Talk:Camak House/GA1
GA Review[edit]
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Reviewer: Malleus Fatuorum 20:51, 4 June 2011 (UTC)
- Lead
- Is it "The Camak House" or "Camak House"? The article needs to be consistent.
- "... including an attached kitchen and closets". Are we being coy here? What's a closet?
- No coyness intended. Closet is a very common term (well, the term) used here for something generally smaller than a room where one stores items such as clothing. Is this a British/American English issue? LadyofShalott 21:08, 4 June 2011 (UTC)
- It might be. But it was the conjunction of "attached kitchens" and "closets", which made it it seem like the closets were also attached, which in turn made me wonder if "closet" was a euphemism for privvy. Malleus Fatuorum 21:17, 4 June 2011 (UTC)
- No coyness intended. Closet is a very common term (well, the term) used here for something generally smaller than a room where one stores items such as clothing. Is this a British/American English issue? LadyofShalott 21:08, 4 June 2011 (UTC)
- "Its restoration for use as law offices has been characterized by Elizabeth Dalton of the Athens-Clarke Heritage Foundation as "an excellent example of adaptive use". I'm not fond of just repeating the same thing twice in the article, rather than summarising in the lead.
- The lead needs to be expanded to better summarise the article. A good rule of thumb is to extract the key points from each section, but I see nothing about the house's interior for instance, or that it's now on the National Register of Historic Places.
- "Both floors have four rooms ..." The photograph seems to suggest that the building had three floors, whereas "both" implies two.
- Architecture and earlier history
- Earlier history than what? Why not "Architecture and early history"?
- "Built atop a hill, Camak House was the first house built in the Prince Avenue area, its acreage originally fronting on Prince; Meigs Street was a later incursion into the land." I'm not really following that, and the punctuation isn't helping. How does an acreage "front" anywhere? What does "fronting on Prince" mean? What land did Meigs Street make an incursion into? And what does "incursion" mean in this context?
- "Interior and exterior details have been praised." By whom?
- "The Camak House served as the location for a meeting to charter ...". It didn't serve as the location, it was the location. And why The Camak House?
- "The basement originally contained slave quarters and the kitchen". How do we reconcile this with the statement in the lead, that the kitchen was "attached"?
- "Finer details include silver-plated doorknobs". Finer details than what?
- "Five generations of Camaks remained in the house until 1947." It must surely have been rather smelly by then, with all those dead bodies around.
- "In 1949, it was purchased to serve as the Mount Vernon Lodge No. 22, F. & A. M (Masonic lodge); thence in 1979 by the Athens Coca-Cola Bottling Company." "Thence" isn't the right word.
- "Camak House was the location for a meeting to charter what became "the first successful railroad company in Georgia and only the third such company in the United States". What does "charter" mean here? To grant a charter? Who was doing the granting?
- Restoration and current use
- "... he planned to renovate to Camak House for administrative offices".
- "A 1993 partnership between the Georgia Trust for Historic Preservation and the law firm of Winburn, Lewis and Barrow rescued the Camak House from Coca-Cola Enterprises". If that's not trying to make a point then I don't know what is, needs to be toned down. And once again, why "the Camak House"?
- "Camak House is currently owned by the law firm of Lewis, Frierson and Grayson, LLP." When is "currently"? As of 2011?
- "The house's restoration for use as law offices has been characterized by Elizabeth Dalton of the Athens-Clarke Heritage Foundation ..". "Characterized isn't the right word; "described"?
- "... when the Georgia Trust for Historic Preservation and the law firm of Winburn, Lewis and Barrow formed a partnership for the purchase of Camak House from Coca-Cola Enterprises (the post-merger successor in ownership)". Rather awkward. Why not "to purchase"?
- "The trust purchased the property, added protective covenants, and resold it to the law firm ...". It couldn't have resold it as it had never sold it before.
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.