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Talk:Bird migration/GA1

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GA Review

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Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Cwmhiraeth (talk · contribs) 10:38, 9 September 2014 (UTC)[reply]

First reading

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A few points:
  • Both the first two sentences in the lead are complex sentences which I consider have too many clauses before getting to the main verb.
reworded.
  • "... risks of the migration such as predation. Predation can be ..." - Better not to repeat the word "predation" in this way.
done.
  • Now that bird common names are no longer capitalised in Wikipedia, perhaps you should do likewise. I will note the examples I notice here: swallow, (eastwards!), red knot, dunlin, blue grouse, American goldfinch, Arctic tern, Arctic tern again, Manx shearwater, Bar-tailed Godwit, Griffon Vulture, Ruby-throated Hummingbird, Cedar Waxwing, Bar-tailed Godwit again, Osprey, Honey Buzzard, Canada Geese, Whooping Crane,
I think these have all been done now.
  • Bar-headed geese needs a capital!
done.
  • In the section "Long-distance migration" several birds have no scientific names whereas previously you have assiduously provided these.
done.
  • "... feeding sites is a barrier to may also be a barrier" - Muddled sentence.
fixed.
  • "...forage less on migration" - perhaps "during" for clarity.
done.
  • "...move further to the coast or to a more southerly region." - Perhaps "towards".
done.
  • Where did the red crossbill irruptions occur?
England stated.
  • "This is termed as protandry." Is the "as" necessary? Do you think this paragraph could be better expressed in layman's terms?
reworded.
  • "With experience they learn various landmarks ..." - The rest of this paragraph is talking about a bird in the singular.
changed to singular.
  • What has the sentence about "watchpoints" got to do with vagrancy?
reworded.
  • "- usually once a year but sometimes two -" - Maybe "twice"?
done.
  • "Considerable interest has been taken ..." - Into what?
reworded.
  • Why is "Emlen funnel" bolded?
removed. Chiswick Chap (talk) 13:44, 16 September 2014 (UTC)[reply]
I have now finished the first reading. Cwmhiraeth (talk) 09:02, 10 September 2014 (UTC)[reply]
@Cwmhiraeth: All comments actioned. Chiswick Chap (talk) 14:15, 16 September 2014 (UTC)[reply]

GA criteria

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  • The article is well written and complies with MOS guidelines on prose and grammar, structure and layout. The suggestions I made above have been implemented
  • The article uses many reliable third-party sources, and makes frequent citations to them. I do not believe it contains original research.
  • The article covers the main aspects of the subject and remains focussed.
  • The article is neutral.
  • The article is stable.
  • The images are relevant and have suitable captions, and are either in the public domain or properly licensed.
Thank you very much. Chiswick Chap (talk) 13:07, 18 September 2014 (UTC)[reply]