Talk:Days in the Sun/GA1

GA Review[edit]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Cartoon network freak (talk · contribs) 21:40, 12 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Review arriving in the next days. Best, Cartoon network freak (talk) 21:40, 12 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you! Aoba47 (talk) 22:33, 12 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Lead[edit]

had developed the concept for the song in 2007 → avoid repeating yourself with "song"

Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:10, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

during the first discussions of a live-action adaptation → during early discussions regarding a live-action adaptation

Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:10, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

"Days in the Sun" was made available → avoid repeating yourself with "Days in the Sun"

Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:10, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

link "made available" to Music download

Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:10, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

was made available the Blu-ray release → "on" before "the"

Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:10, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

It had been changed after the test audience → change "the" to "a"; you haven't mentioned the test audience yet, so starting with "the" is kind of abrupt

Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:10, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Critical response → link "critical" to Music journalism

Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:10, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

some commentators praised its content and others questioned → it would be better to use ",while" instead of "and" here, as it is a contrast

Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:10, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Infobox[edit]

You can state only "Menken" in his appearance as a producer

Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:10, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Background and release[edit]

when they first began discussions on a possible → during early discussions regarding a possible

Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:15, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

described it as a lullaby → use "the song" here to avoid repeating yourself

Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:15, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

creative process, Menken said that he prefer to conduct collaborations in-person. He explained: "I prefer to write face to face in the room, → creative process, Menken said that he prefers to conduct collaborations in-person: "I prefer...

Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:15, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Alan Menken and Tim Rice had written the music and lyrics. → The writing and production process were both handled by Menken and Rice.

Revised somewhat, as only Menken was a producer. Aoba47 (talk) 22:15, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

live-action adaptation Beauty and the Beast; the other three tracks were → live-action adaptation Beauty and the Beast, along with

Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:15, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Context and composition[edit]

would sing for him. He explained that the → would sing for him, while further explaining that the (very short sentences don't flow!)

Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:19, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

lives as humans.[12] The servants feel → lives as humans,[12] with them feeling (very short sentences don't flow!)

Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:19, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Emma Watson's solo contains → only last name

Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:19, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Bob Strauss called the track as "a melancholy → "as" is not needed here

Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:19, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

as the test audience → same as in lead

Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:19, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

required someone who could sing the part. → required someone to sing the part

Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:19, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Critical reception[edit]

Link "Critical" to Music journalism

Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:22, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Crystal Bell cited it as → Bell from MTV cited it as

Bell had already been identified in a previous section as writing for MTV so it would not necessary to repeat. I also think that it is necessary to repeat her full name to avoid potential confusion (i.e. readers will know who "Watson" is referring to, but "Bell" by itself may lead to unnecessary confusion). Aoba47 (talk) 22:22, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Bell described it as Emma Watson's → only last name

Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:22, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Audra McDonald → only last name

Revised. Aoba47 (talk) 22:22, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Other stuff[edit]

Copy-violation[edit]

28.6% is acceptable!

Thank you! Aoba47 (talk) 22:22, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

References[edit]

As far as I checked them, the references do cover the assertations made in this article

Thank you! Aoba47 (talk) 22:22, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

Outcome[edit]

On hold for 7 days. You really did a great job with the article. Reading one of your Disney songs GANs is always interesting. Best regards and good luck with editing, Cartoon network freak (talk) 21:34, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

@Cartoon network freak: Thank you for your kind words as always! I believe that I have addressed all of your points and I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day. Aoba47 (talk) 22:22, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

- Glad to pass this! Best regards, Cartoon network freak (talk) 22:25, 14 November 2017 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.