Talk:Danganronpa 2: Goodbye Despair/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Haleth (talk · contribs) 04:52, 12 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Taking down notes on areas of improvement in the mean time, so watch this space. Haleth (talk) 04:52, 12 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]

I think I have been quite thorough in my assessment. Mostly just need to better organize information, work on improving some prose, and better clarity for the reader when quoting/referencing the developers about aspects of the game. Take as much time as you need, I am happy to wait. Haleth (talk) 01:36, 14 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]

GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose, spelling, and grammar): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR): d (copyvio and plagiarism):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars, etc.:
It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Lead

Development of the game started when Kazutaka Kodaka was writing the light novel prequel Danganronpa Zero and added hints about a sequel to the novel. - My impression, from reading the sources, is that Kodaka decided to add hints about a sequel, which up to that point Spike Chunsoft had no planned, before he finished writing the novel. Am I correct? If so, maybe the sentence could be rephrased, it doesn't quite flow well for me.

Gameplay

I noticed that the entirety of the Gameplay section is exclusively cited to the developer's website, a primary source. Could you cite a secondary source, from any of the reviews under reception section which does discuss the gameplay comprehensively, to broadly support each relevant paragraph about gameplay?

Series' previous game: please whitelink it.
- Done
styles of gameplay: The word "styles" gives me more of an impression of different movesets which can be changed or swapped within a level. I think "mode" would be more apt, but how do most of the English secondary sources describe the gameplay?
- Done
Conversing with characters during "Free Time" sections earns Hope Fragments Can be phrased better, in my opinion. What benefits, in brief terms, do "Hope Fragments" provide the player? Is it functionally the same as the description of the Hope Fragments in the last paragraph, "allowing players to bond more easily with characters than in the main story mode"?
- Done
Interacting increases the players' levels, allowing them to gain more skills during trials Could you provide a brief but better explanation in the prose on what do you mean by interacting? Interacting with what or who?
- Done
Could you briefly explain what monocoins are first, then followed by the explanation on how they can be located in a level?
- Done
Some items can trigger special events Can you clarify the prose? Are these the same items as the evidence from crime scene in the following sentence?
- Done
Hangman Gambit is suddenly mentioned without any context. Could you briefly explain it and Life Cycle as components of Class Trials, like how you explained Daily Life and Deadly Life within the context of School Life earlier in the paragraph?
- Done
The previous game's Bullet Time Battle is known as Panic Talk Action and mostly has the same mechanics Should be rephrased, maybe just say "Bullet Time Battle" is brought back/returns with similar gameplay mechanic, though it is renamed etc etc".
- Done

"several modes" - "several minigames"
- Done

Players have a virtual pet - is this an optional or compulsory minigame? Anyway, maybe just say, players may adopt a virtual pet.
- Done

Brief explanation of who Monomi is in gameplay since she is mentioned before the reader reaches "plot" section
- Done

Development

initially relucant - initially reluctant to develop any further entries for the Danganronpa brand, or initially relucant to write the Danganronpa Zero novel?
- Revised
considers -> "conceded"? Tone comes across as more of an admission.
- Revised
He wrote elements of which he was doubtful from the first game into the novel and added more foreshadows of Goodbye Despair - might need a rewrite. I am not sure what the sentence is trying to tell me as the reader.
more important -> relevant to
While preferring the first Danganronpa title over the second one -> While "he personally prefers"?
The way the Twitter source is presented, feels like an inappropriate WP:SYNTH to me. All the author did on that tweet was interspersing the kanji words for Hajime Hinata and Izuru Kamukura together, which is cool, but I don't feel there's any context provided for the reader from his tweet as he did not provide any proper commentary. To properly support the sentence, maybe an in-line citation with a quote from Danganronpa Zero, or better yet, a secondary source which explicitly calls out the foreshadowing in Danganronpa Zero would be better?
bring "up" -> omit up
Islands from the first game -> Is that the setting used in Island Mode, or a different one? Is that how the developers explain the purpose of the post-game Island Mode = more content?
Kodaka said characters like Nagito, Byakuya and Gundham were created to confuse returning players confusion but he still feels he made the cast more human as the story progresses. -> Needs a rewrite. How do these characters confuse returning players? What is the purpose behind confusing players? To add more intrigue to the story, or for the developers' own satisfaction?
Maybe first combine all relevant behind-the-scenes info for Hajime and group them together in a few sentences, before we start talking about his rival and love interest?
To surprise gamers and suggest the characters may be the same person -> Maybe combine this tidbit about the voice actress with the "to confuse gamers" part as recounted by Kodaka?
Nagito background info is also in another paragraph. Maybe combine it with the "absolute rival" part? Does absolute rival need to be marked in parenthesis? I see the original source is in Spanish, so the statement is not technically a direct quote?
- Done
he may be -> I thought Junko is a female. Is it referring to Monokuma/another male villain, or a typo?
Fixed

Release

Voice actor info, even if it is for the English localization, appears under "Release" paragraph. I believe it should all be grouped under "Development" along with info about the Japanese VA.
"A limited edition will be released via NIS America's online store, including an art book, soundtrack CD, stickers, Monokuma medals, and a pair of sunglasses". -> The sentence reads as if we are still in 2014. Do we know whether it was ever released by NIS America eventually? Any sources?
Merged

