Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Assessment/William Hely
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- The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
Article promoted Hawkeye7 (talk) 11:15, 2 July 2013 (UTC)[reply]
William Hely[edit]
My first brand-new bio in a year, this chap has been on my list for a while, the catalyst for finally creating the article being my recent expansion of No. 84 Wing, of which he was inaugural commander. Like "Moth" Eaton, he first made a name for himself locating lost travellers in the Australian desert. His subsequent career largely paralleled those of his ex-Duntroon stablemates such as Fred Scherger, Val Hancock, Alister Murdoch, Ian McLachlan and Wally Walters. It was unusual however in that Hely never held squadron or base command, and remained in one post, Air Member for Personnel, for a whopping six years. I plan on taking to FAC assuming a successful outcome here, so have at it... ;-) Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 07:22, 12 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Support with minor comments:
- "The third child of Prosper Frederick Hely, a storekeeper, and his wife Alice (née Lloyd), William Lloyd (Bill) Hely was born on 24 August 1909 at Wellington, New South Wales." I'd advise starting this first paragraph the other way around: "William Lloyd... was born... the third child..." or something like that.
- I think I did it my way to avoid the semblance of effectively using the Australian Dictionary of Biography article's phrasing, maybe that's carrying things too far, I don't know... ;-)
- "In addition to the four graduates the Air Force had enrolled in 1927, budgetary constraints imposed during the Great Depression necessitated the transfer from Duntroon of eight other RAAF-sponsored cadets midway through their four-year course, including Alister Murdoch, Bill Garing and Douglas Candy." This felt a bit cryptic - did this mean that Hely was transferred Duntroon? If so, to where?
- If I made it "transfer from Duntroon to Point Cook of"?
- That's clearer - but am I right in thinking that Hely was transferred? If so, could we say "As a result of budgetary constraints imposed during the Great Depression, Hely was transferred from Duntroon to Point Cook in xxxx midway through his four-year course, along with..."? It would be clearer still, I think.
- No, Hely went to RAAF anyway, per the previous sentence, "He graduated as a lieutenant on 9 December 1930, and the following day enlisted in the RAAF". It was these eight other cadets midway through their course who transferred early. I thought it was worth including this because a few of them figure later in Hely's story, and they're all pictured with him in the accompanying image... Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 02:27, 14 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- ""Grave fears" had been held for their safety" - unclear from context who the quote is from.
- Fair point since there are two sources! "According to the Argus..." or "The Argus reported that..."?
- "Fenton was subsequently quoted as saying "I have only the highest praise for the efficient manner in which Hely conducted a difficult search and the skilful way in which he located me and picked me up"." - Would "later" work better than "subsequently"?
- I thought the latter as it can imply cause and effect as well as simply "afterwards".
- "In October, he joined the Deputy Chief of the Air Staff, Air Vice Marshal Bill Bostock, as a delegate to a defence conference in Singapore, where the Australian contingent found the local forces ill-prepared for an attack by the Japanese, and recommended significant increases in air capability, both in Australia and the Pacific Islands, to meet the threat." - Was it Hely who recommended the increases, or the Australian contingent? It's unclear from the wording.
- If I dropped the comma after "the Japanese", would that make it clearer we mean the contingent as a whole?
- "(subsequently renamed No. 10 Local Air Supply Unit )" - spare space at the end there
- Tks!
- " after almost forty years in the military" - would the MOS have this as "40 years"? Hchc2009 (talk) 19:53, 12 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Support on prose per new standard disclaimer. - Dank (push to talk) 02:25, 17 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Support Minor comments - excellent article as always. Just a couple of rather minor comments:
- "His early postings as a pilot in 1932–33" and next sentence "he served at Point Cook from 1933 to 1936" - inconsistent presentation, and I have been informed that "to" is the preferred method in such year ranges.
- I tend to prefer dashes when it's successive years (e.g. 1932–33) and "from/to" when it's longer (e.g. from 1933 to 1936) but I don't feel strongly about it... ;-)
- "The official mourning party included... Vice Admiral Sir Victor Smith" - Smith was Chief of Naval Staff at the time of Hely's funeral, so for the purposes of consistency you might want to mention that too.
- Yes, figured he was, it just wasn't mentioned in the report and I felt the sentence was long enough...
- I don't see any harm in adding it in, particularly given all of the other chiefs are mentioned. Not a major issue, however, so up to you. :) Abraham, B.S. (talk)
- Yes, figured he was, it just wasn't mentioned in the report and I felt the sentence was long enough...
- Regarding the succession boxes, is it known who preceded Hely as Air Member for Personnel? If not, that box can probably be removed.
- Great minds, I didn't add that and when I saw it my reaction was similar to yours (see my edit summary for further explanation).
- I figured you didn't, and just thought I'd add my 2 cents in... ;) Though I see two more succession boxes have returned. Up to you, of course, whether or not to keep them in, but if you do I'd recommend adding the appropriate ranks in for consistency. Abraham, B.S. (talk)
- Great minds, I didn't add that and when I saw it my reaction was similar to yours (see my edit summary for further explanation).
Cheers, Abraham, B.S. (talk) 02:53, 25 June 2013 (UTC)[reply]
- The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.