Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Assessment/Buzz Aldrin

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Article promoted by Kges1901 (talk) via MilHistBot (talk) 00:20, 28 January 2019 (UTC) « Return to A-Class review list[reply]

Buzz Aldrin[edit]

Instructions for nominators and reviewers

Nominator(s): Hawkeye7 (talk) and Kees08 (talk)

Featured article candidates/Buzz Aldrin/archive1

Buzz Aldrin was a fighter pilot who down two MiG-15s in the Korean War. Later walked on the Moon. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 19:11, 14 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

I asked some millenials if they could name an astronaut. Neil and Buzz are remembered. They couldn't think of anyone else. John Glenn drew blank looks. Buzz may be more famous than Neil now, although Neil has a movie. Of course Jim Lovell and the Mercury Seven had movies too. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:10, 19 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Support Comments: G'day, Hawkeye and Kees. Thanks for tackling this important topic. I have a few suggestions/comments: AustralianRupert (talk) 13:54, 19 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

the ext link tool reports a couple of deadlinks: [1]
Y Repaired all the link rot. In the process I discovered Buzz's plaques on the Hollywood Walk of Fame are round and not star-shaped. [2] Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:10, 20 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Apparently the Walk of Fame guy was friends with one of the astronauts. Given what we know about them, and that it was Los Angeles, it was almost certainly Buzz. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 19:55, 20 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]
the images lack alt text, and although it isn't a requirement, it can improve the experience for some of our readers: [3]
Y Checked all the links and repaired the link rot.
Would you like to perform an image review as well? Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:08, 19 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Done, please see below. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 03:43, 20 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]
there are a few overlinked terms: Nellis, NASA, Los Angles, Gemini 10, Gemini 11, aircraft carrier, S-IVB, Apollo 8, Presidential Medal of Freedom, The New York Times, George W. Bush
Y Unlinked. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:35, 19 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]
"metres" -> "meters"
Can't find it. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:08, 19 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]
You fixed it when you got the "metres" --> "miles" issue. AustralianRupert (talk) 03:43, 20 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]
"Aldrin was flying about 5 metres" --> "miles"?
Y Oops. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:08, 19 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]
"did not exist−the last mission..." --> should possibly use an emdash or spaced endash
Y replaced with a semicolon. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:08, 19 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]
"Then flight plan then..." --> "The flight plan then..."?
Y Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:08, 19 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]
"It contained mission patch for" --> "It contained a mission patch for"
Y Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:08, 19 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]
"the first man in spacer" --> "the first man in space"
Y Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:08, 19 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]
"flown to the aircraft carrier USS Hornet": move the link for aircraft carrier to the first mention
Y Unlinked. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:08, 19 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]
I couldn't find "12 days 1 hour and 52 minutes" in the body of the article, although it is in the infobox
Y Added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 09:16, 20 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]
same as above for "7 hours 52 minutes"
Y Added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 09:16, 20 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]
in the Bibliography, for the Encounter with Tiber entry, the year "1996" is repeated
Y Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:08, 19 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]
in the Notes, some of the citations are missing endashes for page ranges, for instance # 93 to 96
Y Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:08, 19 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]
in the References, "The Eagle Has landed" --> "The Eagle Has Landed"?
Y Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:08, 19 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]
in the References, Farmer is out of alphabetical order
Y Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:08, 19 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]
in the Notes, some newspaper titles are in italics, but some aren't. For instance: Citation # 138 "New York Times" and 191 "Pontiac Daily Leader"
Y Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:08, 19 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Image licencing and sourcing looked ok to me, except a couple of minor points: AustralianRupert (talk) 03:43, 20 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

"File:Apollo 11 Crew.jpg": one of the source links is dead
Y Removed. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:50, 20 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]
"File:Buzz Aldrin black and white dress uniform photo portrait.jpg": source link is dead
Y Switched link. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:50, 20 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]
"File:Buzz in Mission Control - cropped.jpg": the source is listed as "NASA/Harnett jsc2009e143745)" - what does that mean?
Y Probably that the image was taken by Lauren Harnett from JSC. Re-categorised the image. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 06:50, 20 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Looks good, there are just two points outstanding about the times in the infobox. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 08:47, 20 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Y Added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 09:16, 20 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Nice work, I've added my support now. Regards, AustralianRupert (talk) 09:32, 20 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

