Talk:Dr. No (novel)/GA1
GA Review[edit]
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Reviewer: Yllosubmarine (talk · contribs) 15:49, 2 November 2011 (UTC)
Hello, I will complete my review within the next day or two. Thanks in advance for your patience -- and while you're waiting, perhaps you'd like to take some time to review a similar article? María (habla conmigo) 15:49, 2 November 2011 (UTC)
First of all, I know very little about the Bondverse (is that a thing or am I just making it up?) -- so this is a review from a near-complete outsider! Overall the article seems in good shape: it's seemingly comprehensive, well-sourced, and it mostly follows the MOS. I have some comments/suggestions to make, mainly about the prose, before I can promote to GA:
- Toolbox
- According to the toolbox links to the left, there is one EL ("Devil May Care, by Sebastian Faulks, writing as Ian Fleming; For Your Eyes Only, by Ben Macintyre" at independent.co.uk) which keeps timing out. I tried to access the link myself and it wouldn't load for me.
Done I noticed this last night and thought it would be back up by today! I've given an alternative reference for the same article in a different publication, but at least it's a solid reference in there. - SchroCat (^ • @) 15:43, 3 November 2011 (UTC)
- Lead
- I'm a big fan of a lead that goes in chronological order to how the article is organized, so for me this sentence (the second one in the lead) seems out of place: "It was the first of Fleming's novels to receive large-scale negative criticism."
- This book's eponymous villain was influenced by Sax Rohmer's Fu Manchu stories. -- Why "this" book, and not "the" book?
- a Chinese operator of a guano mine on the Caribbean island of Crab Key and Bond travels there to inspect further. -- Not a big deal at this point, but I see quite a few issues with missing commas, which tend to confuse the reader and sometimes create run-on sentences: "island of Crab Key, and Bond travels..."
- Dr. No has been was serialised in the Daily Express newspaper in both written and comic strip format and was the first James Bond feature film of the Eon Productions series, released in 1962 and starring Sean Connery -- Borderline run-on; end sentence after "format" perhaps?
- Lead could be expanded per WP:LEAD to include more about the Reception/Reviews, perhaps even Fleming's thoughts on the story? These ideas make up so much of the article, it seems strange not to better summarize them in the lead.
- Done - Let me know if you're happy with it as it stands: I can always change a few bits of around if you need. - SchroCat (^ • @) 15:43, 3 November 2011 (UTC)
- Plot
- The first sentence here is rather long and slightly confusing. In particular I'm not sure what "and his secretary" means here, since there may or may not be a comma missing after "Jamaica".
- the island is said to be the home of a vicious dragon whilst at one end is a colony of Roseate Spoonbills -- Not sure that "whilst at one end" is the correct wording here... is it meant to connect the dragon speculation with the Spoonbills?
- two of whose representatives had died when their plane crashed on Dr. No's airstrip. -- This makes it sound as if we're discussing Spoonbill representatives, which is a funny mental image, although I'm sure that the representatives are from Audubon. Again, split up the sentence and check comma usage.
- No was previously a member of a Chinese Tong, who had been tortured and had his hands cut off by order of the Tong leaders... -- With the comma where it is, it looks like the "who" is referring to "Chinese Tong", but I'm guessing that it was No who had been tortured, etc. How about something like "While a member of the Chinese Tong, No had been tortured..."?
- No is interested in the ability of the human body to withstand and survive pain and stress and Bond is forced to crawl and climb through an obstacle course constructed in a section of the facility's ventilation system. -- and and and. Commas will help here.
- ...diverting the guano flow from it to bury the villain alive in bird dung -- Although hilarious, the "in bird dung" seems a little repetitive, since we already know what guano is.
- Characters and themes
- There are two main themes that run through Dr. No: the meaning of power and friendship and loyalty -- This looks like three main themes to me. Comma?
- The concept of friendship and loyalty is the second major theme and the feelings are mutually felt... -- Beginning of a run-on.
- ...and this follows a pattern that the women Bond comes across are somehow different to the norm... -- Beginning of a run-on. Don't be afraid to start new sentences instead of using an "and".
- Dr. No is seen as "a wickedly successful villain"... -- by whom? Benson?
- Something to keep in mind, but not necessary for this review process: Should there not be a little discussion here about the main character? I understand this is one of many, many articles dealing with Bond, but a little bit about his history/growth in this particular book, if it's available in the sources, may help flesh it out if you wish to take this to FA or some-such.
Partly done - I'll work on the Bond character separately over the next week or so, as I'm a little tied up with work at the moment. - SchroCat (^ • @) 15:06, 3 November 2011 (UTC)
- Background
- Fleming's inspiration for the Dr. No character was Sax Rohmer's villain Dr Fu Manchu, the books about who Fleming had read and enjoyed in earlier years. This point is already noted in the above section; why repeat it?
