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Talk:Alphonsus J. Donlon/GA1

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GA Review

[edit]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.


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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 19:59, 4 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]


Comments

  • No chance of finding a fair use image of Donlon, or even one that's free because copyright should have expired?
    • There are two wonderful photos of Donlon available online in the Georgetown archives. I would have uploaded them, but given the exceptional stringency with which all my FAC noms have been dealt for including photos (some being more than 150 years old!), it would appear that the wiki powers would prefer an article without photos to one with. Ergo Sum 03:02, 6 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Albany, New York to" comma after NY.
  • "His father immigrated" emigrated?
  • I think Ireland doesn't need to be linked, it's a common geographical entity.
    • Though common it may be, I think it reasonable that a common reader might want to inquire about Ireland when seeing it mentioned link so in the article. Ergo Sum 03:05, 6 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "While at Georgetown" third mention of Georgetown in rapid succession, I would consider "While there..." instead?
  • I'm not convinced those common sports need linking.
  • " where he was to study" why not just "where he studied"?
  • "After his first year at MIT," I know it's reasonably well known, but I wouldn't assume it and would add (MIT) after the first mention of the expanded version.
  • "he completed his novitiate after three years. In 1891, he began his two years of study of the classics in Frederick, and followed it with three years philosophy and science, which he completed in 1895." timeline seems a bit out of whack here, unless there were overlaps? Joined 1889 for three years, but in 1891 (two years later) began two years of study and three more years of study which he finished in 1895 (not 1896??)
    • Older sources on American Jesuit history tend to be a little hazy when it comes to using proper terminology. I will go back and take a look at the sources to see what's not adding up. Ergo Sum 03:16, 6 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
  • "It was during this time as a teacher ..." this sentence has about four run-on clauses. Could it be rephrased?
  • " to Poughkeepsie, New York to" comma after NY again.
  • "he would teach " why not just "he taught"?
  • "at Georgetown, he also was.." reiterate Donlon here.
  • " purchased 91.83 acres (37.16 hectares)" feels overly precise for such an article.
  • " in the care of the convent." any chance you could be more specific about which aspects of the convent he was interested in taking care over?
  • "transferred to do pastoral work" bug bear of mine "to do X" reads very poorly for me.
  • "prefect of the church" is there a suitable link for prefect? It's not a common term.
  • " Tarrytown, New York on August " comma after NY.
  • New York portal in the template at the bottom of the page is a dab link.
  • Again, the S.J. rears its head in the sucboxes. Any chance of a link or something that lets me, the great unwashed, to understand what that even means?

The Rambling Man (talk) 18:53, 5 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.