Jump to content

Talk:Birdsill Holly/GA1

Page contents not supported in other languages.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

GA Review

[edit]

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 14:39, 28 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

Will be reviewing for the GAN October 2020 Backlog Drive. MWright96 (talk) 16:36, 28 October 2020 (UTC)[reply]

  1. It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
  2. It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
  3. It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
  4. It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    Fair representation without bias:
  5. It is stable.
    No edit wars, etc.:
  6. It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
    a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
  7. Overall:
    Pass/Fail:

Lead

[edit]
  • Mention Holly was American for those who don't know


  • "He is known for inventing mechanical devices that improved city water systems and firefighting. He patented an improved fire hydrant that is similar to those used currently." - consider merging these two sentences together

Personal life

[edit]
  • "Birdsill Holly Jr. was born October 8, 1820" - born on October


  • "Holly was forced to drop out of school at the age of 10 when his father died prematurely;" - perhaps add more details on the circumstances surrounding his father's death


  • "Holly started an apprenticeship at a cabinetry shop before he apprenticed in a machine shop." - repetition of "shop"


  • "In a college thesis published in 1996 by Madelynn Frederickson ("The Life And Times Of Birdsill Holly")" - the parentheses are not needed and the title of the thesis can be italized


  • "Holly died on April 27, 1894 at 7 pm at the age of 74." - 7:00 pm

Career

[edit]
  • All the measurements such as feet, pounds should be placed in the convert template
  •  Done --~~


  • "Over 1,000 were made," - More than


  • "with the financial assistance of Washington Hunt and Thomas Flagler." - who were Hunt and Flagler?


  • "in over two thousand cities in the United States and Canada." - more than


  • "He patented a fire hydrant in 1869 used for fire protection." - fire hydrant used for fire protection in 1869.


  • "The pumps ran at various speeds according to usage. It was regulated by the pressure in the discharge main." - IMO these two sentences can be merged together


  • "Holly's district heating system used a large boiler at a central plant. This system provided steam to a group of town buildings in a surrounding city district through a circuit of insulated water pipes that distributed steam and returned it as water after being condensed." - these two sentences could be merged together


  • "He repeated the experiment with a 100-foot pipe to a neighbor's" - Think there is a few words missing from this sentence


  • "He was a friend of inventor Thomas Edison. Edison once asked Holly to become an assistant at his research laboratory in Menlo Park," - try not to start the beginning of the following sentence using the last of the preceding sentence


References

[edit]
  • Reference 4 "Birdsill Holly, Jr" should include the work


  • Reference 5 "Attempts to hide scandalous private life may have caused inventor's national obscurity" was from October 4, 1998 not 2020


  • Also the same Reference should not include The Buffalo News newspaper as the publisher


  • Reference 7 "Who Invented The Fire Hydrant? The Story of Birdsill Holly" is missing the work

Will put the review on hold to allow the nominator to address or query the points raised above. MWright96 (talk)