- ...which he wrote in January and February 1957 at his Goldeneye estate in Jamaica with the title of The Wound Man. -- "with the title" seems disconnected from the subject of the rest of the sentence. Begin a new thought perhaps, something like "the novel was originally titled..." with a short reference as to what "Wound Man" referred to? (I'm guessing No?)
- Fleming borrowed names from his friends and associates to use in his book and so Ivar Bryce's housekeeper, May Maxwell, became Bond's Scottish "treasure" May. -- Nix the "and"; use semi-colon or start new sentence.
- Rather ungallantly Fleming named the guano-collecting ship in Dr. No as Blanche. -- Funny, but "rather ungallantly" seems like editorializing to me.
- Done - All elements done, although there is no information available about who or what "Wound Man" refers to. Like you, I presume it is Dr. No, but no confirmation on that... - SchroCat (^ • @)
- Release and reception
Is there a reason two differently styled quote boxes are used here? It seems that consistency would be better here, especially since they're so close together.
- Yes: one is a normal quote box (which is how it should be used) whilst the other is in the pull quote format, which is for pulling out information that is quoted in the text as well. - SchroCat (^ • @) 15:06, 3 November 2011 (UTC)
- he wanted this echoed in the cover, which he wanted showing her on a Venus elegans shell; the final artwork was undertaken by Pat Marriott. Repetition with "he wanted" here.
- Although Johnson recognises that in Bond there... -- One of my pet-peeves: the previous sentence refers to Johnson's review in the past tense, and here it refers to it in the present tense. I know it's difficult with reception sections, but try to pick one tense and stick to it.
- Adaptations
- Generally, the MOS disparages using bullet lists where prose would suffice. Not a big deal at this stage, but consider fleshing out the bullet points to full sentences and constructing a paragraph or two.
- The Adaptions are like this in all the Bond novels. I originally put these down as sub-sub sections, but was advised in the first review to change them to the current format by the reviewer - SchroCat (^ • @) 15:06, 3 November 2011 (UTC)
- Like I said, it's not a big deal. However, despite what a previous reviewer may have told you, see this MOS point: "Do not use lists if a passage is read easily as plain paragraphs." The items listed in this article's "Adaptations" section consist of complete sentences. Therefore, they work better as paragraphs -- fleshed out and connected -- not singled-out bullet points (which are typically not complete sentences). María (habla conmigo) 15:13, 3 November 2011 (UTC)
That about sums it up. Like I said above, my several "further down the line, you might want to think about" comments aren't strictly speaking necessary for promotion to GA, they might still improve the article. The main issue I see for now is the prose, but for now a few fixes here and there will suffice. I'll put the article on hold for now, so take your time to consider my suggestions. If you have any questions, let me know! María (habla conmigo) 14:20, 3 November 2011 (UTC)
- The description of Bond apart, is there anything more you'd like to see addressed on this article? I think I've covered all your points, but please let me know if there is anything I've missed. Many thanks - SchroCat (^ • @) 19:36, 3 November 2011 (UTC)
- A couple more
It looks like the major points noted above have been largely resolved, and so quickly! Nice work. A couple more things (again, not too major, but since we're on a roll...)
- I made a slight c-e to the plot with this edit, but be sure to check for errors. Although these changes admittedly add to the length, to me it makes more sense. I hope. That the leaders ordered his hand removed and that he be shot is what I surmise, so again, correct me if I'm wrong! I also added a couple grammatical/punctuation fixes. What do you think?
- Is it Dr. No or Doctor No? This should be consistent throughout.
- The "Adaptations" section looks so much better! I think you've made the right choice.
Once the above two issues are looked into, I'll be happy to promote this to GA. Thanks! María (habla conmigo) 12:57, 4 November 2011 (UTC)
- Hi there. The edits you've made the the plot are all correct and in keeping with what was there before, so thanks for those. I've changed the "Doctor" to "Dr." where needed (except within a quote). I missed those earlier in my ce, so thanks for spotting them! Cheers - SchroCat (^ • @) 14:17, 4 November 2011 (UTC)
- No prob! Okay, I believe the article now fulfills the criteria, and can therefore be promoted -- congrats! On a side note, I enjoyed reading the article and fleshing out my paltry knowledge of 007. ;) Thanks for your speedy as well as dedicated work, and best of luck! María (habla conmigo) 15:22, 4 November 2011 (UTC)
- Hi there. The edits you've made the the plot are all correct and in keeping with what was there before, so thanks for those. I've changed the "Doctor" to "Dr." where needed (except within a quote). I missed those earlier in my ce, so thanks for spotting them! Cheers - SchroCat (^ • @) 14:17, 4 November 2011 (UTC)