Wikipedia:Wikipedia Signpost/2018-01-16/Humour

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Humour

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By Barbara Page

m'I bad?

The temptation is too strong!

I have serious problems. Every time I log in, I am overwhelmed with an uncontrollable urge to vandalize. Once I talk myself down from the ledge, take a deep breath, and give myself a couple of slaps it eventually passes. So then I get back to work. I put on my grown-up face and dig in and the urge to vandalize begins to dissipate. One day it got really bad. I took a break and then typed the word 'squirrel' into a Google news search box. Squirrels are a very notable group of rodents, btw. I hit the mother lode.

But now they're back. My urges, I mean (not the squirrels).

A very wise and experienced editor agreed to a counseling session to deal with my issues. Though they admitted that they did not possess a sense of humour, they advised me to take out those urges in/on The Signpost. This seemed like a reasonable option when compared to being blocked.

It is frustrating to see how much content is really missing in Wikipedia and in all its mirrors. I still maintain that article creation is NOT vandalizing, but writing on topics that are inherently humourous is the placebo I need to NOT vandalize. Perhaps others may need an outlet to thwart their own urges to vandalize the encyclopedia. Therefore, and thusly I have created another list that appears below. The redlinks below have accompanying references, some of which are fabulous, non-sensible blogs, but can support the general notability guidelines of these topics. You can thank me for finding these references in the comments section below. I did the work and I am offering others the chance to experience honor, popularity, fame, glory, DYKs, barnstars, rambunctious talk page discussions, deletions, reversions, topic bans and Signpost articles about what you've done. They are:

