Wikipedia:WikiProject Military history/Peer review/Siege of Trsat

Siege of Trsat

I am interested in opinions of more experienced editors on how the quality and standard of the article can be improved, maybe even for GA class some day. One of the problems is, that there isn't enough accurate sources of the battle itself. Thanks. Kebeta (talk) 21:36, 31 March 2010 (UTC)

Magicpiano

Interesting read; if the sources can support some of my commentary, it has potential.

I wouldn't necessarily worry about a lack of accurate or detailed sources; there are many events of all sorts where details are lacking. All you have to do is make sure you properly cover what the sources you have actually say; particularly note if they talk about a lack of primary material to justify "unknown" details. It's fine to do this explicitly; read some of the GA/FA articles about battles and wars of ancient Greece. If I was reviewing this for GA, I would expect the vague/unknown values in the infobox to be cited, and perhaps discuss in the siege and aftermath how various sources characterize the force and casualty counts.

Some specific comments:

• Background: assume your reader is a 12-year-old child from India. Is your background sufficient to describe the political landscape of Europe at the time? Probably not; you need to provide more, and indicate how the relevant borders relate to modern states. (I find in articles I write about battles and sieges that the background is often equal or greater in length than the action itself.)
• "Thus, " - I hate "thus". Simply state "This brought the Frankish state..."
• I have a very weak sense of the severity of the impact of Eric's death. Is it really limited to the fact that his successor's campaigns the following year? You need to play up his importance before the action, and emphasize more the consequences of his absence afterward (assuming sources discuss this, of course).
• It seems to be implied in the aftermath that the Byzantines had some influence over Littoral Croatia. You should explain what kind of relationship they had in the background. (Were the Avars and Slavs part of the Byzantine Empire? Vassal states? Buffer states playing one side against the other?)
• The article will need copyediting - extra and missing commas, other mostly minor grammatical issues. This should probably not happen until after it's more factually elaborate.

-- Magic♪piano 14:34, 9 April 2010 (UTC)

Thanks Magicpiano for a review. I found the above well meaning remarks very useful, especially part about sources and a a lack of primary material. Background will be expanded, and copyediting is always needed after my heavy edits. Regards, Kebeta (talk) 20:23, 20 April 2010 (UTC)