Reception

Reception section initially names both the author and the source that published their articles, but by the time the prose reaches the likes of Polygon and GameRevolution, the authors' names are dropped entirely. I think it should be consistent.
Game Revolution commented. -> I suggest another word which emphasizes their divergent opinion from Polygon about accessibility for franchise newcomers?
- Done
Touch Arcade liked the characters Ibuki Moda and Nagito Komaeda but still enjoyed other characters. -> I feel the sentence lack impact. Is that supposed to mean Touch Arcade named those two as their favorites, but enjoyed the others nonetheless?
- Done
their originality. -> originality of their characterization, or visual design, or both?
Revised
Giant Bomb praised the way the class trials become progressively more challenging but criticized early trials and those of the first game. -> Maybe swap it around, criticism and then praise? I thought the tone of the paragraph is meant to convey a somewhat less positive tone in contrast to the first paragraph.
- Revised
Japanese game specialist. -> I don't believe Hardcore Gamer actually markets themselves as such
- Revised
I am not sure why further comments by GameSpot and GameRevolution about class trials are moved into the third paragraph even though the second paragraph appears to be entirely focused on that aspect.
Third paragraph may need a better focus, perhaps a rewrite, since the first paragraph appears to be about the writing/characters, and the second is dwelling exclusively on class trial gameplay. None of the commentary under reception seems to have any critique specifically about Daily Life/Dead Life, which are only mentioned once in gameplay but is noted as a major component of the game.
- Done. Rearranged such sections
I think Game Informer's comments about the game's writing should've been in the first paragraph to keep it consistent.
- Done

Other media and appearances

No in-line citations for the sentences preceding the one about Dark Horse.

Added.

The game has also received 4Koma Kings and Comic Anthology compilations by various artists. -> Is the sentence trying to say, the game itself has been included in xxx and xxx compilations, or adapted into some other media which are included in xxx and xxx compilations?

Revised

add "titled" before "The End of Hope's Peak High School".

Done

@Haleth: I tried revising everything. I'll see if I missed anything tomorrow considering I work way early in the morning. Thanks for the review.Tintor2 (talk) 02:07, 14 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]

No worries. Take your time. Haleth (talk) 05:47, 14 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]

@Haleth: Did more revisions. There is a huge Siliconera article centered around this game so I used it as extra source for the gameplay, I added the two voice actors for Nagito in development and revised other sentences you pointed out. I referenced the other media and rearranged reception. If there are still certain issues that need to be covered could you point them out? Cheers.Tintor2 (talk) 18:19, 14 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Round 2

Ok, I noticed that it has received some copy edits from another reviewer in addition to your edits. I'll start back from the top. Haleth (talk) 00:50, 17 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]

a mentor from the main characters. -> a mentor of the main characters

Gameplay

There are also several mini-games. -> I think this sentence lacks context. It could be expanded to briefly explain that these mini-games are side stuff which are not part of the main gameplay modes described in the earlier paragraphs.

Development

Since release is now merged into development, I suggest changing the heading to "Development and release". I've seen this practice at many other GA articles.
- Done
Kodaka compared the theory of whether or not she is dead or alive to Western villains like the Joker who are continuously resurrected. -> I checked the source and it does not actually say that villains who are continuously resurrected like the Joker is specifically a "Western" thing. PS: X-Men's Magneto is also mentioned in the same sentence. If a point is to be made about the sentence, it should be that the examples which were brought up are notable/renowned villain characters in pop culture.
- Revised

Reception

I'm fine with individual reviewers not being named, though I noticed that gendered pronouns are sometimes used to refer to the authors published by a source have been used in some of the commentary. In that case I think, it might be appropriate or helpful if the reviewer is mentioned by name, or pronouns not used if we are referring to the publication broadly. Although, I like how this is presented: Due to the multiple minigames of the class trials, Game Revolution's reviewer wished the game focused more on its visual novel style, which he felt is the part of the game that stood out the most
- Revised
Hardcore Gamer is still referred to as a "Japanese game specialist".
- Done
GameSpot also praised the handling of the plot and cast. GameSpot should be in italics.
- Done
Video Gamer praised the returning villain Monokuma and said the cast provide enjoyment despite having mixed thoughts about their originality due most being stereotypes previously seen in other games -> add "to" after due.
- Done
While originally viewing the cast as archetypes, GameInformer noted the writing is good for handling each character's mind. -> suggest good writing which flesh out the characters' thoughts, or something along these lines.
- Done
Hardcore Gamer had mixed feelings in regards to the cast, viewing some as likable and others as annoying despite making the narrative more engaging. -> despite the more engaging narrative.
- Done
Similarly, Polygon found few bonding in the game notable due to some being less likable than the original Danganronpa and the rest dying across the title. -> few character bondings, "worthwhile" should replace "notable" as I believe that is the sentiment the reviewer was aiming for.
- Done.

@Haleth: Finished the revisions. Also thanks to Horsesizedduck for the copyedit.Tintor2 (talk) 11:52, 17 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]

I've addressed the few remaining grammatical errors and typos you've overlooked as they were fairly minor. Passing the review. Haleth (talk) 14:50, 17 June 2021 (UTC)[reply]