Talk:1999 Baltimore mayoral election/GA1

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Reviewer: Hurricanehink (talk · contribs) 16:06, 29 October 2013 (UTC)[reply]

  • The first sentence should probably say who won. In fact, it seems highly odd that the lede never says who won!
    • The lead did say who won, but it was at the very end, so I agree it wasn't prominent enough. It's now in the first paragraph. Does that work? – Muboshgu (talk) 18:45, 29 October 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • Surely, somewhere in the article there should be a link to List of mayors of Baltimore (say, perhaps for "the 47th in the city's history"?)
    • I had linked to Mayor of Baltimore in the "Background section", and that's a redirect to the article in question. I took that link out and made the list of Baltimore mayors a "See also". – Muboshgu (talk) 18:45, 29 October 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "as the prohibitive favorite" - I think "prohibitive" might be a bit much here. Just "as the favorite" would work
  • "Baltimore's large African American population made it seem likely that the next mayor would also be African American." - perhaps add "initially" somewhere in here, as O'Malley obviously isn't African American. Also, any way to cut one of those usages to avoid redundancy? Something like "that the next mayor would also be of that ethnicity"?
  • "Baltimore was experiencing a high murder rate and a high unemployment rate." - I'd add "at the time", or "in 1999" somewhere around here. Otherwise it's an unusual way to start off a paragraph. And consider merging in the subsequent sentence about schools
    • Added "In 1999,..." to start the sentence. Merged school sentence. – Muboshgu (talk) 18:45, 29 October 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Baltimore experienced 300 murders a year" - as of 1999?
  • "the second-biggest decrease during that time period in the United States" - what does this mean? Among big cities?
    • The source says "nationwide" – Muboshgu (talk) 18:48, 30 October 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • "City officials considered raising the salary of the mayor, to make the position more enticing" - when?
  • " However, Mfume had signed a five-year contract with the NAACP in 1996. He considered running,[10] but ultimately decided that he committed to running the NAACP.[2] In May, Mfume opted not to run, remaining with the NAACP" - some redundancy here
  • Could you merge "O'Malley won the primary election with more than 50% of the vote." with - "O'Malley received 30% of the African American vote."
  • Could you provide some more info on the Republican primary? Like, when anyone announced? Who any of them were?
    • It's hard to, since they were all essentially no names, aside from Tufaro, who was not a politician. I'll try. – Muboshgu (talk) 18:55, 29 October 2013 (UTC)[reply]
  • I think some broader context would be useful. Perhaps change "The Wire" to "Aftermath"? Maybe mention when O'Malley was seated as mayor? When were the results certified? Were there really no third party candidates? I think it's worth mentioning that O'Malley won re-election in 2003, and later became governor.
    • I was wondering if O'Malley's political future belonged here or not. I can add some details. Oh, and there were no third party candidates. The BOE site shows the full results, and it was only the two. – Muboshgu (talk) 18:55, 29 October 2013 (UTC)[reply]

The article is decent, but could use a bit of work. On hold for now. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 16:06, 29 October 2013 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks, looking better already :) --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 19:04, 29 October 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks. I've added a little more on the general election, added info on a debate that involved seven candidates (4 D and 3 R), and I'm trying to see if I can find more Tufaro/Adair specific content. Then I'll add more on O'Malley's mayoralty and gubernatorial election. – Muboshgu (talk) 20:37, 29 October 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I think Aftermath and "The Wire" sections could be combined. The Wire section borders on trivia, but I do agree with it being included, so maybe just merge that bit? --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 01:31, 30 October 2013 (UTC)[reply]
I can put it all into one "Aftermath section". I do agree that the Carcetti/O'Malley parallels are noteworthy, as they have been brought up by members of the media. – Muboshgu (talk) 11:44, 30 October 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Great, happy to pass then! --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:35, 31 October 2013 (UTC)[reply]
Thanks! – Muboshgu (talk) 11:56, 31 October 2013 (UTC)[reply]
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