Talk:Hayley Wickenheiser/GA1

GA Review[edit]

GA review (see here for criteria)

It is reasonably well written.
a (prose): b (MoS):
The prose in this article is fairly poor, there are too many sections for too minor of divisions, and there are manual of style breaches everywhere. It's also missing persondata.
It is factually accurate and verifiable.
a (references): b (citations to reliable sources): c (OR):
It is broad in its coverage.
a (major aspects): b (focused):
Statistics from her non-international games should be included. Not enough information dedicated to her impact on women's hockey. Awards are nowhere to be found.
It follows the neutral point of view policy.
Fair representation without bias:
It is stable.
No edit wars etc.:
It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
Overall:
Pass/Fail:

Overall comments:

There are numerous problems with the prose:

The lead section is too short. It should summarize the whole article.
- Updated this to make it a bit more thorough. Still deciding on how to approach the 'Legacy' idea, and will include it here when I figure it out.Leafschik1967 (talk) 22:26, 12 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Section headers shouldn't be capitalized. Eg, "International Hockey Career" should be "International hockey career".
- Understood, and fixed. Leafschik1967 (talk) 22:26, 12 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
There are too many sections, and too many short paragraphs.
- Reorganized the sections into events rather than chronological order. To simplify further, 'International', 'Professional' and 'Club team' could be grouped under a 'Hockey career' section. Leafschik1967 (talk) 22:26, 12 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
The Olympic medal table should be in "International statistics" or "International play". Right now, it's interfering with the infobox and the headers. It should also contain medals from other major tournaments.
- Fixed, and a definite improvement. It looks much better alongside the stats. Leafschik1967 (talk) 22:26, 12 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Too many trivial/repeated internal links. Don't link the same word/subject multiple times, with exception given to items linked in the lead. Don't link individual years unless they're part of a full date.
- Working on this, I think I have most of them fixed. Leafschik1967 (talk) 22:26, 12 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Citations are malformed. They should contain at least Title, Publisher, Accessdate (for URLs), and Author (where available).
- Went through and fixed these. Leafschik1967 (talk) 17:01, 13 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Hockey articles are usually split up into "Professional career" and "International play" sections. However, women's articles might not work that way. Right now, men tend to gain prominence from professional play and play internationally on the side, and the opposite can be true for women.
- I have organized it in the reverse manner for now. Her professional accomplishments are impressive, but they are secondary to the international acclaim. Leafschik1967 (talk) 22:26, 12 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Specific prose issues:

If the article has an infobox, the first sentence shouldn't have birth/death places.
- Noted. Thanks. Leafschik1967 (talk) 22:26, 12 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
First sentence is awkward. It should be "Hayley Wickenheiser is a professional ice hockey player who has..." etc
Lots of redundancy."In addition to her prowess as...". Too long. How about "She is also an elite softball player"
In the same vein: "With the introduction of Women's Hockey as a full-fledged medal event at the 1998 Winter Olympics, Wickenheiser was a member of Team Canada at this event as well". Ick. How about "Wickenheiser played for Canada when women's hockey was introduced as a medal event at the 1998 Winter Olympics." If you're not familiar with catching and fixing redundancy and other common mistakes, try out these three exercises: 1, 2, 3.
- Agree with both of these points. Thanks for pointing them out, as it was just something I had read over too many times and wasn't seeing for how bad it was. Leafschik1967 (talk) 22:26, 12 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]
Considering her impact on women's hockey, there should probably be a "Legacy" section.
- Still thinking about how to work this in. I'll try to incorporate a section on her leadership activities and awards. Leafschik1967 (talk) 22:26, 12 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Right now, the article doesn't meet the "quick fail" criteria, but it's pretty far from a pass. If you need some good examples of ice hockey biographies, check out Wayne Gretzky, Dominik Hasek, Martin Brodeur, Paul Stastny, or one of the many others listed at WP:HOCKEY. As far as I know, we don't have any particularly well-developed articles on women's ice hockey (I wrote Angela James, but it's far from comprehensive), but I'd like to see this one succeed eventually. If you have any questions/comments/concerns, hit me up on my talk page. Good luck.-Wafulz (talk) 16:05, 12 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks for the input, I will work on making some additional changes in the next few days. Leafschik1967 (talk) 22:26, 12 June 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Did not pass requirements. It's been about a month, and breadth is still an issue (14kb is very small for a biography of a hockey player this prominent). However, I'm impressed by the work you've done. If you'd like, I can help get this to GA status, though I won't be able to review it.-Wafulz (talk) 14:50, 3 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]