Talk:Bela Talbot/GA1

Ophois is away from their computer right now, and they asked me to take care of their GANs while they are away. We've been working on the Supernatual GAs together, so I'm up to speed. I'll address your comment in the next couple of days. Thanks. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) (contribs) 04:44, 29 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

GA Review

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Nice job with this article. I admit I don't watch the show, I only took this review on to try to reduce the GAN backlog, but I found the article intriguing nevertheless. My suggestions are below, and I'm confident they won't take long to address and that this will be a GAN before we know it. Please address each one individually and I'll strike them as we go...

LEAD:

"Appearing in the third season in order to depict a character who uses knowledge of the supernatural world in ways other than the series' main protagonists, she makes her living by stealing occult objects and then selling them to wealthy clients, seeming to have little motivation beyond seeking to benefit herself and acting as a frequent thorn in the side of the Sam and Dean Winchester." This sentence is a little long, and the first part of it reads awkwardly to me. Can you break it into two sentences and reword it a bit?
Can you wikilink "third season" to Supernatural (season 3)?

PLOT:

"In her first appearance, "Bad Day at Black Rock", she hires two crooks to steal a cursed rabbit's foot, which she intends to sell, from deceased hunter John Winchester's container at a storage facility, showing no concern for the fate of the thieves who steal it for her, despite knowing that anyone who touches the foot will die." Again, this sentence is too long. I would suggest: "In her first appearance, "Bad Day at Black Rock", Bela Talbo hires two crooks to steal a cursed rabbit's foot from deceased hunter John Winchester's container at a storage facility. She intends to sell it and shows no concern for the fate of the thieves who steal it for her, although she knows anyone who touches the foot will die."
"... but manages to steal $46,000 in winning lottery tickets from Dean." Like I said, I don't watch this show, and if I did maybe this would make sense to me, but without prior knowledge it comes out of nowhere a bit for me. Can you perhaps add a tiny bit of context as to why exactly he had these lottery tickets? But you know the show, so if you feel it's not necessary, I won't hold you to this one...
"... causing the Winchesters to be arrested." In the next paragraph, the Winchesters seem to be suddenly free. Do you think there should be a brief mention about how they got free? I'm guessing how they got free had nothing to do with Bela, so it doesn't have to be a big mention, but maybe just a sentence?
"Now desperate, Bela tracks the Winchesters down and tries to kill them, but they were anticipating her and escaped ahead of time." Maybe I'm missing something, but why exactly is she "now desperate"? Based on the rest of this paragraph, I'm guessing she is supposed to die at the end of this ten-year deal? This isn't specifically stated in here, so if that's the case, could you add it?

DEVELOPMENT:

Can you wikilink Eric Kripke.

RECEPTION:

"...Kripke and executive producer Robert Singer wrote lackluster ones that were not intended to be used in the show." This is sort of interesting, that fans turned against the character early for this reason. Could you expand on this a bit? Maybe describe the fact that they only took about an hour (I think that's what the source said) to write them because they were really just trying to get a feel for the characters and didn't intend for others to see them, but that fans studied the scenes obsessively? Something like that, just to give a little more detail, and maybe toss some quotes in about that?

Thanks! I'll place the article on hold for now. Good luck and once again, good work! — Hunter Kahn _(contribs) 04:31, 29 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I think i've improved the stuff you mentioned. If there's anything else, fire away. - Peregrine Fisher (talk) (contribs) 20:22, 29 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

A good article is:

Well-written: Prose is good, MOS is good.
Factually accurate and verifiable: Sources are good, no original research.
Broad in its coverage: Covers main aspects, no unneeded detail.
Neutral: Yes.
Stable: Yes.
Illustrated, if possible, by images: Yes.

Pass. Nice work. — Hunter Kahn _(contribs) 02:36, 30 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]