Talk:Drew Barrymore/GA2
GA Review[edit]
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There are a number of problems with the writing in the article:
- Please restructure this sentence: "She was born into an acting dynasty: All of her paternal great-grandparents – Maurice Barrymore and Georgie Drew Barrymore, and Maurice Costello and Mae Costello (née Altschuk) – as well as her paternal grandparents, John Barrymore and Dolores Costello, were actors;[9] John Barrymore was arguably the most acclaimed actor of his generation."
- too many ands
- I don't think there needs to be both a colon and a semi-colon. The writing should meet the conciseness requirement. John Barrymore may not need to be mentioned at all since he has his own article, and generally articles do not include many extra details on parents.
Consider revising these sentences to meet the well-written requirement:
- Barrymore is a niece of Diana Barrymore as well as a grandniece of Lionel Barrymore, Ethel Barrymore and Helene Costello,[11] a great-great-granddaughter of Irish-born John Drew and English-born Louisa Lane Drew, all of whom were also actors, and a great-grandniece of Broadway idol John Drew, Jr. and silent film actor, writer and director Sidney Drew.
- Her godmothers are Lee Strasberg's widow Anna Strasberg, a relationship with whom Barry has described as "would become so important to me as a kid because she was so kind and nurturing",[13] and actress Sophia Loren,[14] and her godfather is director Steven Spielberg.
- (of rock group Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young fame)
Missing "the":
- She was in rehab at age of fourteen
Chronology?: The Chronology of the Childhood section needs to be more clearly organized. Her emancipation is mentioned in the first paragraph and also the second paragraph, it would probably be better to organize this section chronologically.
There is a maintenance tag contradictory that should be addressed as well. Let me know if you want me to put this on hold.
Reviewer: Seraphim System (talk · contribs) 01:04, 15 December 2017 (UTC)
- It's been nearly a month and none of the issues about prose have been addressed. I am failing this article because it does not meet the well-written criteria for clear and concise prose at this time. I have given several examples in the review, but there may be others. There are some issues with the quality of sources also, including Daily Mirror. Seraphim System (talk) 10:12, 8 January 2018 (UTC)