Talk:Brian Hill (swimmer)

Brian Hill (swimmer) has been listed as one of the Sports and recreation good articles under the good article criteria. If you can improve it further, please do so. If it no longer meets these criteria, you can reassess it.
Review: November 23, 2014. (Reviewed version).

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A fact from Brian Hill (swimmer) appeared on Wikipedia's Main Page in the Did you know column on 10 October 2014 (check views). The text of the entry was as follows:

Did you know... that the blind Canadian swimmer Brian Hill prepared for the 2008 Paralympics by swimming 120 km (75 mi) in two weeks?

A record of the entry may be seen at Wikipedia:Recent additions/2014/October. The nomination discussion and review may be seen at Template:Did you know nominations/Brian Hill (swimmer).

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GA Review

This review is transcluded from Talk:Brian Hill (swimmer)/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: NickGibson3900 (talk · contribs) 05:59, 10 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Will do soon. - NickGibson3900 ^Talk 05:59, 10 October 2014 (UTC) @TheQ Editor: See below - NickGibson3900 ^Talk 04:11, 18 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Review

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, no copyvios, spelling and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
No images
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Lead

Brian David Hill (born 29 December 1982) is a S13 Canadian para-swimmer who has competed in the 2000, 2004, 2008, 2012 Summer Paralympics and the 2007 Parapan American Games - Link 2004, 2008 & 2012 to the Paralympic pages (e.g 2012 Summer Paralympics); link Canadian

to Canada; link 2007 Parapan American Games to 2007 Pan American Games

- Done
He started swimming as a child and competitive swimming at the age of nine. He has won the Blind Sports Award and also the Athlete of the Year Award - link Athlete of the Year
- Done
Lead needs to mention medals. Per WP:LEAD, a subjects claim to notability should be mentioned in the lead
- Done
See point two in #Career
- Done
See point three in #Career
- Done

Personal life

Hill was born on 29 December 1982 in Duncan, British Columbia with a genetic retinal disorder which results in only ten percent vision. - ^{[citation needed]}
- FN 2 already cited that.
He now resides at Montreal, Quebec after the 2004 Summer Paralympics. - unlink 2004 Summer Paralympics as it will be linked in lead; sentence should be rephrased, maybe: Since the 2004 Summer Paralympics, he has resided in Montreal, Quebec.
- Done
During his childhood, Hill's parents dug a 17 metre pool for him to swim in. - ^{[citation needed]}
- Same thing as above
It was where he started competitive swimming at the age of nine.- ^[where?]
- Done

Career

At the age of 17, Hill participated in six events at the 2000 Sydney Summer Paralympics. - unlink 2000 Sydney Summer Paralympics; rephrase to 2000 Summer Paralympics in Sydney, Australia
- Done
Hill won five medals at the 2007 Parapan American Games including three golds and two silvers. - unlink 2007 Parapan American Games, link that in the lead
- Done
He won gold in 100 metre butterfly where he got a time of 1:00.52. He had tied the world record score with Canadian Para-swimmer Walter Wu. - in the lead you say para- not Para-, be consistent
- Done
Technically it was very good;" - why a ; not a .
- ? What do you mean?
Before going to Beijing for Hill's third Paralympic Games, his preparation involved swimming about 120 kilometres in two weeks. - swap Hill and his to make sentence flow
- Done
Hill said, "I completed about eight to nine workouts a week and spent around 18 to 20 hours per week in the pool" - needs punctuation after pool
- Done
At the 2008 Summer Paralympics - unlink 2008 Summer Paralympics
- Done
At the 2012 Summer Paralympics - unlink 2012 Summer Paralympics; three paragraphs in a row starting with "At the ...", change it up
- Done

References

FN4: Needs to have the correct title, "Canadian swimmer Brian Hill ready for fourth Paralympic Games" not "Swimming Canada"
- Done

Round two

"Technically it was very good;" - why a ; not a ." - What I meant was after good you have a colon (;) and it should be a full stop (.) as it the end of the sentence
Per MOS:NUMBERS 1-9th should be first, eighth, seventh etc.
"At the 2006 Commonwealth Games in Melbourne" - Link Melbourne
In the lead 2 and 3 should be spelt out (two, three)
"He had won five gold, 2 silver and 3 bronze in his international career" - five gold medals, two silver medals and three bronze medals"
In refs you over link IPC. IPC should only be linked for the first IPC ref,

@NickGibson3900: All done! ΤheQ Editor ^Talk? 21:25, 31 October 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Sorry

I'm sorry TheQ Editor but I don't have time to continue this review. A new reviewer will work on this as I have asked here. Once again sorry and I hope to see this pass. - NG39 (Used to be NickGibson3900)^Talk 05:05, 14 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]

I took a quick read through it since Nick isn't available now and didn't see any issues, so I'll go ahead and pass it. Wizardman 04:50, 23 November 2014 (UTC)[reply]