A jammed toe resonates throughout the whole body as this illustration proves. If you really want to start crying, imagine this event coinciding with a case of the gout.
Further information: Toe Jam Hill
Don't be fooled into thinking that this might be a group of musicians who get together every Wednesday night making music with their feet. Not only is this topic notable for its anatomical odor and fuzz but it has connections with cheese innoculants. Another article that is missing and related to this one would be the actual method of injury that occurs when, in the middle of the night, you leave your bed to only have your big toe slam into something big, heavy and hard on the way to the water closet. This article is called Toe jam trauma.
  1. ^ "Urban Dictionary: toe jam". Urban Dictionary. Retrieved 2017-12-17.
  2. ^ "What Is Toe Jam? Symptoms and Treatment | UPMC". UPMC HealthBeat. 2015-10-20. Retrieved 2017-12-17.
  3. ^ "Cheese made from human toe jam, belly-button bacteria". CNET. Retrieved 2017-12-17.
  4. ^ "Why do toenails smell like cheese? - Science Questions - Naked Scientists". www.thenakedscientists.com.
  5. ^ Voorhees, Don (5 August 2008). Disgusting Things: A Miscellany. Penguin. ISBN 9781440631092 – via Google Books.
  6. ^ "Scientists create toe, belly button cheese from human bacteria".
  7. ^ Curwin, Julie (2007-12-04). "The Goo Tolerance Index: a foolproof method for choosing a medical specialty". CMAJ : Canadian Medical Association Journal. 177 (12): 1545–1546. doi:10.1503/cmaj.071435. ISSN 0820-3946. PMC 2096484. PMID 18056620.
Tasty, boiled down juice from a sappy maple.
It is a potentially high-scoring word in Scrabble OR a leaky plant. Mawkish may be a synonym. Don't you just love English?
  1. ^ "Definition of SAPPY". www.merriam-webster.com.
  2. ^ "words made with Sappiness, words with sappiness, anagram of Sappiness". scrabble.merriam.com.
  3. ^ "Urban Dictionary: sappy". Urban Dictionary.
  4. ^ "sappy - Dictionary Definition".
  5. ^ "5 Thoughts On Sappy Movies". 22 February 2016.
  6. ^ "sappy boring movies". IMDb.
You probably need a tissue.
See also: Walkin' Wheels
spammy version
If wide-eyed, sad looking Bassett hounds don't make you cry, this will. Where are the cat wheelchairs? I guess the folks who nail kitties with automobiles tend not to miss.
  1. ^ "How to Make A Dog Wheelchair: A Complete Guide to A Useful DIY Project". 20 August 2015.
  2. ^ "Community Rallies for Disabled Dog Whose Wheelchair Was Stolen". ABC News. 17 August 2016.
  3. ^ "The Best Dog Wheelchairs". 18 September 2017.
Don't inhale.
People write about this as if it is a good thing.
  1. ^ "Puppy Breath: Why You Love It and How to Prolong the Sweetness". Care.com.
  2. ^ "Bad Breath in Dogs".
  3. ^ "Here's Why a Puppy's Breath Smells So Good". www.thisdogslife.co.
Stay in your car or you will become a citation.
Though a cabal has not been proven with certainty, supremacy in close human encounters is always on the side of the moose, especially if you are walking your puppy with the bad breath.
  1. ^ "7 Signs You're Going to be Attacked by a Moose". 4 June 2014.
  2. ^ "Why are moose more dangerous than bears in Alaska?". 25 April 2008.
  3. ^ dfg.webmaster@alaska.gov. "Aggressive Moose, Alaska Department of Fish and Game". www.adfg.alaska.gov.
They are in there somewhere.
Further information: Cryps
This is anatomy – not gang warfare. Please note that the references do not meet the guidelines of WP:MEDRS but you can find these future hemmoroids between the rectal columns. The Emergency Medicine Wiki has this article and so we know they aren't running a mirror of WP. This way too much information, but the eighth graders will like it.
  1. ^ "anal crypt".
  2. ^ "Anal Canal Anatomy: Gross Anatomy, Tissue, Nerves, and Muscles, Pathophysiologic Variants". 28 October 2016 – via eMedicine.
  3. ^ "Cryptitis - WikEM". wikem.org.
"Don't be fooled by the enormous cheek pouches, I really am quite svelte."
It is a real thing.
  1. ^ Patel, Vishal; Joharapurkar, Amit; Kshirsagar, Samadhan; Patel, Hiren; Pandey, Dheerendra; Patel, Dipam; Sutariya, Brijesh; Patel, Maulik; Bahekar, Rajesh; Jain, Mukul (2017). "Balanced Coagonist of GLP-1 and Glucagon Receptors Corrects Dyslipidemia by Improving FGF21 Sensitivity in Hamster Model". Drug Research. 67 (12): 730–736. doi:10.1055/s-0043-118808. ISSN 2194-9379. PMID 28898910.
  2. ^ "Fat Hamsters! Is your hamster too fat? - The Hamster House". 2 October 2014.
  3. ^ Mattacks, CA; Pond, CM (1988). "Site-specific and sex differences in the rates of fatty acid/triacylglycerol substrate cycling in adipose, tissue and muscle of sedentary and exercised dwarf hamsters (Phodopus sungorus)". International Journal of Obesity. 12 (6): 585–97. PMID 3235275.
Though this not a tuba, but a sousaphone, it should still probably be tossed.
This is what happens when musicians think they are atheletes. Though not yet an Olympic sport, there are serious contenders.
  1. ^ "Yutan tuba toss - News/Features - Suburban Newspapers, Inc". omahanewsstand.mycapture.com.
  2. ^ "Making a tuba-sized splash - The Daily Illini". dailyillini.com.
  3. ^ "Ranger band hosting tuba toss fundraiser - Leader Publications". www.leaderpub.com.
This image has nothing to do with cats whatsoever.
The logo on the webpage of the second reference has an uncanny resemblance to the Women in Red project logo. I'm not kidding. Also, cats can reabsorb their teeth??? I'm still not kidding.
  1. ^ "Dental Anatomy of Cats". www.vivo.colostate.edu.
  2. ^ "5 Things You Should Know About Your Cat's Teeth - iHeartCats.com". 26 May 2017.
  3. ^ Kelley, JaneA (17 February 2015). "5 Fascinating Facts About Your Cat's Teeth - Catster".
  4. ^ "Kitten Teething: What You Need to Know".
  5. ^ Dale Kressin. "Feline Tooth Resorption - Cat Dental Resorption - Cat Dentist - Minnesota, Wisconsin". www.mypetsdentist.com.
  6. ^ "Your Cat's Teeth". 13 February 2014.
Some enjoy the pain.
This is a thing, an event that almost every human has experienced. It is painful and annoying. Sometimes a little critter will ride the wave up into your nose, wiggle its way into your brain, turn it into a sponge, and then you die.
  1. ^ "WATCH: Why does it hurt to get water up your nose?". PBS NewsHour.
  2. ^ Care, Advocate Health (27 June 2016). "The potentially deadly consequences of getting water up your nose - health enews".
  3. ^ "Water Up My Nose When I Swim".
  4. ^ "Serious Health Risk: Brain-eating Amoeba! - WeatherBug Know Before". 20 May 2014.
  5. ^ "To Avoid Brain-Eating Amoebas, Hold Your Nose".
  6. ^ "Amoebic meningitis". healthywa.wa.gov.au.
She should have checked for monsters.
A cultural belief that there are monsters under your bed. I believed in this so strongly as a child that I would stand in the hallway, start running through my bedroom door, leap ten feet into the air to land safely on my bed. I ran so fast that the monsters under my bed did not have a chance to grab my legs and pull me under. Some lame sources claim that parents can make spray that will eliminate the beasts, but no child ever believes this is true.
  1. ^ "The Monster Under the Bed – "Embrace your fear."". themonsterunderthebed.net.
  2. ^ "Monsters Under the Bed: Understanding Kid Fears". 13 August 2008.
  3. ^ "How to Eliminate Monsters Under the Bed".
  4. ^ LishSoft (13 November 2013). "Monster Under The Bed Scanner" – via Google Play.
  5. ^ "The Interesting History Of That Monster Under The Bed". 19 August 2015.
  6. ^ "The Monsters Under the Bed Are Real: Why Children Protest Bedtime - Kindred Media". 28 October 2011.

No attribution for the above content is necessary and I am completely to blame.


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In commemoration of this Temperance and Good Citizenship Day, I will be happy to award a barnstar to the first editor to create (well sourced etc.) one of the redlinked articles. Double credit if it links to Toe Jam Hill because, well, this. ☆ Bri (talk) 21:13, 16 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]

I am in complete agreement with the distinguished and honorable editor Bri and am seriously considering coming up with some type of prize, say, an Amazon gift card.... Best Regards, Barbara (WVS) ✐  ✉ 21:59, 17 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]
All I could think of is you Blue when I was drafting up the hamster bit. At one time in my life I had 95 hammies. I bred some sweet-looking tricolors. Those Russians are satanic, n'est pas? One almost bit my finger off. Best Regards, Barbara (WVS) ✐  ✉ 22:39, 17 January 2018 (UTC)[reply]
  • I actually sometimes had the temptation to vandalize, but to me the best solution is to patrol recent changes by IP addresses and read all the stupid goofy stuff they can write. About 1 edit in eight by IPs are vandalism, so if you click a few dozen changes, you should certainly find some very hilarious vandalism. I hope this helps. L293D (✉ ) 03:05, 4 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]
Excellent remedy. You and I must be the only ones confessing how we struggle with the urge to vandalize. Barbara (WVS) ✐  ✉ 07:56, 10 February 2018 (UTC)[reply]


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