC)[reply]