Miscellaneous desk
< August 4	<< Jul \| August \| Sep >>	August 6 >

Welcome to the Wikipedia Miscellaneous Reference Desk Archives
The page you are currently viewing is a transcluded archive page. While you can leave answers for any questions shown below, please ask new questions on one of the current reference desk pages.

August 5[edit]

Does the job of the main character of the movie Hitch (film) exist?[edit]

Does the job of the main character of the movie Hitch (film) exist at real life?179.134.100.80 (talk) 20:48, 5 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

There is apparently a vibrant market for dating coaches. Ezratrumpet (talk) 22:28, 5 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

I am talking about one that will make person 1 specifically have sucess at getting person 2. Not about one that will try to increase his dating sucess in general. 179.134.100.80 (talk) 01:12, 6 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

There are no guarantees in life. You can't "make" someone want you. ←Baseball Bugs ^{What's up, Doc?} carrots→ 03:28, 6 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Since a person is not a item where someone gives you a buggati instead of a ferrari abd you are ok with it. I assumed the other method of generic dating coaching would be useless, unless you think womans are like items. Thats why I assumed this would be how this job worked.2804:1B3:9702:C24B:9DBE:AB45:CE1F:3B92 (talk) 15:04, 6 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

See Wikipedia:Reference desk/Archives/Science/2020 December 4#Scientific backing of pick up and dating coaches. 2A02:C7B:117:5200:9921:6A9E:88E6:D35 (talk) 15:34, 6 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

2804: Your comments are just weird. As explained in our article the general idea of dating coaches (whether they work or not is beside the point here IMO) is to help someone have more success on dates whatever their specific goals are on those dates (temporary companionship, sex, long term relationships). There's obviously a lot of variety in what they handle and their advice, some a lot more controversial than others (as our article also sort of indicates) but that advice is likely to cover both getting dates in the first place, and being success when you're actually on a date [1] [2]. Any decent dating coach is not going to suggest they will "give" you a person/woman, just increase your chances of success in those various aspects. As reflected in our article and the sources I linked, there's also some controversy about some advice seemingly pigeon holing or stereotyping all prospective/ dates in a certain way but OTOH, I expect there's less controversy about some aspects e.g. being more confident, dressing well for the situation, learning to listen.

Notably it's still the clients choice who they want to approach although I'd imagine better coaches would encourage clients to broaden their horizon so to speak if they seem too focused on women who meet certain criteria (probably physical attributes). Although to use your silly car analogy, if you have no car you'll might very well be happy for any car be it a Ferrari or a Buggati or even a Kia. (That said, I suspect one reason some people need dating coaches is they're too focused on Ferraris and Buggatis and refuse to consider Kias. [3])

As for the original question, I've never seen the movie Hitch but are you sure the idea is the character only teaches people how to try and woo/seduce a specific person? From the description, it sounds like those are only the examples you really see in the movie, but it also seems a reasonable amount of the advice (bad as it is) is generic rather than tailored based on some sort of attempted analysis of the person being pursued. It may very well be that the idea is Hitchens is a dating coach not really focused on teaching men to woo a specific woman but instead generally. However the only examples we see are where he is asked for help with a specific woman.

I'd imagine it's not uncommon dating coaches to get asked for help wooing/pursing a specific person e.g. [4] mentions early in their career suggesting it was something they encountered enough early on that they needed to think how to deal with it. Depending on the specific coach they'd probably be willing to provide both generic and specific help albeit as I mentioned earlier and also shown by the blog, the better ones will make it clear there is a fair chance they still won't succeed. Just because you like a person or find them attractive doesn't mean there's any way to be ensure they feel the same. So it will be better to concentrate on the generic aspects and broaden their horizon.

Note also if someone is only interested on pursing a specific person I mean not just as their primary focus or who they are currently interested in but it is their only interest and they won't accept it may never be and they will need to move on and consider other people, they likely need a psychiatrist or psychologist and not a dating coach. (So better coaches will likely reject clients where they feel this is the case, if not for ethical at least for legal and PR reasons.)

Nil Einne (talk) 18:12, 6 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

People can have strong romantic feelings for a specific person and be willing to expend a considerable effort to win their heart while remaining firmly grounded in reality and accepting the dismal thought of failure as a possible outcome. While perhaps infatuation, this is IMO within the bounds of normal behaviour; they don't need to see a shrink. The chances of almost any such person can be improved by advice, if it is the right advice. Some advice can be rather generic; for example, concerning personal hygiene, or about knowing when to shut up and listen. An experienced person can give more specifically targeted advice as they learn more about the personalities of the people involved, especially regarding lifestyle, taste, interests and opinions. I imagine that the quality of the advice given by professional dating coaches varies wildly, with much of it being actually counterproductive. --Lambiam 19:51, 6 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]