Talk:Andrew B. Turnbull/GA1

GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: Sportsfan77777 (talk · contribs) 22:29, 7 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Let's do this! Sportsfan77777 (talk) 22:29, 7 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Like last time, I would just link "Green Bay Football Corporation" to "Green Bay Packers, Inc." and get rid of what is in the parentheses.
I would start a second paragraph at "During the early years of the Green Bay Packers"

He moved to Green Bay, Wisconsin from Saginaw, Michigan ===>>> He moved from Saginaw to Green Bay, Wisconsin (And maybe mention Michigan in the Saginaw Daily News sentence in the previous paragraph)

was acquainted with its two founders, Curly Lambeau and George Whitney Calhoun (Calhoun worked as an editor for the Press-Gazette). ===>>> was acquainted with its two founders, Curly Lambeau and George Whitney Calhoun because Calhoun worked as an editor for the Press-Gazette. (Get rid of the parentheses.)
His newspaper has also been recognized as an essential part of the early development of the team. ===>>> His newspaper has also been recognized for playing an essential role in the early development of the team. (Active voice; also the newspaper isn't a part of the team.)
on Thanksgiving, however 12 straight hours of rain threatened to cancel it. ===>>> on Thanksgiving; however, twelve straight hours of rain threatened to cancel it.
would have still had to pay the Duluth team ===>>> would have still needed to pay the Duluth team
even though they lost a significant amount of money on it ===>>> even though they would lose a significant amount of money
Turnbull did just that, ===>>> Turnbull fulfilled his promise,

The former Ms. Boyle died on August 9, 1944. ===>>> Boyle died on August 9, 1944.

Turnbull was a well-respected newspaper executive and is credited with establishing two successful newspapers that are still in distribution as of 2018. ===>>> Turnbull was well-respected as a newspaper executive for establishing the Green Bay Press-Gazette and the Appleton Post-Crescent, two successful newspapers that are still in distribution as of 2018.

If a sentence starts with "In 19XX" or "From 19XX to 19XX", there should be a comma: "In 19XX,". At the moment, some of these have commas, but others do not.
All of the links work.
Image seems fine.
No dab links.
No bare refs.
The plagiarism detector isn't working right now, but I don't suspect any issues.

All of the comments are minor. Placing on hold. Sportsfan77777 (talk) 22:29, 7 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks Sportsfan77777, I believe I have addressed all of your comments. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk) @ 16:33, 8 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]

Passed! Sportsfan77777 (talk) 18:43, 8 April 2019 (UTC)[reply]