Talk:HMS Liverpool (C11)/GA1

GA Review

Article (edit | visual edit | history) · Article talk (edit | history) · Watch

Reviewer: Sturmvogel 66 (talk · contribs) 14:47, 28 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

I'll start this shortly.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 14:47, 28 April 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Ummm, Sturmvogel 66, are you still on this? Its been about a week. L293D (☎ • ✎) 14:13, 5 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

No DABs, large number of dead links, not confined to the external links section.
- Still have dead external links, mostly the newsreels in the external links sections.

File:HMS-Liverpool-45.jpg It's improbable that is actually the work of the uploader. It's pretty clearly a scan of a printed photo and the identity of the copyright holder is unknown. Contact the uploader and see if he has more info on the original photo. Otherwise it will need to be deleted from the article.
All of the other photos are properly licensed.
I strongly suggest that you remove the cites from the infobox and add a description section as per Template:Infobox ship begin/Usage guide and WP:INFOBOXCITE. The one in the GA-class article on her sister ship HMS Gloucester (62) can be used as a reference. Similarly, the infobox layout of that article could be used as a reference for this one as the parameters of the infobox have changed since this one was written.
- Two cites left in the infobox. The aircraft info, etc., should be added to the description. And the turret thicknesses there differ from those in the main body.
The lede is too short for an article of this length.
- Still a little short. And move the link for flagship to the first usage.
Do not use one-sentence paragraphs.
Watch your rounding errors, they're causing inconsistencies between the infobox and the main body.
- Infobox uses decimal fractions of feet while the main body uses ft and inches. Pick one for consistency. Need to convert displacement to metric.
- In the infobox, link scrap, steam turbines, admiralty boilers, standard, full load, gun turret, bulkhead, belt, shaft horsepower.
- Number ranges like crew size or page ranges need an en-dash, not a hyphen
- The Vickers MGs were in quadruple mounts while the torpedoes were in triple mounts for consistency with the other weapons.
Link Mediterranean Fleet, decommissioned, commissioned
- Move the link for the Mediterranean Fleet to the first use.
Fought is probably too anthropomorphic a word for a ship. Suggest participated instead.
An aerial attack on 14 June 1942, during Operation Harpoon, proved to be the ship's final combat of the war. For the remainder of the conflict, Liverpool underwent repairs and refitting at Rosyth, Scotland. Awkward, suggest combining these two sentences and rewording them to improve flow.
- Liverpool suffered an air attack Better, but still needs work. Better, I think, to say that she was torpedoed by an Italian torpedo bomber during the battle. "Suffered an air attack" is classic passive voice, which should be avoided.
Liverpool returned to service in 1945 for assignment to the Mediterranean Fleet. Awkward, reword.
In the early 1950s, the cruiser harboured in Port Said to support the British Administration of the Suez Canal Zone, when Egyptian guerrillas campaigned against it. Awkward, reword
- Not done.
Flagship duty should be added the lede.
When first ordered in the mid-1930s, the original Town-class cruisers Newcastle and Southampton were to have been called Minotaur and Polyphemus on commissioning. Irrelevant to this article, move to the class article.
More later.

@Sturmvogel 66: - I think I got all the issues sorted out. Any more suggestions? L293D (☎ • ✎) 14:33, 30 May 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Sorry for the delay.
You don't need to cite every sentence or fact if everything in the paragraph has the same source and page number. So the repeated cites to Conway in the size sentence in the description are redundant; a single one at the end of the sentence suffices. Similarly a single cite to Whitley at the end of the protection para is enough.
You need to cite College for the fact that she was named for the city.
Go ahead and work on these and I'll start in on the history section.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 14:35, 6 June 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Status query

Sturmvogel 66, L293D, what is the status of this GA review? It has been over two months since the most recent post here, and the article has acquired a "clarify" template since then. Is there any chance of progress in the next couple of weeks? Thanks. BlueMoonset (talk) 01:20, 13 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]

Let's try to finish it off.

I've cleaned up most of the infobox, although you still need to convert the displacement figures to metric
The lede is still too short and a cite for her name is still needed. Still needs prose improved as pointed out above.
In the first sentence of the design and description section clarify that Liverpool was one of the second batch of Towns
The entire first para of the Commission section is better suited for the class article and should be deleted.
Link laid down, launched,
had engine defects corrected "her" engine defects
At the beginning of the Second World War, Liverpool formed part of the 4th Cruiser Squadron, which she left in November to transfer to the 5th Cruiser Squadron, China Station Awkward
The Red Sea Force was intended to help execute naval strategy in the area by performing a variety of duties, such as patrols and blockade enforcement in the event of war with Italy. Delete "was intended to help execute naval strategy in the area"
contingents from the Australian military change to Australian troops
Down to first torpedoing, more later.--Sturmvogel 66 (talk) 15:48, 16 August 2018 (UTC)[reply]