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Talk:George Andrew Davis Jr./GA1

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GA Review

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Reviewer: Anotherclown (talk · contribs) 11:21, 15 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Progression

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  • Version of the article when originally reviewed: [1]
  • Version of the article when review was closed: [2]

Technical review

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Criteria

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  • It is reasonably well written.
    a (prose): b (MoS):
    • "Davis rose to the rank of Lieutenant Colonel...", rank here should not be capitalised per Wikipedia:Manual_of_Style_(capital_letters)#Military_terms
    • "Once he began flying, this personality was said to shift to a "cool and calculating"..." missing word here I think: "a cool and calculating" what? Alternatively you might reword the entire sentence. Consider "However, once he began flying his personality was said to become "cool and calculating" in combat."
      • Fixed.
    • Not sure about the capitalisation here "Mary Margaret Davis (Born 1944) and George Davis III (Born 1952)." Shouldn't it just be "born 1944" etc?
      • Fixed.
    • "commissioned as a Second Lieutenant" → "second lieutenant"
      • Fixed.
    • Tense here "He trained here until August 1943", specifically "here". This should be changed to past tense to be consistent with the rest of the article.
      • Fixed.
    • Nitpick here: "where it could operate in the Solomon Sea...", perhaps reword to "where it could operate over the Solomon Sea...".
      • Fixed.
    • Present tense again here "Here, he quickly earned the nickname "Curly"...", reword for past tense.
      • Reshuffled few sentence to make it flow better.
    • This is repetitive: "In Davis' first combat experience, his unit was sent on a patrol on December 31, 1943. His unit, supporting the New Britain campaign, was assigned...", specifically over use of the phrase "his unit", perhaps reword?
      • Trimmed half of the content. Too much geography information in a single sentence make my head spin.
    • "8 Japanese aircraft were shot down", this could perhaps be reworded as "8 Japanese aircraft had been shot down and only one American plane damaged."
      • Fixed
    • "Davis was promoted to First Lieutenant..." → "first lieutenant"
      • Fixed
    • "Davis flew in 69 missions...", perhaps reword to "Davis flew 69 missions..."
      • Fixed
    • "Davis was promoted to Captain..." → "captain".
      • Fixed
    • Repetition here: "After five uneventful weather-probing missions in December, Davis and the unit were assigned an escort mission on December 10." Specifically "December". Consider: "After five uneventful weather-probing missions, Davis and the unit were assigned an escort mission on December 10." We already know the missions were in December due to the previous sentence.
      • Fixed
    • "destroying the first with his machine gun" → "machine-gun".
      • Fixed
    • "Davis aircraft was itself stuck by machine gun fire..." → "machine-gun".
      • Fixed
    • This is awkward I think: "he withdrew from the front to began certification on the P-51 Mustang...", consider "he was withdrawn from the front to begin certification on the P-51 Mustang..."
      • Fixed
    • Missing word here I think: "Davis served a number of administrative positions in the United States...", perhaps: "Davis served in a number of administrative positions in the United States..."
      • Fixed
    • "offered a commission as a First Lieutenant in..." → "first lieutenant"
      • Fixed
    • Missing word here too I think: "in the military in spite of demobilization and downsizing of the US military", consider "in the military in spite of the demobilization and downsizing of the US military..."
      • Fixed
    • Use of present tense again here: "Here, Davis served on one of the Army Air Corps aerobatic demonstration teams, the predecessors to the United States Air Force Thunderbirds."
      • Reshuffled sentence.
    • "Davis was commissioned as a Captain..." → "captain".
      • Fixed
    • "On February 15, 1951 he was promoted to Major..." → "major".
      • Fixed
    • Missing word here: "On a patrol November 4...", consider "During a patrol on November 4..."
      • Fixed
    • "Around 1600, Davis' patrol..." this should be "16:00" per WP:MOSTIME.
      • Fixed
    • Typo here I think: "He completed for attack runs on the formation...", should this be "He completed four attack runs on the formation..."?
      • Fixed
    • "attacked by the Tu-2 fighters..." do you mean "attacked by the Mig-15 fighters..."? Aren't Tu-2 bombers?
      • Needs verification on models. Tentatively replace "Tu-2" with "escort".
    • Unclear what you mean here: "Davis flew to Davis' location...", do you mean "Davis flew to Barton's location and found his damaged aircraft under attack from waves of Mig-15s..."?
      • Fixed
    • This isn't a sentence: "One week later on December 12, while leading another morning patrol near Yongwon, when another group of MiG-15s attacked."
      • Reworded
    • Missing word here "It had previously sent this order December 1...", consider "It had previously sent this order on December 1..."
      • Fixed
    • "he was posthumously promoted to the rank of Lieutenant Colonel..." → "lieutenant colonel"
    • This is awkward: "A number of controversies have since emerged of the circumstances leading to Davis' death...", consider "A number of controversies have since emerged surrounding the circumstances leading to Davis' death."
      • Fixed
    • "between Taechon and Chongye at 0740..." → "07:40".
      • Fixed
  • It is factually accurate and verifiable.
    a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
    • All major points are cited with WP:RS.
    • No issues with OR.
    • The table of Davis' victories has an issue with the final entry: 2 Mig-15s are listed on February 12, 1951, however the entry before that is December 12, 1951. As such I assume this should be the final two Migs he shot down during the action that he was killed? If so shouldn't this be "February 10, 1952"? As such the day and the year would seem to be currently incorrect. Anotherclown (talk) 21:44, 15 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]
      • The final entry is from the the February 10 engagement in which Davis was killed, but it is unclear whether the entry meant the fact that the air force officially credited him the victory on February 12 (air force did in fact tried to cover up his death during the previous two days according to Zhang Xiao Ming of the USAF Air War College). I added a footnote on the issue. Jim101 (talk) 16:35, 18 October 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • It is broad in its coverage.
    a (major aspects): b (focused):
    • Coverage seems sufficient.
  • It follows the neutral point of view policy.
    a (fair representation): b (all significant views):
    • No issues detected with POV.
  • It is stable.
    No edit wars etc.:
    • Significant recent work on the article, however it all looks constructive.
  • It contains images, where possible, to illustrate the topic.
    a (tagged and captioned): b (Is illustrated with appropriate images): c (non-free images have fair use rationales): d public domain pictures appropriately demonstrate why they are public domain:
    • All images appear to be PD and are appropriate for the article.
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