Talk:Collateral (film)/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Lizzy150 (talk · contribs) 17:37, 10 September 2020 (UTC)

Hey, I'll be reviewing this article for you! To make things easier, I'm going to call out the main things I've spotted, and will help by doing some small copyedits afterwards. Hope this is okay; comments so far:

Lead

• "pitched it to director Frank Darabont. The film was pitched" - in the second instance of 'pitched', could we use another word?
• "were in the mix to direct" - perhaps "were each considered as directors"
• "Foxx received a nomination for the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor; while film editors Jim Miller and Paul Rubell were nominated for the Academy Award for Best Film Editing." - simplify by removing the text highlighted in bold

 Done all. Rusted AutoParts 06:37, 15 September 2020 (UTC)

Production

• The first two paragraphs here are quite big - could we split them?

Each paragraph details a given trend of information. First paragraph is the film getting pitched. Second is the more active development stage where actors and the eventual director came into play. I feel it would lead to a few too many paragraphs or one off sentences about relatively the same type of information. Rusted AutoParts 06:51, 15 September 2020 (UTC)

• Could the "Casting" be in its own section?

I changed it into "pre-production", as alot of the casting information coincides with director information. Rusted AutoParts 06:51, 15 September 2020 (UTC)

• "witnesses a hit" - "witnesses a murder"?

I wikilinked hit. Rusted AutoParts 06:51, 15 September 2020 (UTC)

• "when he ran into friend Julie Richardson" - sounds a bit informal here, perhaps "when he came in to contact with Julie Richarson"?

 Done Rusted AutoParts 06:51, 15 September 2020 (UTC)

• "were each at points attached to the project" - perhaps "were attached to the project at one point"

 Done Rusted AutoParts 06:51, 15 September 2020 (UTC)

• "One event of note was the filming of the coyotes" - what does that mean? Secondly is there a source for this, and for the sentence before it?

Fixed. Rusted AutoParts 06:51, 15 September 2020 (UTC)

Music

• "50% of the score" - perhaps "half of the music"
• "The soundtrack also features the song "Iguazú" written by Gustavo Santaolalla." - source needed

 Done all. Rusted AutoParts 06:56, 15 September 2020 (UTC)

Reception

• Could we have the 'Box office' section first?

 Done Rusted AutoParts 06:56, 15 September 2020 (UTC)

• Could we include a 'Home media' section, if this was released on DVD?

Finding specific sources indicating home release dates has been tricky. Alot of them are just directing people towards where it can be bought and I don't believe those types of sources are usable here. I found a review of the DVD but no date of release was specified. Rusted AutoParts 06:56, 15 September 2020 (UTC)

Box office

• "ranking #1" - "ranking number one"
• " it grossed a total of $116,758,588 for a total worldwide gross of $217,764,291." - could simplify by removing parts in highlighted in bold. Thanks, L150 17:37, 10 September 2020 (UTC)

 Done all. Rusted AutoParts 06:38, 15 September 2020 (UTC)

@Lizzy150: All points have been addressed. Rusted AutoParts 06:57, 15 September 2020 (UTC)

Thanks for your replies and fixes. I just checked the sources, and this is all ok. I made some minor copyedits but let me know if you object to any of them. All in all, this looks good! Swiftly passing now. L150 17:49, 15 September 2020 (UTC)