Talk:Ana María Sempértegui/GA1

GA Review

Passed. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 00:59, 21 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Nominator: Krisgabwoosh (talk · contribs) 18:26, 2 November 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: BennyOnTheLoose (talk · contribs) 22:34, 7 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

@BennyOnTheLoose: Hi! Thanks for the review. I will get to these ~~tomorrow~~ day after tommorrow. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:02, 14 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Rate	Attribute	Review Comment
1. Well-written:
	1a. the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct.
	1b. it complies with the Manual of Style guidelines for lead sections, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation.
2. Verifiable with no original research, as shown by a source spot-check:
	2a. it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline.
	2b. reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose).
	2c. it contains no original research.
	2d. it contains no copyright violations or plagiarism.	I reviewed the top matches found using Earwig's Copyvio Detector. No concerns - the matches were titles. No issues found during spot checks either.
3. Broad in its coverage:
	3a. it addresses the main aspects of the topic.
	3b. it stays focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail (see summary style).
	4. Neutral: it represents viewpoints fairly and without editorial bias, giving due weight to each.
	5. Stable: it does not change significantly from day to day because of an ongoing edit war or content dispute.	No edit warring in the history.
6. Illustrated, if possible, by media such as images, video, or audio:
	6a. media are tagged with their copyright statuses, and valid non-free use rationales are provided for non-free content.
	6b. media are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions.	Images are official portraits and are CC.
	7. Overall assessment.

Early life and career

Spot check on Ana María Sempértegui was born on 15 December 1958 in Potosí to a family of humble means involved in the department's mining industry - what's the supporting text for "a family of humble means"? I think it's from a different source to those cited.

Yeah, that should be cited to Gonzales Salas. Fixed. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 23:13, 17 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Spot check on a mine mechanic stationed at Pailaviri, and his wife Elena Valdez Tardío, a career homemaker - what't the supporting text for this?

All of this is cited in Gonzales Salas: "Mis padres fueron Héctor Sempértegui Toro y Elena Valdez Tardío ... Vengo de una familia humilde; de un papá mecánico de interior mina que trabajó en la mina Pailaviri de Potosí y de una mamá ama de casa". Krisgabwoosh (talk) 23:13, 17 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Spot check on She then enrolled at the women's lyceum Sucre - no issues
"lent her services to private sector corporations" - isn't it better just to say that "she worked for private sector corporations"?

Fair enough. I also restructured the sentence a bit. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 23:13, 17 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Spot check on his personal accountant. - no issues

Chamber of Deputies

Spot check on giving him great latitude to select candidates as he saw fit - no issues.
"The result: Sempértegui was elected to" - Maybe just state that Sempértegui was listed and elected?

Changed to "as a result". Krisgabwoosh (talk) 23:13, 17 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

"No sooner did the elections come to pass than CN – devoid of either clear leadership or ideological coherence – fell apart as an effective parliamentary alliance" - was this before the elecion? Wording makes it look like it was at the same time.

Most sources I've seen basically state that CN effectively ceased to exist after the election ended. It still operated as a parliamentary group but not as a functioning electoral or political organization. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 23:13, 17 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

"Sempértegui's tenure made headwinds in the development of children's rights law." I don't think headwinds is the right word here.

The word I think I was looking for was "headway". Krisgabwoosh (talk) 23:13, 17 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Spot chek on Absent their political benefactor, Sempértegui and other Paredes allies were not nominated for reelection come the 2014 elections" - the entry for Sempértegui says that she was not re-elected; I don't see it supporting "Absent [her] political benefactor".

The entries for Paredes's other two members, Hernán Paredes and Alejandro Zapata, both mention J. L. Paredes's absence as the reason they weren't nominated for reelection. If you think the link isn't clear enough, I could try separating the claims. Something along the lines of: "Absent their political benefactor, Paredes's allies were not nominated for reelection come the 2014 elections. This was also the case for Sempértegui, who did not compete for a second term." 23:13, 17 May 2024 (UTC)

Perhaps I'm being bit pedantic, but I would prefer that. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 10:30, 20 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

No, no, you're probably right. Issued related to WP:SYNTH have come up in other reviews, as well. I've now seperated the claims. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 19:35, 20 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Lead

"1985 to 1986 and 1988 and 1989." - needs a tweak, I think

Changed to "mid- to late 1980s". I looked for the current way to write the phrase ("mid-to-late / mid to late / mid- to late"). Grammarly said it should be "mid-to late" and the promptly called that wrong. So I dunno. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 23:13, 17 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Im not sure about the phrase " became a woman of confidence" - maybe just confidant?

Changed to "close confidant". Krisgabwoosh (talk) 23:13, 17 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

"Paredes secured Sempértegui's election to parliament in 2009" - could do with some expansion, I think.

What would you suggest adding? Krisgabwoosh (talk) 23:13, 17 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I was thinking of adding that it was by his making sure she was "on the list". BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 10:30, 20 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Fixed. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 19:35, 20 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

"His exile meant she was not re-nominated in 2014." - as above, I'm not sure this is currently supported by the cited text.

Changed to "given his exile" which, I think, gives the same meaning without making as assertive a claim. I guess this depends if you accept my reasoning above. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 23:13, 17 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

I think this is OK. BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 10:30, 20 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

All looks fine now. I'm satisifed that the article meets the GA criteria, so I'm passing it. Nice work Krisgabwoosh. Regards, BennyOnTheLoose (talk) 00:58, 21 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.