@Hawkeye7: Since the Apollo 11 photo is already used in the Apollo 11 article (appropriately), would you object to replacing it in this article with something like File:Neil (left) watches Buzz take a documentary photo of a sample.jpg? File:Buzz Aldrin (left) and Mike Collins on arrival at Patrick Air Force Base in a T-38.jpg is an option, but we have a few of him in jets already. Another option is File:Buzz (left) takes a handheld documentation photo while Neil appears to be using the tongs to collect a sample.jpg. I was hoping for an image of him training for Apollo, since it is outside of the Apollo 11 section. Thoughts? Kees08 (Talk) 01:49, 23 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Done I prefer File:Neil (left) watches Buzz take a documentary photo of a sample.jpg. Added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:03, 23 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, I like it. I added subtitles for File:938-AAG-Trimmed.wav, they are not showing up yet, but I probably just have to be patient. What do you think of replacing File:Aldrin Performs EVA (9449354819).jpg with File:Astronaut_Edwin_E._Buzz_Aldrin_Jr.jpg. Similar rationale to the other change, we have one of him spacewalking already. Alternatively, we could keep the one in there currently and add this to the beginning of the NASA career section? We can of course keep as-is as well. I believe that is my last image suggestion. Kees08 (Talk) 20:36, 23 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

I prefer the spacewalking one. I know we therefore have two, but it's an awesome image. I was intending to use File:Astronaut_Edwin_E._Buzz_Aldrin_Jr.jpg on NASA Astronaut Group 3. It is a good image, and would be in the infobox except for the one that's there from Apollo 11. NB: I chose File:Thunderbirds pilots pose for a photo with Buzz Aldrin.jpg over File:Buzz Aldrin poses for a photo before his flight with the United States Air Force Thunderbirds.jpg because was already have so many head-and-shoulders shots of him. (I used it on Aldrin cycler instead.) Hawkeye7 (discuss) 00:48, 24 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

I do not have strong opinions on it; seems like good enough rationale to me! Kees08 (Talk) 02:31, 24 November 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Support ~~Comments~~ by JennyOz

Hi @Hawkeye7:, just saw this at dyk and was about to do some edits but then saw a review was underway so here are my notes...

