Talk:Dongan Charter/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Malleus Fatuorum 15:36, 2 November 2010 (UTC)

Lead

• "The charter is the oldest existing city charter in the United States and possibly in all the Western Hemisphere." That's not at all what the source says. Charters have been granted in England since medieval times, and even in the US this isn't the oldest existing charter. What the source says is that this is the oldest city charter still in force in the US, and "arguably the longest-running instrument of municipal government in the Western Hemisphere", which is broader than just speaking about charters.
  •  Done --Gyrobo (talk) 17:21, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

• The single paragraph lead is really too short to adequately summarise the article. About half of the article is about the commerative coin, which probably overbalances an article nominally about the charter, but that doesn't get even a single mention in the lead.

• "... Governor Dongan issued a similarly-worded charter for the city of New York". There's no hyphen after an adverb, should be "similarly worded".
  •  Done --Gyrobo (talk) 17:21, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

• "... though the charter for Albany tended to be more detailed". Why the past tense? Is it no longer more detailed?
  •  Done --Gyrobo (talk) 17:21, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

Provisions

• "The charter turned the village of Albany into a city under the name of The Mayor, Aldermen, and Commonalty of the city of Albany". Why is the city's name in italics? no other city names are italicised.
  •  Done --Gyrobo (talk) 17:21, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

• " ... this legally separated it from Rensselaerswyck". Need to explain what Rensselaerswyck is without forcing the reader to follow a link; is it an adjoining village?
  •  Done --Gyrobo (talk) 17:21, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

• "Certain special rights were put into the charter as well, such as– the exclusive right to negotiate with the Native Americans ...". Strange punctuation in "such as– the exclusive right ...".
  •  Done --Gyrobo (talk) 17:21, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

• "... the establishment of Albany as the sole market town in the upper Hudson region, and permission to acquire tracts of land at Tionnderoge (Fort Hunter) and Schaghticoke." This is really too close to what the source says: "Albany was to be the sole market town in the upper Hudson region, and the city fathers were to acquire tracts of land at Tionnderoge (today Fort Hunter) and Schaghticoke".
  •  Done --Gyrobo (talk) 17:21, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

• "Through the Dongan Charter Albany enjoyed the sole right to negotiate with the native peoples of Upstate New York". Just said that, two paragraphs above.
  •  Done --Gyrobo (talk) 17:21, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

History

• Seems strange not to have this as the first section, before Provisions.
  •  Done --Gyrobo (talk) 17:21, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

• "... forfeited a strip of land 1 mile wide and sixteen miles long to Albany". Should be consistently either "one, sixteen", or "1, 16".
  •  Done --Gyrobo (talk) 17:21, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

• "In July a delegation led by Pieter Schuyler and Robert Livingston traveled to New York to receive the charter for Albany". The cited source makes no mention of a trip to New York; it says simply that " the Albany charter was the result of the agency of and negotiations conducted with royal officials by Robert Livingston and Pieter Schuyler".
  •  Done --Gyrobo (talk) 17:21, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

• "... the revealing of a tricentennial clock at the corner of Eagle and State streets". What does that mean? There are two streets called Eagle and State?
  •  Done --Gyrobo (talk) 17:21, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

• "... the visiting dignitaries that were invited". Should be "who were invited".
  •  Done --Gyrobo (talk) 17:21, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

Amendments

• "The Dongan Charter was first amended in 1787, and continued with only minor changes until 1870, and saw major changes by the state legislature in 1870 and 1883." What were these amendments, particularly the 1787 amendment, which isn't flagged as being minor like the others until 1870? The sentence also needs to be rewritten to avoid the clumsy "and, ... and".
  •  Done --Gyrobo (talk) 17:41, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

• "In 1998 the people of Albany adopted a revised charter that completely rewrote the Dongan Charter while technically keeping the charter in existence in theory by being an amendment." This seems to be saying the same thing in two different ways: "technically" and "in theory". Is it just a theory, and not a fact that the charter remained in existence after 1998? Also, the charter didn't rewrite itself.
  •  Done --Gyrobo (talk) 17:41, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

Commemorative coin

• The second paragraph needs to be cited.
  •  Done --Gyrobo (talk) 17:51, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

• "... this led to few of the coins ever being sold". If 7,342 were returned surely that means that over 17,000 of the 25,000 minted were sold, which is hardly a few.
  •  Done --Gyrobo (talk) 17:51, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

• "Today the coins can fetch $330 for a nearly-uncirculated coin". No hyphen after an adverb. When is "today"? The cited source is dated 2009, not today.
  •  Done --Gyrobo (talk) 17:51, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

• "Original packaging, which is more rare, included a four page booklet". Should be "four-page booklet".
  •  Done --Gyrobo (talk) 17:51, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

• "The booklet came in an envelope, both of which are highly collectible today". "Both of which" here is referring back to the envelope; this sentence needs to be rewritten to make it clear that it's the envelope and the booklet that are highly collectible in a grammatically correct way.
  •  Done --Gyrobo (talk) 17:51, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

• "Even scarcer today are boxes designed to hold single coins and inscribed with The National Commercial Bank and Trust Company of Albany." Why is the name of the company in italics?
  •  Done --Gyrobo (talk) 17:51, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

References

• Is the publication date of 1896 given for Proceedings of the Third National Conference for Good City Government and of the Second Annual Meeting of the National Municipal League correct? The link provided suggests that it was published in 1897.
  • The Google Books scan says it was published May 6, 7 and 8, 1896 by the Selmeiner Printing Company. --Gyrobo (talk) 17:54, 5 November 2010 (UTC)

Concerns

• Some of the city names in the article ("The Mayor, Aldermen, and Commonalty of the city of Albany" in particular) are very cumbersome and can easily be confused with prose if not italicized or placed in quotes.
  --Gyrobo (talk) 02:46, 6 November 2010 (UTC)
  • It certainly is an exceedingly cumbersome city name, so there is perhaps some justification for the quotes on that basis. Thanks for your work on this; I'll try and look through the article again tomorrow, and hopefully we can close this. Malleus Fatuorum 02:54, 6 November 2010 (UTC)
    • I don't think we need quotes on the text in the Commemorative coin section, though, because it's all in upper case.
      --Gyrobo (talk) 03:40, 6 November 2010 (UTC)
      • Actually, per WP:ALLCAPS, they really shouldn't be capitalized like that. upstateNYer 23:10, 6 November 2010 (UTC)
        •  Done --Gyrobo (talk) 04:01, 7 November 2010 (UTC)

---

This article has now been listed as a GA. Malleus Fatuorum 17:48, 8 November 2010 (UTC)

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.