Talk:Edgar Fernández/GA1

GA Review[edit]

Passed. — Golden ^talk 08:13, 25 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

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Reviewer: Golden (talk · contribs) 18:37, 18 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Hello, I'll be reviewing this article. — Golden ^talk 18:37, 18 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Lead[edit]

Wikilink "trade unionist" to Trade Union.

Check. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

from Santa Cruz - It is not clear from the sentence whether he is originally from Santa Cruz or if he resided there while serving as a party-list member.

I think the surrounding context makes it clear enough. It's style the same way many US representatives are (See: Barbara Lee, Brittany Pettersen, Anna Paulina Luna, etc.) Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Santa Cruz is linked for the second time in the second paragraph.

Linked to the city instead. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Throughout the article, you have used the names of departments instead of specific locations. I suggest using specific place names. For example, is it not known where in the Cochabamba Department he was born?

Linked to "Totora" instead. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

settled in the capital city - This could easily be misunderstood as the capital of Bolivia, which is not the case. I suggest rephrasing it to something like this: "..settled in Santa Cruz de la Sierra, the capital of Santa Cruz, where he.."

Rephrased. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

settled in the capital city's Plan 3,000 district - The inclusion of the district is unnecessary here since you don't mention anything else about it in the lead.

Its of some relevance as the central location of his career: "where he got his start"; "joined his local ..." Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

I would wikilink syndicate.

Done. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

align his sector - Is this referring to the taxi sector? It would be helpful to clarify that here.

Specified: "his sector's unions" Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

bore fruit in the form of -> resulted in

Fair. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

It would be useful to include information about how and when he became a member of the Movement for Socialism.

Added "since 2001". Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Early life and career[edit]

"himself" is unnecessary here.

Cut. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Simultaneously to that - "to that" is unnecessary.

Right. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Santa Cruz's Plan 3,000 -> "Santa Cruz's Plan 3,000 district"

Check. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

Chamber of Deputies[edit]

in the department. -> "in Santa Cruz department."

Check. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

only solidified - "only" is unnecessary.

Cut. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

References[edit]

Spot-checked references #1, 2, 4, 7, 11, 16.
I used Google Translate to confirm the sources.
No issues were found during spot-checking. All references that were checked support the statements for which they are cited.

External links[edit]

This page has already been linked in the references. Is it necessary to include it as a separate external link?

Not specifically for this article, but I'm trying to keep a level of uniformity between all parliamentarians of this assembly, the final goal being to make it a WP:GTOP. Krisgabwoosh (talk) 22:45, 24 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

General comments[edit]

Earwig's detector does not show any copyright violations.
The only image in the article is relevant and free.
This is an engaging article about an interesting person. I look forward to seeing your revisions in response to my suggestions. — Golden ^talk 10:13, 19 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]
Thank you for the replies, Krisgabwoosh. I'm happy to pass this article. — Golden ^talk 08:11, 25 August 2023 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.