Apollo Program v program no cap
Changed all to Apollo program Kees08 (Talk)
Aldrin set foot on - this sounds like it was part of gemini 12
I agree. I added the time difference, do you think that is enough to set it apart? Kees08 (Talk)
@Kees08: I think that works perfectly! (Sorry I didn't include you in my original ping.) Thanks, JennyOz (talk) 11:14, 23 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
who lived in neighboring - sounds like mother lives in diff part of nj to father
On holiday and do not have the correct references with me. May be good to clarify his living situation with his parents in this section, Hawkeye. Kees08 (Talk)
The hospital Buzz was born in was on the border of the two New Jersey townships. Buzz was born in a wing that was in Glenview. His family lived in Montclair, New Jersey. Would "nearby" be a better word? Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:55, 23 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
I, understand now. The way I read the sentence was that Aldrin Sr. lived in Glen Ridge, NJ, and their mother lived in Montclair, New Jersey. I believe JennyOz read it the same way. I added the word 'both' in so that no one could make that mistake. Feel free to edit it in another way if you wish. Kees08 (Talk) 01:43, 6 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Yes, thanks both, that's what I was getting at. Perhaps "His parents were Edwin Eugene Aldrin Sr. and Marion Aldrin (née Moon), who both lived in neighboring Montclair, New Jersey" could be even better by omitting a few words, ie 'His parents, ~~were~~ Edwin Eugene Aldrin Sr. and Marion Aldrin (née Moon), ~~who both~~ lived in neighboring Montclair, New Jersey.' ? JennyOz (talk) 05:22, 6 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Done. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 22:25, 6 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
His father was Army aviator - an
Ew. Fixed, thanks. Kees08 (Talk)
he travelled with - one L
Fixed Kees08 (Talk)
in the class in 1951 - remove 1951 rep?
Done, but it would have been nice to say the Class of 1951. The classes enter on multiple dates, but all graduate on the same day. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:55, 23 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
the Korean War.[17][15] - ref order
Fixed Kees08 (Talk)
at about the same. - time?
Done Kees08 (Talk)
scissor maneuver - wlink to The Scissors
Linked Kees08 (Talk)
applicants have either - had
Meh. Changed. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:55, 23 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Eugene Cernan on Gemini 9 - already linked as Gene
Done, and changed to just Cernan Kees08 (Talk)
Aldrin performing his - performed?
Fixed Kees08 (Talk)
including as installing - remove as?
Done Kees08 (Talk)
diagnosed as a requiring - remove a?
Yes, thanks Kees08 (Talk)
highways and beaches vicinity - ?
Reworded Kees08 (Talk)
Aldrin quoted from Psalm 8: "I've been reflecting..." - not in source
Yes, the first sentence wasn't in the source. Added another reference. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:55, 23 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Aldrin entered Eagle first. - reentered?
Changed. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:55, 23 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
195:18:35 - hours?
Hours:Minutes:Seconds. Spelt it out. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:55, 23 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
and 52 minutes spent was in - remove spent?
removed. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:55, 23 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
His mother committed - 'had' committed? (to emphasize way back)
Done. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:55, 23 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Aldrin's autobiographies Return to Earth - add that he consulted on the making of Return to Earth (film)?
I don't have that book here with me. There will be a delay on this one. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:55, 23 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
I added in what I believe you were referring to Jenny. Kees08 (Talk) 00:19, 1 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Additional mitigating factors - awkward sentence, needs 'led to police declining...'?
No, the police cited a host of mitigating factors, but the fact was that Aldrin was no threat to the community, and the deranged man clearly was, so they were looking for excuses. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:55, 23 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
He told David Morrison - is David Morrison (astrophysicist)?
Yes. Linked. I'd created articles on so many NASA people I just assumed that none had bios. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 21:55, 23 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]
John D. Odegard School of Aerospace Sciences - wlink
Done Kees08 (Talk)
David Webb - wlink to David C. Webb
Done Kees08 (Talk)
In June 2013 opinion piece - 'a' June
Done Kees08 (Talk)
President Johnson - wlink
Done Kees08 (Talk)
New Frontier Congressional Gold Medal - wlink Congressional Gold Medal (as does Collins' article)
Done Kees08 (Talk)
Charles Bolden - wlink
Done Kees08 (Talk)
Vice President Spiro Agnew - wlink
Done Kees08 (Talk)
piston engine airplanes[143] - full stop
Done Kees08 (Talk)
Asteroid 6470 - wlink 6470 Aldrin
Done Kees08 (Talk)
His third to Lois Driggs Cannon - needs 'was'
Done Kees08 (Talk)
including Beverly Hill and - Hills
Done Kees08 (Talk)
opened at 02:39:33 on 21 July. - this is only date this format
Made consistent Kees08 (Talk)

These were only my editing notes so will look deeper for this review later. Regards, JennyOz (talk) 05:23, 23 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]

@JennyOz: No rush, the comments above are addressed though if you want to give it another look. Kees08 (Talk) 20:52, 4 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks Kees08, I will post more soon. JennyOz (talk) 05:22, 6 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

@JennyOz: Any more comments? Hawkeye7 (discuss) 09:02, 13 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Hi both, thanks for ping Hawkeye7. Yep, have been crawling through a ref spot check. Most are format problems and most in the Film and TV area. Here is what I've noted so far... JennyOz (talk) 09:37, 13 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

shortened to "Buzz".[8][6] - ref order
Y Resolved. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 19:58, 13 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
on July 21.[78][60] - ref order
ref 5 Grier Retrieved 3 November 2018 - date format
Y Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 19:58, 13 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
ref 20 AldrinAbraham 2009, pp. 91–93. - needs ampersand
Y Added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 19:58, 13 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
ref 30 "14 New Astronauts Introduced at Press Conference" (PDF). NASA. - not available error 503 (gov shutdown prob?)
Y Yes, probably the US gov shutdown. Added an archive URL. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 19:58, 13 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
ref 106 Read, Kimberly (January 4, 2005). "Buzz Aldrin". Bipolar. About. Archived from the original on 28 September 2008 - date format
Y Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 19:58, 13 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
ref 109 Buzz Aldrin Punches a Jerk in the Face for Calling Him a Liar". The Week. July 21 - The week needs italics
Y Added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 19:58, 13 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
ref 151 Woo, Elaine (July 31, 2015). "Joan Archer Aldrin dies at 84; dealt...". Los Angeles Times. - la times needs italics
Y Added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 19:58, 13 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
ref 151 Woo Retrieved 1 December 2018 - date format
Y Corrected. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 19:58, 13 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
ref 170 "Space Ghost Coast to Coast". TV Guide. - italics
Y Added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 19:58, 13 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
ref 172 Butler, Bethonie (July 13, 2018) - Washington Post italics
Y Added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 19:58, 13 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
ref 174 Bradshaw, Peter The Guardian - italics
Y Added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 19:58, 13 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
ref 182 Griffiths, Daniel Nye - Forbes italics
Y Added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 19:58, 13 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
ref 185 Lederman, Jason - Popular Science italics
Y Added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 19:58, 13 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
References, Marill, Alvin / Manned Spacecraft - alpha order
Y Added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 19:58, 13 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Cliff Robertson in Return to Earth (1976)[188]. - move full stop
Y Added. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 19:58, 13 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Mention? He gave permission for Buzz Aldrin's Race Into Space
Y I didn't know where to put this, so I added it to the bottom of the In the Media section. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 19:58, 13 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, those all addressed. Just a few last questions...

