Wikipedia:WikiProject Video games/Peer review/Shadowrun (Sega)

Shadowrun (Sega)[edit]

I've nominated this article because it's been a stub for quite a while. I just expanded it as much as I could, but I'd really like suggestions/corrections to improve it further: what should be added, corrected, etc, and a new rating on the assessment scale. Thanks! --Revoish 12:04, 7 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

I've given the first part of the article a rewrite; I'll probably get to the rest later. There's certainly a good amount of information here. The biggest problem with your writing is unnecessary details: "The player goes to the Mr Johnson and asks for a job. The Johnson explains the details of the run. The Johnson names a pay for the run. The player can accept or refuse the run" which can be reduced to "Johnsons offer a variety of jobs to the player", although I chose to emphasise other parts of it as well. Don't just describe exact sequences of events; summarize. Nifboy 17:42, 8 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]

The plot section is, while "complete", neither very well organized nor really gives a sense of which plot areas/characters are vital and which are minor characters that only exist to give the player information. I would turn the story into prose (like gameplay is now) and cut out the things that don't really matter much. Nifboy 01:47, 10 September 2006 (UTC)[reply]