Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/Heuschrecke 10

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Heuschrecke 10[edit]

Previous peer review

It is currently on a real peer review, but I have gotten no good answers and it has changed a lot, see this diff which shows the difference from the old peer review to this one. Dreamy § 01:16, 29 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Megapixie[edit]

A promising start. Suggestions:
  • The lead is a little confused - i.e. there are single sentences like "The manufacturers were based in Magdeburg.", which spoil the flow of prose a little. Try and break it into maybe three paragraphs, which each paragraph about a specific area.
  •  Done
  • When I write these articles I try and split it clearly into a Lead, Development, Description, Operational history, Variants. The description should include a front to back description of the vehicle. Example: "The tank has a welded steel hull varying in thickness between 10 and 25 millimeters. The driver sits at the front left of the hull, with the engine to his right. The engine is a The driving controls are lever based, with four forward gears and two reverse gears connected to the Acme hydrotransmission system by a series of rods. Behind the driver, in the center of the turret is the two man turret..." This is important, as the article should be able to stand alone to a certain extent.
  •  Done
Megapixie (talk) 04:41, 29 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]

GraemeLeggett[edit]

  • MoS stuff for a start. I've fixed some of it.
  • Could you please explain what must be done?
  • Introductory paragraphs are confusing - the intro should be a clear overview of it.
  •  Done
  • The relationship between the two designs is confusing. Were there 2 designs of which one was selected and one not, or were both selected?
  • The comparison of the two is over-complex - especially since they both have the same crew and engine and other details. The specification comparison should be summarised for those who can't follow the spec table.
  • How would I do that? And if you notice there are differences. Doing...
  • Where does the 165/1 fit in - another design, a derivative?
  • Yes... It doesn't need to be there, it is just another weapon-carrier that came before the Heuschrecke. I'll remove it. Done

GraemeLeggett (talk) 13:07, 29 January 2008 (UTC)[reply]

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