caption thunderbirds 2nd sentence needs full stop (because first sentence has one)
Done Kees08 (Talk)
caption photo of footprint - bootprint?
Seems like NASA splits between footprint and bootprint pretty evenly, but bootprint is more exact so I changed it Kees08 (Talk)
I find confusion (ie so might some others and therefore try to 'correct' it) re the 2 different retirement dates. Infobox says retired July 1, 1971 (ie from NASA) though it gives rank of Col USAF (but he didn't retire as a colonel USAF til March 1972). Maybe at Post-NASA section "decided to return to the Air Force" could be reworded to include date "on July 1, 1971", ... then at "Aldrin was assigned as Commandant of the USAF Aerospace Research Pilot School at Edwards Air Force Base, California, ~~on July 1, 1971~~" change to "on his return date" or similar.
Retooled this Kees08 (Talk)
Between end of subsection Apollo 11 and Post-NASA - gap ie what did he do between September 16, 1969 and July 1, 1971? And should the sentence "During his NASA career, he had spent 289 hours and 53 minutes in space, of which 7 hours and 52 minutes was in EVA.[25]" (unless that time in space is related to his hope of being Commandant of Cadets at the United States Air Force Academy?) move up to tie up the end of whole section NASA career section ie end Apollo 11 subsection?
Moved the sentence. Expanded to a paragraph about his 1969-71 service. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 10:39, 21 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
$475,000 bank account etc - add what year those figures relate to?
Looks like December 2012 dollars, when the divorce happened. Since this is implied, not sure I should do anything here. Kees08 (Talk)
We could add an inflation template, but it wasn't that long ago. It is equivalent to $630,000 in 2023. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 10:39, 21 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
his quote re Armstrong's passing needs more precise formatting per MOS:ELLIPSIS ie "deeply saddened by the passing. (needs ellipsis)I know I am joined by millions of others (needs ellipsis) in mourning the passing of a true American hero and the best pilot I ever knew.(needs ellipses) I had truly hoped that on July 20th, 2019, Neil, Mike and I would be standing together to commemorate the 50th Anniversary of our moon landing.... (fix ellipsis) Regrettably, this is not to be.(needs ellipsis?)"
I selected different portions of the work and redid the ellipses. Kees08 (Talk)
first person to hold a religious ceremony on the Moon - the 'only' person? (though I understand ref/s might not say so. It's just that "first" suggests others followed)
As far as I can tell he was the only one. Kees08 (Talk)
He doesn't have an Apollo 11 crew photo. Suggest eg one from Armstrong's article ie the NASA crew portrait (Ap11-s69-31740.jpg) and/or 40th anniversary with Obama (...DVIDS723610.jpg)
Added the portrait photo Kees08 (Talk)
Sorry Kees08, I meant a crew photo of the 3 of them together ie with Neil and Mike. JennyOz (talk) 12:38, 21 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Ah, gotcha. I have been trying to keep their individual portrait photos in their own articles, and then the crew portrait in the Apollo 11 article. I will have to go check if I have been successful at that... Kees08 (Talk) 17:09, 21 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
one grandson ... three great-grandsons still same number of? needs as at date?
Added as of date Kees08 (Talk)
Montchalir Local News - typo
I fixed this last night Kees08 (Talk)
down two MiG-15 aircraft.[21][20] - ref order
Fixed Kees08 (Talk)
have seen him coming.[22][20] - ref order
Fixed Kees08 (Talk)
Base in West Germany.[22][16][25] - ref order
Fixed Kees08 (Talk)
for a parachute to open.[23]{sfn|Aldrin|Abraham|2009|pp=91–93}} For - tweak opening brackets
Fixed thanks Kees08 (Talk)
Earth. New York, Random House - colon before publisher per others?
Fixed Kees08 (Talk)
on the Moon. National Geographic. - colon as above
Fixed and added city Kees08 (Talk)
At 86 years of age, Aldrin's visit made him the oldest person to ever reach the South Pole. - "ever" redundant?
Done Kees08 (Talk)
He had previously traveled to the North Pole in 1998 - "previously" redundant
Done Kees08 (Talk)

