Talk:Development of The Last of Us/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: ProtoDrake (talk · contribs) 18:53, 5 August 2015 (UTC)

I'll do this one. Be back in a few days with anything I find. If I don't come back in four days, drop reminder. --ProtoDrake (talk) 18:53, 5 August 2015 (UTC)

Review

Upon reading through it, all references and images all check out. It's just points about grammar that stood out.

• "Druckmann and Straley have also cited Amy Hennig as an inspiration for the game's story; Hennig worked as head writer and creative director on the Uncharted series (2007–present)." - How was she an inspiration? Did she contribute to the scenario, was it her previous work, was it her personality, or what? The point is not made very clear. Elucidate if possible.
• "...and fellow community strategist Arne Meyer said that the game's violence fits the narrative." - This is more explaining than anything, but why do you use the present tense here rather than past tense?
• "The developers assured that this change was kept secretive prior to the game's release, to surprise players; they did the same with Ellie's immunity, as well as with the game's prologue, where players assume control of Joel's daughter Sarah." - The piece at the beginning where it's said "The developers assured". It seems a little odd in context with the rest of the sentence. I might have said "ensured", but I think this is more a matter of preference. If you feel confident in its usage, there's no need to change it.
• "However, the team found it difficult to believe that Tess would dispute with Joel and pursue him for a year; this was solved by majorly altering the story." - The "majorly altering" bit grated slightly, but this change is again optional if you're confident in it.
• "Bill's role in the game was also to voice Joel's concerns about escorting Ellie, as Joel doesn't voice them." - In previous GAs I've needed to work on during a review by someone, contractions were not something tolerated outside direct quotes from developers. Since this isn't a quote, I suggest that it's altered to "does not".
• "To create the sound of the Clickers, the third stage of the Infected, the team found inspiration from a report on a journalism show about children using clicking noises to communicate." - Anything more specific, or just children extant?
• "In December 2011, prior to the announcement of the game, an Easter egg was found in Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception referencing the concept of The Last of Us; Naughty Dog retroactively stated that the reference was intended to be seen after the game's reveal in June 2011, but when the timing of the reveal itself was pushed forward, the team forgot to remove the reference." - This is optional, but maybe a brief description of what the Easter Egg was might be appropriate. If not, you can leave as is.
• "The game's cover art was unveiled on December 9, 2012, featuring Ellie and Joel;[74] the team fought to feature Ellie on the cover, despite external influences encouraging otherwise. "I've been in discussions where we've been asked to push Ellie to the back and everyone at Naughty Dog just flat-out refused," said Druckmann.[25]" - As I remember the story, the pressure was to put Ellie in the background of the cover. However, the quote begins with the impression that the 'external influences' wished Ellie removed entirely, then later say that she was to be pushed into the background. I feel this point needs elucidation if possible.
• "The "Joel Edition" and "Ellie Edition" contain similar contents, but contain some features that are often differentiated by the characters." - Too many 'cont' words in that sentence.

That's all that stood out. Otherwise it's a beautifully written article. Once these points have been cleared up, it will be good to go. Putting on hold for now. --ProtoDrake (talk) 14:30, 7 August 2015 (UTC)

Thanks for the review, ProtoDrake! I went through and fixed all of your concerns. Please don't hesitate to let me know if there's any remaining problems. – Rhain1999 ^{(talk to me)} 01:14, 8 August 2015 (UTC)

You've addressed everything admirably. This article is now good to go . --ProtoDrake (talk) 06:46, 8 August 2015 (UTC)