Talk:Girl at the End of the World/GA1
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Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 08:07, 5 December 2020 (UTC)
Good Article review progress box
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Good idea to try and wipe another November article out of the queue before Christmas! --K. Peake 08:07, 5 December 2020 (UTC)
Infobox and lead
[edit]- Infobox looks good
- "produced the band's previous studio album" → "produced their previous studio album,"
- "between May and September 2015" → "between May and September of 2015"
- "Girl at the End of the World reprised La Petite Mort's" → "The album reprised its predecessor's"
- "The album peaked at number two" → "It peaked at number two"
- Mention Scotland chart position too since that is separate from the UK chart
- "followed by the" → "being followed by the"
- "a UK tour in May," → "a UK tour in May 2016,"
- "over the next few months." → "over the succeeding few months."
Background
[edit]- Retitle to Background and development
- Remove target on James
- "their 13th studio album, La Petite Mort, in" → "their 13th studio album La Petite Mort in"
- "the album was a" → "La Petite Mort was a"
- "was planned for" → "had been planned for"
- "The band travelled to" → "James travelled to"
- "Tolbooth in Stirling, and" → "Tolbooth in Stirling and"
- "taped to the windows" → "that were taped to the windows"
- "They then moved to" → "The band then moved to"
- Wikilink drum machine
- Wikilink tempos
- Wikilink iPhone
- "All were recorded" → "All of them were recorded"
- "it would be edited down to a three- to eight-minute" → "the jam would be edited down to a three-to eight-minute" but are you sure there shouldn't be a dash between to and eight?
- "in attempt to come up" → "attempting to come up"
Production
[edit]- Retitle to Recording and production
- "Offtape Studios in London with" → "Offtape Studios, which are both in London, with"
- "throughout 2016: the first" → "throughout 2015; the first" because it was in 2015, not 2016
- "For the July sessions," → "For the July block,"
- "although some songs" → "although numerous songs"
- "complete some lead-vocal" → "complete some lead vocals for"
- "were the main engineers," → "served as the main engineers,"
- "contacted Brian Eno (who had" → "contacted Brian Eno, who had"
- "albums) about helping" → "albums, about helping"
- "It was their first" → "This marked their first"
- "the band's ninth studio album," → "the band's ninth studio album"
- "September and early October" → "September and early October of 2015"
- "Mothership (except for "Waking", which was done by Plattmeier) before" → "Mothership, with the exception of "Waking" being done by Plattmeier, before"
Composition and lyrics
[edit]- "gave the album" → "gave it"
- "which was centred" → "which is centred"
- "addressed a variety of" → "address a variety of"
- Wikilink imagery
- Wikilink electronic drums
- Wikilink synthesizer
- "and former James guitarist" → "and former guitarist"
- "on that song and" → "on the song as well as"
- "as the band's keyboardist," → "as James' keyboardist,"
- "which begins a two-minute" → "that begins a two-minute"
- "similar to Hawkwind." → "similar to the music of Hawkwind."
- Wikilink upbeat per MOS:LINK2SECT
- "It was compared to the Killers," → "The song was compared to music by the Killers,"
- "had previously produced." → "had previously produced for."
- "with a chorus which repeats" → "with a chorus that repeats"
- "the song was about" → "the song is about"
- Wikilink euphoria
- Target piano ballad to Sentimental ballad
- "that the change was made" → "that the change being made was decided"
- "Pinky & Perky speed"." → "Pinky & Perky speed."" with the wikilink
- "wrote the lyrics" → "wrote the song's lyrics"
- "moving back to" → "before moving back to"
- "and art in the" → "and art on the"
- "James' fourth studio album," → "James' fourth studio album"
- "riff reminiscent of" → "riff reminiscent of the music of"
- "playing distorted riffs" → "with distorted riffs being played"
- "droughts in California (where Booth lived)." → "droughts in California, where Booth lived."
- Target to Casio CZ synthesizers should be on Casio-synthesized
- "lyrics addressed "what" → "lyrics address "what"
Release and touring
[edit]- Retitle to Release and promotion
- "to play these shows, and was replaced" → "to play the shows, being replaced"
- Mention the month the song was made available for streaming; maybe write that same month since this sentence succeeds one about November 2015?
- "premiered on" → "premiered via"
- "for the album were" → "for Girl at the End of the World were"
- "released as the" → "released as the album's"
- "was released as a" → "was released as the"
- "for streaming through" → "for streaming via"
- Target The Telegraph to The Daily Telegraph
- "18 March 2016 release on" → "18 March 2016 release through"
- "with the label." → "with the record label." with the wikilink
- "for "Girl at the End of the World" (also made by Merc) premiered" → "for "Girl at the End of the World", also made by Merc, premiered"
- "it features Killers frontman" → "it features the Killers frontman"
- "June and September 2016," → "June and September of 2016,"
- "Péter Vácz, premiered on" → "Péter Vácz, premiered via"
- Target Echo Arena to Liverpool Arena
- Wikilink Liverpool
- "in March and April 2017," → "during March and April of 2017,"
- "as the third single" → "as the third single from Girl at the End of the World"
- "in July and August 2017," → "in July and August of 2017,"
- Wikilink Manchester
Reception
[edit]- Remove target on Under the Radar in prose (same for any other targets mentioned)
- "which pushed James' sound," → "that pushed James' sound,"
- Remove target on Clash
- "had "some bad" → "has "some bad"
- "wrote that although the album attempted" → "said that despite the album attempting"
- Target rock to Rock music
- "was "a little" → "is "a little"
- "was "certainly a strong one," it wasn't" → "is "certainly a strong one," though it isn't"
- "found it "much" → "found the album "much"
- "the album was" → "the album is"
- Wikilink crescendos
- Target hooks to Hook (music)
- "that were "intelligent," → "that are "intelligent,"
- "nearly knocked Adele's album, 25 (2015)," → "came close to knocking Adele's album 25 (2015)"
- "in the midweek charts" → "on the midweek chart"
- "debuted at number two." → "debuted at number two on the chart."
- "reached the top spot." → "reached the top spot on the Scottish Singles Chart." with the target
- "region of Belgium." → "region of the country."
Track listing
[edit]- Good
Personnel
[edit]- According to the album booklet: → Personnel per booklet.
Charts
[edit]- Good
References
[edit]- Copyvio score looks moderately good at 28.6%
- Make sure all of these that can be are archived using the tool
- Remove or replace ref 2 per WP:RSSM
- It's an interview with the band's bassist. Yeepsi (talk) 15:51, 5 December 2020 (UTC)
- Target The Telegraph to The Daily Telegraph on ref 6
- Remove target on James for ref 10
- Target Clash to Clash (magazine) on ref 14
- Ref 25 is a duplicate of ref 18
- Ref 34 is a duplicate of ref 14
External links
[edit]- Good
Final comments and verdict
[edit]On hold until you fix the issues, though I have noticed that you've definitely got some great writing skills! --K. Peake 12:31, 5 December 2020 (UTC)
- Done. Yeepsi (talk) 15:51, 5 December 2020 (UTC)
- Yeepsi I have done some very brief copy editing, but will now ✓ Pass this! --K. Peake 19:44, 5 December 2020 (UTC)
- Done. Yeepsi (talk) 15:51, 5 December 2020 (UTC)