That's all, thank you both. Let me know if I haven't explained myself well enough. JennyOz (talk) 09:55, 20 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you both again. I've left a note above re the crew photo but leave that up to you. I am really grateful for you both dealing with each of my comments and am super pleased to add my support. Thanks champs! JennyOz (talk) 12:38, 21 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

@JennyOz: Thank you for the thorough review. I was trying to do a reference review in tandem with you, good to see we caught at least one of the same thing. I have a couple notes to myself re: ref improvements, but nothing major. Since I did the media section references and you noted they were especially bad, I thought I owed it to the article. Michael Collins and Apollo 15 are both up for review if you still have the itch to review more space articles. Kees08 (Talk) 19:39, 21 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Comments from Harry[edit]

commissioned in the United States Air Force Shouldn't that be commissioned into?
@Hawkeye7: Did you address this? More in your wheelhouse, I have no idea if one is more appropriate than the other. Kees08 (Talk) 05:02, 18 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Me neither. I changed it anyway. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:08, 19 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
His first space flight was Gemini 12 Suggest adding a year here
Done Kees08 (Talk)
Interesting that his father was an army man but was keen for Buzz to go to Annapolis. Do the sources say anything more on this? What was his father's raction when Buzz told him he wanted to go to West Point? Interesting that he had no interest in being a naval aviator.
He wanted to be an aviator, and the Army Air Corps had just separated off and become the U.S. Air Force. Not sure why he was so keen on urging him to go to the Naval Academy over the Air Force. Hawkeye, I am going to leave this for you, because I am a little confused on the timeline as it is written. Page 37 of No Dream is Too High has him in West Point, then travelling to Asia for his social science tour, then the Korean War started, then he talks about how his father had wanted him to join the Naval Academy, but "my friends and I wanted to be where the action was-and that was in the skies above Korea". My guess is he had chosen West Point and then got "lucky" on where the action was. Not sure if I articulated my confusion correctly, but it is written correctly as-is? Kees08 (Talk)

Also, this book does not give his father's reaction. Perhaps Return to Earth does, Hawkeye can check when he reunites with his copy. Kees08 (Talk) 01:54, 1 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Buzz says that his father was not the domineering person he was sometimes painted as; that his father fully supported his career choice, and even went along with him changing his name. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:14, 1 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
When deciding what sort of aircraft he should fly, his father advised him to choose bombers was this because his father was a bomber pilot or just what he thought was the best career move?
No Dream is Too High has nothing on this, hopefully another book does. Kees08 (Talk) 01:57, 1 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
It's in the very next sentence: because command of a bomber crew gave an opportunity to learn and hone leadership skills, which could open up better prospects for career advancement. Added the conjunction to make it clear. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:14, 1 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
...give thanks in his or her own way." You need a reference directly after a quote.
Cited Kees08 (Talk)
I'm pretty sure "Post NASA" should be "Post-NASA" (with a hyphen)
I think it would only be hyphenated if it is Post-NASA career, since you hyphenate the adjective describing another adjective (post describing NASA), and since in Post NASA, NASA is the noun, it would not be hyphenated. I gave you the benefit of the doubt and hyphenated it anyways, but is there any rationale for it? Kees08 (Talk)
decided to return to the Air Force. What was his rank at this point, and what happened to his air force ranks while he was with NASA?
Added that he was a colonel at this point. But he was promoted to lieutenant colonel while at NASA in about 1964. Under a policy initiated by President Johnson, military personnel received an increase in rank after their first space flight, so he was promoted to full colonel in 1966. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:14, 1 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
He was hospitalized for depression. This sentence seems quite jarring coming straight after the previous one.
In fact, that whole paragraph is confusing. It weaves between Aldrin's personal life and his struggle with depression and goings-on in the air force that Aldrin wasn't directly involved with, and gives us a choppy series of short, brusque sentences.
It's all about things that he was involved in. I'll expand this next week. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 22:37, 6 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

