Talk:2011–12 Australia women's national goalball team/GA1
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Reviewer: Leech44 (talk · contribs) 23:15, 28 January 2013 (UTC) I'll give this one a go. I have given it a once over and should have some comments up soon.--Mo Rock...Monstrous (leech44) 23:15, 28 January 2013 (UTC)
Overall it looks pretty good, but I do have a few comments
Lead
It says the team is nicknamed the Belles, but in the background it says the team is nicknamed Australian Belles. If the official nickname is Australian Belles the lead should reflect that. IMO you would still be fine simply calling them the Belles throughout the rest of the article.For the IBSA World Goalball Games it mentions what teams they beat and they finished second in their pool. Were any of the wins considered upsets or were particularly notable? I think it would read better if instead simply stated While Australia finished second in its pool, they finished the tournament in sixth place following a loss to Israel.- The player stats are all from the final game against Sweden, is there a particulate reason for that? Since the Paralympics are the big event shouldn't the player totals from the whole tournament and not just one game?
Background
"Going into the competitions for qualifying for the London 2012 Summer Paralympics, the Australian Paralympic Committee was thinking ahead, that they would qualify for the 2016 Summer Paralympics." This statement is odd to me, what is the barring on this team of them looking forward to qualifying in 2016? Were younger more inexperienced players chosen with the expectation they would be able to represent Australia in 2016 and 2012 would give them valuable experience? It seems to just be sitting out there by itself.capped should be linked to Cap (sport), I don't know if its a common term world wide, but its not commonly used in North America.
- Maybe it just not a US thing or used by media types because I had never heard that expression until reading Wikipedia. Regardless thanks for linking.
2011 IBSA Goalball World Games
"Australia's first attempt to qualify for the London Paralympics came at the 2011 IBSA Goalball World Games, held in Turkey in April." The use of the word "in" so close together at the end of the sentence feels a little awkward to me. Personally I would move April to the middle of the sentence ...to qualify for the London Paralympics came in April at the 2011...Not a big deal, but if the tournament was held in one city in Turkey I would mention that and link it. If it were multiple cities I would still link Turkey, but that's probably just be personal preference. Same with Sydney in the next section.This is kind of for all of the tournament sections. Were any of their wins/losses upsets or otherwise particularly notable, like something odd happening during the competition? Right now they are just sort of a list of scores. It wouldn't hurt to break up some of the "the following day they won/lost" sentences, particularly in this section. But, if nothing of note happened than there is nothing to add.
- Fair enough kind of figured that that would be the case, but it doesn't hurt to ask.
2011 IBSA Africa-Oceania Goalball Regional Championships
There is no link to this tournament so I am unsure why they only needed to play two games and how they were both against New Zealand. If they defeated New Zealand in a semi-final how did they rematch in the final? Some explanation here would be beneficial."The Australian women played New Zealand again in the final, beating them again 6–2, with Christensen scoring three goals, Esdaile scoring two and Taylor scoring one." The repetition of the word "again" is awkward in this sentence. I would remove one of them maybe something like: "The Australian women re-matched New Zealand in the final, beating them again 6–2..." or "The Australian women played New Zealand again in the final, defeating them a second time 6–2..."
Paralympics
The first sentence just begins with "Their pool included..." it does not introduce where they are. Obviously by the section header it is know that it is the Paralympics, but the prose should probably state that. Something like At the 2012 Summer Paralympics they were place in a pool which included...I think I would combined the notes about the US and China being reining medalist from 2008. Something like ...with the United States and China as the reining gold and silver medalist respectively from the 2008...- Out of curiosity was there any notable reaction to their Paralympics performance? Such as fall out/criticism for finishing last or praise for qualifying since the previously two attempts fell short?
- Everybody was in tears. Everybody expected London to be a dress rehearsal for Rio. Everybody expected that they would lose, but that it would be a vital and invaluable training and learning experience. Everybody, that is, but the players, who truly believed with all their hearts that they had a real chance. Which would have made a great Hollywood movie, but... everybody was right. They were in tears, inconsolable, and everybody felt so very sorry for them. We all tried out best to console them. I wished Tyan Taylor good luck in Rio. Hawkeye7 (talk) 02:26, 29 January 2013 (UTC)
- If there is enough information out there it might be worth adding a sort of reception/legacy type of paragraph or section.
Feel free to debate or ask questions about anything I have posted here. Cheers --Mo Rock...Monstrous (leech44) 00:53, 29 January 2013 (UTC)
- My concerns have been taken care of. I'm going to pass this. Nice work. --Mo Rock...Monstrous (leech44) 04:30, 29 January 2013 (UTC)