Talk:Doreen Valiente/GA1

GA Review

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Reviewer: Sainsf (talk · contribs) 06:01, 28 April 2016 (UTC)

Hi! Will post my comments over the next few days. Sainsf <^>_{Feel at home} 06:01, 28 April 2016 (UTC)

Many thanks, Sainsf! Midnightblueowl (talk) 10:33, 28 April 2016 (UTC)

Fairly well-written and comprehensive. My comments:

Lead

• (4 January 1922 – 1 September 1999) I think unspaced endash is used in such cases.

• Changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 20:17, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

• Subsequently becoming the High Priestess of Gardner's Bricket Wood coven when?

• The sources that I looked at do not provide a specific date, but reveal that it was fairly soon after her initiation; whether that means 1953, 1954, or even 1955 isn't clear though. I've changed "subsequently" to "soon" in the article lede. Midnightblueowl (talk) 20:17, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

• although later broke from this group I think there should be "she" before "later".

• Done. Midnightblueowl (talk) 20:17, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

• I think we should add a few words on how she passed away.

• Added. Midnightblueowl (talk) 20:17, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

• magical partner The meaning may not been clear at once, though I can't suggest any alternative at the moment.

• Hmm, you raise a good point. I might just remove "magical partner" at this juncture and replace it with "friend"; do you think that that works? Midnightblueowl (talk) 20:17, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

• Sure, if the meaning remains the same. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 01:43, 3 May 2016 (UTC)

• The meaning is slightly different, but Belham-Payne was both her friend and magical partner. Midnightblueowl (talk) 11:44, 3 May 2016 (UTC)

Early life 1922–52

• Colliers Wood is linked twice

• Sorted. Midnightblueowl (talk) 20:57, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

• although Doreen was never baptised "although" should be replaced by "however", I think.

• Changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 20:57, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

• left at the age of 15 Better say she left "it", it may suddenly appear she left home.

• Changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 20:57, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

• message decryption May be good to have a link here.

• I've linked it to cryptography. Midnightblueowl (talk) 20:57, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

• known only as "Zerki" "only"? It may strike as odd unless we know the reason of its use.

• I've removed "known only as". Midnightblueowl (talk) 20:57, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

• she selected "Ameth" as her magical name What exactly is a "magical name"?

• I've added a link to Craft name. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:05, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

• Link esoteric.

• Done! Midnightblueowl (talk) 20:57, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

Gerald Gardner and the Bricket Wood Coven 1952–57

• in 1952 Valiente wrote a letter to Williamson "Valiente wrote a letter to Williamson in 1952" would look better.

• Changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:53, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

• Middle Ages may be linked

• Done. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:53, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

• Gardner invited Doreen again You refer to her as Valiente elsewhere.

• Good point; changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:53, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

• of which they would not have approved Just to ensure it does not look like OR, can we say "... of which, she feared, they..." ?

  Changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:53, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

• Isle of Man is a duplink

• Removed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:53, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

Robert Cochrane and Where Witchcraft Lives 1957–69

• while she also have a speech Error?

• Changed to "gave a speech". Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:39, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

• Who is Doyle White?

  He is already mentioned and his position described at the end of the "Gerald Gardner and the Bricket Wood Coven: 1952–57" section. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:43, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

• Sorry, missed it. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 01:43, 3 May 2016 (UTC)

• L'Estrange Ewen is a redlink, can you give an idea of who the person was?

• He was a historian of witchcraft, I shall make that clear in the prose. 21:39, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

• it was never published Maybe add "however"? Any idea why it was not published?

• I've added the "however" and added a brief explanation of why it wasn't published. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:39, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

• suicide at Midsummer 1966 I think it should be "on" not "at".

• Changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:39, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

• Duplinks: Midsummer, Sussex, Margaret Murray

• Removed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:43, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

The Pagan Front, National Front, and further publications 1970–84

• Wiccan high priestess Sally Griffyn Should it be "High Priestess" as earlier?

• Changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:39, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

• Valiente biographer Perhaps "Valiente's" would sound more proper.

• Changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:39, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

Autobiography and final years 1985–1999

• Duplinks: Pagan Federation, Alex Sanders, Ronald Hutton

• Sorted. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:14, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

• It would be published by Hale Anything more on Hale? Where is it based? May be relevant here.

• Hale is already discussed in the section on "The Pagan Front, National Front, and further publications: 1970–84" so I'm not sure that it is necessary to go into further depth here. However I'm happy to discuss this in greater depth if you like. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:18, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

• Sorry, missed again. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 01:43, 3 May 2016 (UTC)

• grief stricken Hyphen?

  Added. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:14, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

• the historian Ronald Hutton You have been referring to him as Hutton after you introduced him.

  Changed. Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:14, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

Personality and personal life

• Do we need to link football?

• I've changed the link to association football. I think that this may be necessary given that in the United States and other parts of the world, "football" is a term used for different sports. Midnightblueowl (talk) 20:33, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

• Better. Sainsf (talk · contribs) 01:43, 3 May 2016 (UTC)

• This section hardly discusses her personal life, which is described in her biography above. This can simply be named as "Personality"

• Done. Midnightblueowl (talk) 20:33, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

Reception and legacy

• You can say CPS instead of Centre for Pagan Studies.

• Good point; done. Midnightblueowl (talk) 20:33, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

@Midnightblueowl: That should be it. These addressed, I would be happy to promote this article. Cheers! Sainsf (talk · contribs) 06:11, 1 May 2016 (UTC)

Many thanks Sainsf! Midnightblueowl (talk) 21:55, 2 May 2016 (UTC)

Thanks for the changes. The one remaining point done, I would be happy to promote this. Cheers, Sainsf (talk · contribs) 01:43, 3 May 2016 (UTC)

Sorted. Thanks again Sainsf! Midnightblueowl (talk) 11:44, 3 May 2016 (UTC)

This is ready for promotion, then. Great job! Sainsf (talk · contribs) 16:01, 3 May 2016 (UTC)