Jump to content

Talk:2012 Bucharest hair salon shooting

Page contents not supported in other languages.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Lead

[edit]

The lead section needs rewriting to only mention the number of victims once. The victims are mentioned in the first and third sentences. Why mention this twice? Also, 9 "other people" were "shocked". So did they witness the shooting, i.e. were they present in the salon when it happened or did they turn up afterwards? This needs to be explained more accurately by using a word like "witnesses" rather than the vague term "other people". Overall this should make the lead section tighter and more informative but with fewer words - Cameron Dewe (talk) 07:02, 20 March 2021 (UTC)[reply]