The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
I'm going to start this review today. My feeling from an initial read-through is this article pretty easily exceeds WP:GACR, so thank you for your hard work on this subject. My review comments will differentiate between things that need to be corrected for the article to pass GA, and general comments on how to improve the article. I'll review each top-level section in order.
2a) it contains a list of all references (sources of information), presented in accordance with the layout style guideline
2b) reliable sources are cited inline. All content that could reasonably be challenged, except for plot summaries and that which summarizes cited content elsewhere in the article, must be cited no later than the end of the paragraph (or line if the content is not in prose)
At the end of the most recent ice age,: approximately when was this? Perhaps include a year with a Template:circa.
Required:
...because it has a clear atmosphere...: I don't see any mention of air quality in the rest of the article. Content in the lead needs to be mentioned and cited elsewhere in the article.
History
Suggestions:
'Aoraki' is Ngāi Tahu dialect for 'Aorangi'.: This fact does not seem important in the context. The sentence/section could be rearranged to explain that northern iwi use 'Aorangi' for this name, or the fact could probably be removed.
Julius von Haast explored the area at the head of Lakes Tekapo, Pukaki and Ōhau in 1862, collecting specimens, making maps and writing comprehensive reports on his observations, and, starting in 1867, surveyor Edward Sealy explored many glaciers.: Could be split for readability.
Required:
Although there is no evidence of permanent or temporary Māori settlement within the national park, some artefacts and evidence of burnt vegetation such as tōtara have been found in the nearby Mackenzie Basin, and the seasonal food-gathering settlement of Punatahu, on the southern shore of Lake Pukaki.: This sentence is too long, please split.
In the 1860s, explorer and geologist Julius von Haast had many conversations with Māori in Westland and Canterbury and formed the strong opinion that Māori had not crossed the Main Divide anywhere between Haast Pass near Lake Wānaka and the passes north of Aoraki / Mount Cook National Park that link the Hokitika and Rakaia rivers.: This sentence is too long, please split.
Historian Johannes Carl Andersen believed it was possible that Māori had travelled over the Main Divide via Godley Glacier and Sealy Pass, which is at the northern boundary of Aoraki / Mount Cook National Park, to trade pounamu, but others dispute this.: This sentence is too long, please split.
In Note a: It is expected that the New Zealand Geographic Board will change the name to include spaces around the slash in the future. Who is expecting this?
Establishment as a national park
Suggestions:
The word 'gazetted' should be wikilinked as some readers will not know what that means.
Required:
Efforts to protect the alpine environment began early.: This sentence feels incomplete, early in what context?
requesting that the Government protect the alpine region around Aoraki / Mount Cook “from the ruthless demolition that has already deprived it of half its beauty".: This sentence needs a citation. I know it is cited at the end of the section but I think you also need one at the end of the sentence for a direct quote.
Geography
Required:
The valleys of the Tasman, Hooker, and Godley glaciers are the only entrances into the alpine territory that lie below 1,000 m (3,300 ft).: This paragraph is uncited.
At the end of the most recent ice age around 13,000 years ago,[38] the Mueller Glacier, Hooker Glacier, and Haupapa / Tasman Glacier were all tributaries of a much larger glacier covering all of Hooker Valley and Tasman Valley in hundreds of metres of ice.: This sentence is too long, please split.
Eight of the twelve largest glaciers in New Zealand lie within Aoraki / Mount Cook National Park: the Tasman Glacier, Hooker Glacier, Murchison Glacier and Mueller Glacier are in the area surrounding Aoraki / Mount Cook, while further north in the park lie the Godley Glacier, Classen Glacier, Grey Glacier and Maud Glacier.: This sentence is too long, please split.
Geology
Suggestions:
Ref [54] is a dead link, may as well just link to the archived version.
The rock types in the second paragraph (greywacke, argillite, schist) could be wikilinked.
Required:
Over the last 45 million years, the collision of the two tectonic plates has pushed up a 25 km thickness of rocks on the Pacific Plate to form the Southern Alps, in a process of uplifting known as the Kaikōura orogeny which is still continuing.: This sentence is too long, please split.
There are two main rock types in the Southern Alps: sedimentary sandstones, greywacke and argillite, mostly to the east of the Main Divide; and metamorphic schists mostly to the west of the Main Divide.: The prose here is a bit awkward. I think my main issue is the section sedimentary sandstones, greywacke and argillite, which reads like a list of three rocks rather than what it is (the category of rock and the two types). I think this could be somewhat resolved by splitting the sentence.
