Talk:First Qarmatian invasion of Egypt/GA1

GA Review[edit]

Passed. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 02:37, 4 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Nominator: Cplakidas (talk · contribs) 19:13, 2 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Reviewer: Iazyges (talk · contribs) 00:46, 3 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Will take this on. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 00:46, 3 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Criteria[edit]

GA Criteria

GA Criteria:

1
1.a Y

1.b Y
2
2.a Y

2.b Y

2.c Y

2.d Y
3
3.a Y

3.b Y
4
4.a Y
5
5.a Y
6
6.a Y

6.b Y

No DAB links Y
No dead links Y
No missing citations Y
Passes spot checks Y: Checked 20 and 27, no close paraphrasing or other issues.

Discussion[edit]

Prose Suggestions[edit]

Please note that almost all of these are suggestions, and can be implemented or ignored at your discretion. Any changes I deem necessary for the article to pass GA standards I will bold.

According to tradition, is this historical or Islamic tradition (or both)? I would specify here.
- Good question, in this case both, although this part of the story as told is largely reconstructed by modern historians; there are some dissenting voices (cf. Brett 2001), but this is by far the consensus opinion. I have removed this part as a a result.
Abu Sa'id was able to capture the region's capital suggest naming the capital that was captured (appears to be Hajr)
- Done.
The two branches went their separate ways after that suggest The two branches differed after that as slightly more formal.
- 'Differed' is an understatement; I want to emphasize that they did not have any contact and pursued different doctrinal developments. I have rephrased a bit around that, please have a look.
Al-As'am entered Damascus, where he read the Friday sermon on behalf of al-Muti' I would name the specific mosque it was read at (if it was known) as he presumably did not read it at all of them himself.
- I assume it would have been the Umayyad Mosque, but admittedly none of my sources say that. And the Friday sermon was typically read by one person, whether the mosque's preacher or, during special occasions, by the ruler or his representative (vizier or local governor).
which threw flasks of oil on the Qarmatian ships' decks and ignited them suggest which threw flasks of oil on the Qarmatian ships' decks that ignited them
- By 'them', the flasks are meant. Have rephrased slightly, hopefully the meaning is clear now.
@Cplakidas: That is all of my suggestions. A fascinating article; I shall hope to see it at FAC sometime in the future. Iazyges Consermonor Opus meum 06:07, 3 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

Hi Iazyges, thanks for taking the time to review and for the suggestions! I have answered above. Constantine ✍ 19:49, 3 June 2024 (UTC)[reply]

The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.