Talk:Haseeb Ahsan/GA2

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GA Review[edit]

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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 15:20, 2 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Comments

  • Suggest image in info box is made smaller to alleviate the obvious artefacts of compression.
  • Don't link Pakistan and Pakistani in the opening sentence to different things. Perhaps unlink the first altogether.
  • Unlinked the 1st one. —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "including 2 five-wicket" -> two.
  • "at the average" just "at an average" is fine.
  • "Ahsan never got married throughout his life." seems like an odd thing to include in the lead.
  • "ended up his" -> "resulted in the premature end of his"
  • Expand PIA before using the abbreviation.
  • National side in info box, just Pakistan, not Pakistani, is fine.
  • "during 1955–63" -> "between 1955 and 1963".
  • "against the Marylebone..."
  • "43 wickets playing nine matches" wickets in nine matches.
  • "scored historic 337 runs" why historic?
  • Removed "historic". —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He conceded 84 runs in 21 overs without taking a wicket.[8][9] He took five of his wickets in three Tests against the West Indies.[10]" reads odd sequentially, needs rephrase.
  • "only managed 14 wickets in the next two" -> "took only 14 wickets..."
  • "the Sargodha" who or what is this?
  • That was a Pakistani domestic team at that time. Fixed. —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "He played his last Test at the National Stadium" would add "in Karachi" because there are plenty of "National Stadium"s out there.
  • "at the average of nearly 50" -> an average.
  • "As an administrator" -> "Administrative career"
  • "a powerful selector, spotted young talent" -> "a powerful selector, [who] spotted young talent"
  • "remained 1987 Cricket World Cup Technical Committee's chairman" not sure "remained" is right here.
  • Of course not, not sure where to link this? —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Described by his colleague as a "perfect administrator".[21]" Not a complete sentence.
  • "Though Ahsan never got married throughout his life, his friends and colleagues remember him with great fondness" I don't see how these two facts are linked at all.
  • Link "called for throwing" appropriately.
  • "ended up his" no need for "up".
  • " from Renal failure for two " no need for capital R.

Enough for a quick first pass, so I'll put the article on hold for a week and re-review. The Rambling Man (talk) 10:40, 7 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the review, please have a look now. I think the above issues are now resolved. Regards, —Zia Khan 14:44, 7 March 2014 (UTC)[reply]
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