@Hawkeye7: Would you be able to look at these points? I do not have Return to Earth. Kees08 (Talk) 01:36, 5 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
@Kees08: I've re-worked this bit. Let me know what you think. I can expend the final paragraph if you think we need more about Buzz the drunk. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:31, 14 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
@Hawkeye7: I think it reads great. We could use more information on the alcoholism, if you have time to provide it. Seemed that was a pretty prominent life event for him. Kees08 (Talk) 01:52, 14 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
I have expanded this into a paragraph. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 20:13, 14 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
What was his rank on retirement? Promotion dates might be helpful if available, not necessarily for all promotions but certainly for those post-NASA.
He retired as a colonel. Added this. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:14, 1 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
the 72-year-old Aldrin punched Sibrel Is his age relevant? Also, do we need this level of detail on a minor incident?
It is a very popular incident. A bit surprised it does not have its own article really. The age is relevant since Sibrel was relatively young comparatively. Kees08 (Talk)
I didn't think that Sibrel deserves his own article, but since he does have one, it is linked. Someone reckoned that my description of Sibrel as "deranged" was non-NPOV. Go figure. Hawkeye7 (discuss)
The reliable sources call Sibrel a "jerk". Hawkeye7 (discuss) 01:31, 14 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Detached adapter panel sighting Unless there's some long-term significance to these events that's not clear from the article, I suggest radically trimming this section; the article is >6,500 words and a long article is inevitable for someone with a long and distinguished career like this but it needs to stay focused.
Trimmed this down quite a bit. Kees08 (Talk)
His proposed system of cycling spacecraft makes travel to Mars possible Should that be theoretically possible?
It makes it more feasible from a financial standpoint, which is driven by propellant costs (simplifying this). I rephrased it to reflect this, if you want a better explanation in the review or in the article let me know. Kees08 (Talk)
Does the quote about the Phobos monolith really add anything to the article?
No. Removed. I can guess why it was put there, but would rather not speculate. Kees08 (Talk)
I'd recommend cutting out the sub-headers in the "Mission to Mars advocacy" section as they give undue prominence to relatively minor aspects and they're not necessary to break up large blocks of text. I'd also recommend distilling the Mars stuff as far as possible and putting it all together, with the NYT op-ed in a separate paragraph.
Removed the section headers but left the paragraphs separate, since they are describing separate ideas. I edit on a small monitor so they do not look ridiculous...maybe they do on a larger monitor. I can be persuaded to try to combine them still. Kees08 (Talk)

Besides a few quibbles, excellent work as always. And yes, besides Armstrong, Aldrin is the only astronaut I could name off the top of my head! It's great to see his article getting the love it deserves. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 18:03, 30 December 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Hawkeye, one other question related to Mitchell's review: the article says he visited Japan in his last year, but on page 36 of No Dream is too High it says he visited it "A year before I graduated from West Point". To me, that would mean his second to last year...do you know which is correct? Kees08 (Talk) 01:53, 1 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

The Korean War broke out in June 1950; Aldrin graduated in June 1951. So it was a year before he graduated. Changed to "in 1950". Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:22, 1 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you, excellent work. Kees08 (Talk) 05:35, 2 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

@JennyOz and HJ Mitchell: AFAIK, all issues raised have been addressed. We image and source reviews. Do we have your supports? Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 19 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

@HJ Mitchell: Hey there, checking in again. Did you have any more issues you would like us to address? Thanks! Kees08 (Talk) 02:43, 26 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

@Kees08: Reading up on Scott Carpenter, I discovered that he was asked at one point who he'd like to travel to the Moon with. He said Gus Grissom and John Glenn. Why them? "Because I'd like to make it back again." When Neil Armstrong was asked to make the same decision for real, he chose Buzz Aldrin. Hawkeye7 (discuss) 02:19, 19 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Apologie for the delay. Support. HJ Mitchell | Penny for your thoughts? 18:00, 27 January 2019 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.