Wikipedia:Peer review/Tel Aviv/archive1

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Tel Aviv[edit]

I've listed this article for peer review because…I think it is reaching FA status and want to gain feedback prior to nonimation in order to gain FA listing.

Thanks,

Flymeoutofhere (talk) 20:21, 18 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • A few comments
    • I'd change the external links in Tourism and recreation section to full references.
    • A couple of weblinks need the accessdate.
    • How about expanding the mayors section to governance / politics of Tel Aviv?
      • Im struggling to find information with which to do this in English--Flymeoutofhere (talk) 16:49, 19 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • I reckon at FAC they might ask for some more references.
      • Ive added a couple as Ive gone through - are there any obvious ones--Flymeoutofhere (talk) 16:49, 19 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Clear up the {{citation needed}} tags.
    • The history section seems a bit short, particularly the terrorism one.
    • Change either kilometers or kilometres to one standard use.
      • Done--Flymeoutofhere (talk) 14:40, 19 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
      • They appear to be going towards kilometers. There's plenty more kilometres still in there - particularly in the {{convert}} templates. Don't know the easiest way to change them. Also how is millimetres spell in Am Eng? Peanut4 (talk) 14:43, 19 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Millimeters. --ROGER DAVIES talk 14:46, 19 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Wherever that's gone (!), that need changing too. Peanut4 (talk) 14:50, 19 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Done. Added a couple of missed "sp=us" to {{convert}} --ROGER DAVIES talk 15:03, 19 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
    • Same with square kilometres and km2.
    • In the sports section, does The Israel Baseball League begins its inaugural season in June, with the Tel Aviv Lightning representing the city. refer to June 2008 or June 2007 and need changing to began?
  • Hope that all helps. Peanut4 (talk) 20:47, 18 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Add a citation for the following sentence: "Israel's Declaration of Independence took place in Tel Aviv on May 14, 1948, and the town served as Israel's provisional capital"; otherwise everything else is covered by Peanut4. Happy editing, Midorihana~いいですね？ 22:41, 18 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Done --thanks--Flymeoutofhere (talk) 14:40, 19 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Roger Davies[edit]

A good article with great potential. It appears comprehensive from a quick read through. A few structural niggles:

  • ... with a population of 384,600. Date?
Done--Flymeoutofhere (talk) 14:08, 19 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Mixes numerals and words for cardinal numbers. WP:MOS#Numbers suggests words for zero to nine, and numerals therafter.
Done--Flymeoutofhere (talk) 14:08, 19 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • The ordinal twelfth grade needs hyphenating.
Done--Flymeoutofhere (talk) 14:08, 19 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Temperatures need hardspaces between numbers and the degree symbol, thus: 15 °C.
Done--Flymeoutofhere (talk) 14:08, 19 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Date ranges: per MoS, replace hyphens in ranges (1965-1987) with unspaced endashes (1965–1987).
Sorry, Im not quite sure what you mean--Flymeoutofhere (talk) 14:08, 19 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The dash between the dates should be –. I've done the ones I can find. Peanut4 (talk) 14:27, 19 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks! I came a cropper on dashes at my last FAC. Happily there was a world expert on dashes to hand :))) --ROGER DAVIES talk
  • Hyphens: Basically, replace hyphens used as parentheses either by spaced endashes, or unspaced em dashes. This is explained, with examples, at WP:HYPHEN and WP:DASH.
  • Mixes British (neighbourhood, centre, theatre) and American (neighborhood, centre, theatre) spellings: decide on one and stick to it.
I've converted it to US spellings as they seemed to predominate in actual place names.--ROGER DAVIES talk 14:36, 19 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • The City of Tel Aviv Either the city, or Tel Aviv, or the city of Tel Aviv. No cap on city.
Done--Flymeoutofhere (talk) 14:08, 19 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • There is an account that Sokolow came up with the Hebrew title "Tel Aviv" to allude to the destruction of the ancient Jewish state and its hoped-for restoration: aviv = "spring" to symbolize renewal, and tel to symbolize the destruction of the ancient state, following not the usual Hebrew meaning of the word "tel" but its use in archaeology, meaning "mound of accumulated ruins".[7] Very long and clunky. Two sentences? Not happy about the = sign either.
Done - I think--Flymeoutofhere (talk) 14:08, 19 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Yes, fine :) Good snippet about Tel. I always though it meant Hill of the Spring. :)--ROGER DAVIES talk 14:43, 19 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • As well as having a vast array of museums for tourists to visit, and interesting quarters to explore, there are a vast array of interesting tours which have been launched in numerous languages for tourists to enjoy. Not very encyclopedic (sounds like a tour brochure).
Done - I think--Flymeoutofhere (talk) 14:08, 19 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Immediately north of Jaffa, Tel Aviv is situated on land which used to be sand dunes, and as such has relatively poor soil fertility. It is now on flat land with no notable gradients. As such, its most notable geographical feature are the bluffs above the Mediterranean coastline and the Yarkon River's mouth. I'm sure you can express this more elegantly and concisely. Two as suches in close proximity!
Done - I think--Flymeoutofhere (talk) 14:08, 19 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
  • Tel Aviv is made up of a large number of districts How many?
Done - I think--Flymeoutofhere (talk) 14:08, 19 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]

It needs a close copy edit to remove occasional redundancies and inelegancies. Otherwise, very promising indeed.

All the best, --ROGER DAVIES talk 23:52, 18 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]

  • A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style. If you would find such a review helpful, please click here. Thanks, APR t 03:38, 19 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
OK looked at--Flymeoutofhere (talk) 16:49, 19 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]


Unless anyone has any other comments - I might go for the FA nomination.--Flymeoutofhere (talk) 16:55, 19 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]
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