Talk:Alan Deere/GA1

GA Review[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Peacemaker67 (talk · contribs) 07:59, 11 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

This article is in good shape. I have some comments:

Lead

given one of the points of notability for him is being an ace, perhaps it should be in the first sentence?
link Westport, New Zealand
suggest "his continued accomplishments earned him a bar to his DFC"
should it be "No. 403 Squadron RCAF"?
no link or numerical designation for "Biggin Hill wing"?

Woke up this morning and realised I missed this one. No, there doesn't seem to be - they appear to be identified by the station they flew from. I have clarified the description of the wings in a couple of places. Zawed (talk) 20:51, 12 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

perhaps mention that he remained living in the UK after the war given he was a Kiwi
you could add No. 54 Squadron to the infobox in the |units= field

Body

"~~and established a home~~" they presumably had one in Westport, seems redundant
"When Charles Kingsford-Smith visited Wanganui" I think this was in September 1928? See [1]

This puzzled me a bit as the family was in Westport in 1928, which is a long way from Wanganui, but then I realised it was the 1933 visit, reported here. Zawed (talk) 10:25, 12 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

"He had to' undertake"?
link First solo flight
for short service commission link officer (armed forces) and drop the later link
say Bulawayo was in Rhodesia
link formation flying
"he blacked-out as'
convert 27,000 feet, and other altitudes given elsewhere
no first name for White?
perhaps say that the Miles Magister was a training aircraft
say that the Messerschmitt Me 109 was a fighter aircraft when first mentioned, same for heavy fighter when Messerschmitt Me 110s are mentioned, and Junkers Ju 88 as a divebomber, and Dornier Do 17 as a light bomber
"The mission was a success, for Leathart"
why is [sic] there?

I thought it might be necessary as the style of "G Force", as expressed in the quote, does not match how many people would express it (g-force). Zawed (talk) 09:22, 12 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

link destroyer
he managed to glided→he glided
say Manston is in Kent
italicise Kanalkampf as an uncommon foreign word
Cattrick→Catterick
say North Foreland is in Kent
"to intercept a bombing raid ~~but~~they encountered 40 Me 109s"
"~~and he~~and with its engine on fire"
for bailed out link Parachute
but not being able→but was not able
say Boreham is in Essex
disregarded these→disregarded this
say Ayr is in Scotland
and for narrow escapes
say HMS Prince of Wales was a battleship
link No. 242 Squadron RAF
"Two more Me 109s were claimed as damaged"→"Deere claimed two more Me 109s as damaged"
say Focke-Wulf Fw 190s were fighters
link No. 485 Squadron RNZAF

I think you picked this up in the wing commander section? 485 Squadron is first mentioned in the squadron leader section (3rd para) and linked there. Zawed (talk) 09:42, 12 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

byfrom the Free French forces
link fighter ace
suggest "he was appointed as an Officer of the Order of the British Empire (OBE)" any idea what for?
say RAF Linton-on-Ouse is in North Yorkshire
link RAF Wildenrath
Aaide-de-camp
RAF's college at Cranwell.→RAF College, Cranwell.
for funeral cortège link Funeral procession
~~Johnny~~ Checketts
fighter ace is duplinked in the lead
née is duplinked in the last section
trim the non-RS from the EL section per ELNO
the navbox at the bottom has Deere at 22, but the article says it has been downgraded to 17 by recent studies?

I have updated that navbox. Zawed (talk) 10:25, 12 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

That's my lot. Placing on hold for the above to be addressed. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 08:31, 12 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Peacemaker67, thanks for the very thorough review. I have dealt with the various points raised, but there are a few replies to specific comments above. Cheers, Zawed (talk) 10:25, 12 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

No worries, it was mostly MOS and nitpicks, the content was excellent. This article is well-written, verifiable using reliable sources, covers the subject well, is neutral and stable, contains no plagiarism, and is illustrated by appropriately licensed images with appropriate captions. Passing. Peacemaker67 (click to talk to me) 00:51, 13 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Random comment

Currently, the second sentence of the article reads, "He was notable for the number of near death experiences he had during the course of the war." Really? I am a bit surprised by this, it seems much more likely that he is more known for military success and/or the number of enemy aircraft destroyed. b uidhe 10:49, 12 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]

He was known for both. I made a point of mentioning his narrow escapes in a couple of places including discussing the title of his autobiography for this reason. Zawed (talk) 20:56, 12 May 2020 (UTC)[reply]