Ecology
Required:
In adjacent regions, native forest grows to about 1,300 metres (4,300 ft), however, most parts of the park are either at higher altitudes above the tree line or in the proglacial valleys such as the Hooker Valley and Tasman Valley, where the rocky soil of the valley floors and moraine walls do not support forest growth.: This sentence is too long, please split.
such as silver beech and tōtara trees: this clause needs closing punctuation.
however the piopio went extinct later.: Feels a little awkward, I would rewrite to however the piopio later became extinct.
Human interaction
Suggestions:
There are two disconnected sentences about Ed Hillary. I think these could be combined to make the flow better.
Required:
Skiing-touring: should be 'Ski-touring'. This can also be wikilinked (take care to remove the Ski-touring wikilink from the tourism section).
The Hermitage Hotel complex is the focal point of Mount Cook Village, the main point of access to the mountains of Aoraki / Mount Cook National Park.: Rearrange to move 'Mt Cook Village being the main point of access' to the front, as this is the most important fact. The Hermitage Hotel is less important, so the current order makes the prose feel awkward. Given that the hotel has its own section, the up-front mention here could also just be removed.
The peaks of the Aoraki / Mount Cook region have long attracted New Zealand mountaineers.: This sentence specifies "New Zealand mountaineers" but the next sentence says the first travelled from outside New Zealand. In this case we can just say "mountaineers".
Management and conservation
Suggestions:
'Tourism NZ' in the Higgins quote could be wikilinked to Tourism New Zealand.
In the interests of balance, it might be worth mentioning that while DOC recommends eradicating tahr, there are some people that campaign to keep them around as hunting targets.
The section on lead toxicity in Kea could wikilink to the Animal lead poisoning article.
I appreciate that, note that I'm "puzzled" with your last suggestion on the geology section, could you please describe this in simpler terms? Alexeyevitch(talk)23:51, 25 May 2024 (UTC)[reply]
If I were to rewrite, it would be something like:
There are two main rock types in the Southern Alps: sedimentary sandstones and metamorphic schists. The sandstones are greywacke and argillite, mostly to the east of the Main Divide, whereas the schists are mostly to the west of the Main Divide.
Ref 10: Y, though the source does not mention Geraldine but instead just the "Arowhenua region".
Ref 13: Y, I assume this ref is mostly to establish the date
Ref 2: Y
Ref 35: Y, though this needs maintenance. For me the link did not resolve. A better option might be this.
Ref 116: Y
Ref 140: Y
Ref 24: Y
Ref 11: Y
Ref 155: Y
Ref 110: Y
Ref 22: Y
Ref 149: Y
Ref 171: Y
Ref 164: Y
Ref 40: Y
Ref 28: Y
Ref 12: Y
Overall the sources look good. There are some primary sources in there, but in most cases these are backed by a secondary citation.
Image check
This File:Mount Cook, New Zealand.jpg of Highway 80 in front Aoraki is a bit suspect to me. Commons says the source is some Facebook page (which does not load for me), but a tag says it was also imported from Flickr. I recommend either replacing this photo or verifying the copyright and updating the commons page with the results of the investigation.
Final comments
This article is in really good shape, thank you for your excellent work. My overall feedback points for future articles are:
Watch the length of sentences. In most cases a long sentence can be split into multiple to make it easier to read. I'm completely guilty of writing long sentences myself, so this is something I'm working on in my own writing.
Your use of reference templates is really excellent, above and beyond most editors. I recommend checking out the Template:sfn template as a possible replacement for the Template:rp template. Either is fine but I find rp clutters the inline citations a bit. With sfn you can have a Bibliography with your most important sources in a list, and then you just link to them with the sfn. Tiny bit tidier, but ultimately that is personal preference.
I'm very impressed with your process for improving these articles. Enlisting the support of other editors in a "pre-GA" phase is an extremely productive way to collaborate on improving an article.
If this GA review felt fast, that's because the article was in really good condition when I began. It's a credit to your embrace of collaboration when editing.
I'd also like to shout out Marshelec for contributing and mentoring the development of this page.
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
1a) the prose is clear, concise, and understandable to an appropriately broad audience; spelling and grammar are correct
Alexeyevitch(talk) 01:21, 26 May 2024 (UTC)
